Under the Table(60)
But he hadn’t asked her to leave, so there was still a glimmer of hope.
She followed Tristan to his library. One half of the room was stacks of full boxes and empty shelves. The other half, empty boxes to fill. He swept a handful of books off a shelf and began arranging them in the closest box.
When the books had been standing straight up, wedged together on the shelves, their spines looked sturdy, ageless. Upon closer inspection, many were weathered. Book covers and jackets had faded on some. Yellowed pages in danger of becoming unglued from fragile, brittle spines on others. They were similar to their owner, hiding their vulnerability beneath an exterior of even temperedness.
“You’re getting rid of your library?”
“Yes. I don’t know why I brought them.” Tristan gave a half laugh. “They’re turning out to be the most tedious part of my packing.”
“You brought them because they hold your memories.” The meaning behind his words were slow to register.
“You’re right, there were many times they gave me comfort. I could’ve kept them at Paradise Cove. The place is just sitting there until I decide what to do. Now that I’ve made that decision, this seems like a pointless exercise.”
“You’re going back?”
“I can’t stay here,” he said wistfully.
“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. If I hadn’t intervened . . .”
“Oh no, Zoey. Don’t look at it like that.”
“Then tell me how to look at it,” she pleaded. “Enlighten me.”
He paused, and for a split second, his look softened. When he spoke again, his words were measured, nearly clinical. “My grandfather used to say, ‘It’s okay to quit any job, but you have to master it first.’ It’s easy to abandon something out of fear. But in doing so, you could be missing out on something spectacular. If you learn all you need to and still want to walk away, you’re making an educated decision. When we met, I was paralyzed, terrified to take a step in any direction. Your friendship gave me the strength to take a chance. I’m glad I did.”
“We turned out to be so much more than friends, Tristan.” She could feel an anger starting to build at the way he was trying to sweep aside what had happened between them. “So now you’re just going to pack it all in and call it quits?”
“Why not? It worked for you.”
If his intention was to sting, he had succeeded. But at least he was showing signs of some spirit. And that he wasn’t over her, not by a long shot.
“It most definitely did not work for me. Why do you think I’m here?”
“To make amends? Ease a guilty conscience, maybe? Either way, you can relax. I’m not holding any ill will. I accept your apologies. Now that the matter is settled, I hope you don’t mind showing yourself out. The movers are coming at the end of the week and I still haven’t started packing up the kitchen.”
The kitchen. The center of where their friendship, as well as their relationship, had started. Had he brought up the kitchen on purpose?
“I could stick around and help?” she offered.
“Not necessary.” His reply was brusque and immediate.
Zoey was exhausted from trying to always stay one step ahead. But if there was one thing she had gotten good at, it was fighting. Despite all the things she had helped teach him, it was the one lesson she had neglected. Not anymore. She owed him that much. She owed it to herself.
“For the love of God, would you show some blasted emotion for once in your life?!?”
And to her surprise, he did. He slammed the books he was holding into the box and his voice rose with every word until he was near to shouting. “What would you like me to say, Zoey? That I loved you and you shattered my heart? Because you did. What you did to me was worse than the hooker in Vegas. You gained my trust. All of it. Then you tossed me aside, something you swore to me you wouldn’t do. You told me your marriage was over but he shows up and you kicked me to the curb!”
When he was done with his rant, he was heaving. And though she was left stunned, she still wasn’t finished. “Well, I didn’t see you sticking around to fight for me!”
He had lowered his voice, was already back in control. With sorrowful eyes, he said, “I don’t own you. I said I should leave and you let me. I was completely blindsided. Next thing I know, I’m getting a text that you’re gone. How many times do I have to be kicked in the teeth?”
She wasn’t as good a fighter as she thought. This made twice in one day that she had lost an argument with a single statement. The only difference here was, Zoey refused to let him see her cry.
“Tristan,” she began, surprised by the shakiness in her voice. “I’m here now. I’m here because I love you. I love you for every single thing you are. Goofy clothes, bad hair, I adored it all. And I’m truly sorry I let the surprise at seeing Derek lead me into making a wrong decision. But I’m human and old habits die hard. I’ve spent a lifetime doing what I thought was expected of me. And I know you’re hurt right now, but I refuse to believe that higher forces brought us together only to have this be the end.”
With each heartfelt word she spoke, his eyes got glassier, and by the time she was finished, they were brimming with tears. She wanted to embrace him, but she didn’t dare.