The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(108)

Without thinking, he reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out his cell phone. It would be so easy to call her, to tell her he’d made a mistake, that he wanted her back.

He thought about hearing her voice and wished she was with him, quiet be damned. Only it wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. The price was too high. She had changed him. Or maybe he’d changed himself. Regardless, he was different and he didn’t like that. What was next? He would stop paying his bills on time? He would start making a spectacle of himself wherever he went?

He returned to his desk and opened his laptop. He would lose himself in work, just as he had always done. Eventually memories of her would fade and he would go on as before. After all, his life was better when it was quiet.

  Declan accepted that he’d totally screwed up everything with Sunshine. That one night had changed everything between them and now he worried that there was no going back.

It was his own damn fault, he thought grimly as he waited outside the elementary school for Connor to get out of class. He knew Sunshine, knew what she wanted, knew what she feared. She wanted to be taken seriously, to be respected. She wanted normal and he’d given her phone sex.

Even as he thought about that night, he winced. What the hell had he been thinking? They weren’t dating. They weren’t lovers. In the right context, phone sex could be fun, but they weren’t involved that way. He’d treated her like some 900 number and now there would be consequences.

She’d trusted him enough to tell him personal things about her life. She’d trusted him with her hopes and dreams and he’d violated that trust. He knew her well enough to know she was feeling as lost and confused as he was. Their phone calls had gone from easy to awkward. The last two days of his trip, they’d only communicated by text.

Kids started walking out of the school. Declan looked for Connor, then laughed when his son spotted him and raced toward him.

“You’re really back!” Connor yelled, and threw himself into Declan’s arms. “You’re back!”

“Hey, buddy. How’s it going?”

They hugged, then Declan walked him to the car.

“When did you get home?” Connor asked, dropping his backpack in the trunk and getting into the car.

“Just a little bit ago. I came straight from the airport. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, Dad. Did you tell Sunshine you were picking me up? Otherwise, she’ll worry.”

He looked at his son, his young face, the earnestness of his expression. “I did tell her.”

“Good. It’s the right thing to do.”

Connor was growing up, he thought, both happy and sad at the prospect of his boy becoming a man. Happy because that was what was supposed to happen. Sad because he couldn’t hold on to young Connor forever.

He started the car. “I thought we’d go get ice cream before heading home.”

Connor grinned. “That could ruin our dinner, Dad.”

“I know, but let’s risk it.”

Connor beamed. “Tell me about Texas and the ants. Are you really building a giant ant farm?”

“I am, so I’m going to need you to help me learn about ants. We’re still working out the details but I have sketches I can show you and when we start construction, I want you to see what we’re doing.”

“Me, too! Sunshine says I saved the day. Is that true?”

“It is.”

Connor talked the whole way to the strip mall. Every third or fourth sentence mentioned Sunshine. She’d become a big part of both their lives.

They walked inside and ordered ice-cream cones. When they were seated at one of the small bistro tables by the window, Connor said, “We should get some ice cream to take home to Sunshine.”

“That’s really thoughtful and you’re right, we should.”

“It’s important to show people we love them, Dad. You always told me that about Mom.”

He licked his cone, and talked about staying over with Elijah next weekend. As Declan listened to his son, he thought about what Connor had said. It was important to show people they were loved. Something he hadn’t done in a long time—mostly because there hadn’t been anyone he loved outside of his family. Not in a long time.

But there was now.

He loved Sunshine. It wasn’t just about sex or how beautiful she was. It was about who she was—her hopes and dreams and fears. It was how she took care of Connor and planned birthday parties. It was her. All this time he’d been so focused on figuring out what had happened with Iris that he hadn’t been paying attention to what was right in front of him. He loved Sunshine. So what was he going to do about it?

“Dad, can I come with you next time you to go Texas?”

“It was a business trip and you wouldn’t find it very fun. But you know what? We need to plan a family vacation for this summer.”

Connor’s eyes widened behind his glasses. “We do?”

“Uh-huh.”

They hadn’t gone away the previous year because he and Iris had been dealing with her infidelity. And the year before, well, Declan couldn’t remember if they’d done anything then, either.

“When we get home, let’s go online and figure out a few places we could go.”

“I get to help?”