This Is Not How It Ends(93)

I was in love. And I was going to tell the man responsible for that.

At this point, I’d stopped with the small talk. Sonia could tell I was upset, and Sergio was probably considering quitting, as he ran a red light to get me to my destination. When they dropped me off in front of TINHIE, Sonia apologized profusely. I told her not to worry, even adding, “May this be the worst thing that ever happens to him in his new profession.” Part of me believed my kindness.

TINHIE. Strange. But sort of beautiful.

The restaurant was tucked away on a breezy street beside a flower shop. There was no outdoor seating. No fairy lights. Only an awning draping the glass window with the weird word spelled out in all caps.

I tugged on the door handle and entered a large, modern white space.

Ben was so close.

A man behind the bar, which was tucked in a far corner, called out to me. “We open at five.”

I took the steps toward him, hoping he couldn’t see the tremor in my fingers. “I’m here to see Ben.” He eyed me while wiping down bar glasses. He was a thin man with wiry arms and a kind face. “I’m an old friend. From the Keys.”

“They’re away,” he said, turning to find more glasses. “He and the Mrs. left for the weekend.”

The man was behind the bar, doing things men do behind bars. Bending, cleaning, wiping, filling. I stood in quiet shock. He stopped what he was doing and took note. “Ma’am, you all right?”

“I’ll be fine,” I said, steadying myself. I reached inside my bag and took out Philip’s letter. My fingers shook as I ripped it in half and crumpled it into a ball. Then I handed it to the man. “Would you mind throwing this away for me?”

He took the paper in his hand. “Are you sure you’re all right, ma’am? Do you want a drink?”

I shook my head, inching nearer to the bar. “Can I ask you something?”

He looked up with a smile. “Anything for a pretty lady.”

“What does T-I-N-H-I-E mean?”

“Well, you know what they say—if I tell you, I’ll have to kill you.”

“Trust me,” I said, “there’s very little left of me. Spill.”

His dark eyes homed in on mine. “It means nothing. It’s not even a word. It’s an acronym.”

“What does it stand for?”

“This is not how it ends.”





CHAPTER 45

May 2019

Just when I thought I had no more tears left in me, they began to fall. I ran out of the restaurant, leaving the poor man in my wake. The name was all wrong. It should’ve been TIHIE, because this is how it ends. I fumbled in my purse for my cell phone, but my fingers couldn’t dial. I told Siri to call Liberty. I shouted at her, as though it was all her fault.

Liberty picked up, and I couldn’t speak.

“Charlotte?”

I was sobbing into the phone. “It’s over.”

I literally crumpled onto the pavement. It was spotted with bird shit and piss, but I didn’t care. I sat right there on the curb and cried. “Tell me where you are,” she said. “I’ll come get you.”

I don’t know how I got back to the air-conditioned hotel, though the cool air slapped me awake. I focused on Liberty, on her arm thrown around my shoulders, and bowed my head, turning from the guests filling the lobby. Streaks of dried-up tears clawed at my face, and my legs weakened with each step.

Once in our room, I fell on the bed while Liberty pulled up a chair. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“I don’t.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” She was rubbing my hair. “You did everything you could, Charlotte. You followed your heart. Not everyone gets that chance. You’ll never have to wonder . . . no should’ve, no could’ve. You took the leap.”

The more I listened to her, the worse I felt. I took a leap and failed. I sacrificed . . . for nothing. To lose everything that mattered. I never knew how badly I wanted Ben until Ben was lost to me forever.

“I’d like to go home,” I told her. I expected an argument, one of her soul-soothing speeches about not dwelling on this, followed by an energy drink to diminish swollen emotions. But there was no sermon, no smoothie, and she dialed the airline.

Six hours later we were back on a plane to Miami, giving new meaning to the New York minute. I slept on and off while Liberty hummed to the music on her phone. I dreamed of Philip. He was in the hospital, though he wasn’t sick. He was standing over me and our baby. A little girl with his eyes. Ben dropped off a gift. It was a white rabbit with a pink satin ribbon. But every time he handed the rabbit to me, I dropped it. I’d reach down and pick it up, and it would again fall. The baby was wailing. Philip and Ben laughed. I woke up in a damp sweat.

Liberty had left her car at the airport, so by midnight we were driving the deserted road home. My dad was sound asleep on the couch with Sunny by his feet. As soon as I entered my bedroom, I kicked off my shoes and fell into a bottomless sleep. And though I woke up the next day and the next, I was in a trancelike state. The fantasy of starting my new job with Ben in my heart all but splintered in the wind.

My dad stayed a few extra days. We went for long walks and got to know each other again. He offered his advice, and I was quick to respond. “It was a ridiculous plan. What did I think would happen? He’d ditch Claudia? Move back to the island with me? Rip Jimmy from his grandparents again?” The problem with the plan was that it was never a plan. It was a wish I kept hidden, without direction. It was romantic and tugged on heartstrings because it was make-believe. “This had all the trappings of a Nicholas Sparks novel.”