The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(112)

He pushed back his chair, circled the table, then pulled her to her feet and held on to her. She hugged him back, her grip fierce.

“You did protect me,” he whispered. “I never knew. Never suspected.”

She released him and stepped back. “I try to forget but I can’t always. Sometimes I worry she was right. Maybe the devil does live inside of me. When I get scared or nervous, the past gets close and I act out. Being outrageous reminds me I’m my own person and then I win. But there can be a cost to that.” She touched his face. “I’m sorry I slept with your roommate when you were in boarding school. I was so shocked at how grown-up you were and I thought I was losing you and then I got scared, and well, you know what happened.”

“Mom, it’s all right. That doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter. I hurt you. Worse, I betrayed you. I’m not making excuses, Alec. I’m explaining. I hope you can see that. You’re not like me. You’ll never be like me. You can stop worrying about that.”

He hugged her again, his mind unable to grasp all she’d said. “I love you so much. You’re the strongest woman I know.” He stepped back so he could see her. “Wesley is a damn lucky man, and if he doesn’t love you for exactly who you are, then he doesn’t deserve you. Don’t change, Mom. Don’t you ever change. You’re exactly who you should be and if he doesn’t see that, dump his sorry ass.”

For the first time since she’d started talking, tears filled her eyes. She brushed them away and laughed.

“He never wanted me to change, Alec. I wanted it for a lot of reasons, but he was happy with me exactly as I was.” She took his hands in hers. “You never call me Mom. It’s always Bianca or Mother. I like hearing it.”

Before he could respond, not that he had a clue about that, either, she said, “Now, about Margot. It’s perfectly safe to love her. Whatever you’re feeling is not bad. You won’t suddenly take your clothes off in public or do anything else to embarrass yourself.”

“I nearly shoplifted a bottle of wine. That’s not nothing. I attacked Dietrich.”

“The wine was an accident and Dietrich deserved what happened. You were protecting your own. That’s something to be proud of.” She squeezed his hands. “She’s good for you. You know that. And even more important, you’re good for her.”

With that, she released him and walked out of the dining room.

He slumped into a chair. It was going to take a long time to process everything she’d told him. Her past had been a nightmare and he’d never suspected, but now that he knew, so much made sense.

She was stronger than he’d ever imagined, and if loving Margot meant turning into his mother, then he was one lucky guy.



Chapter Twenty-Eight


Margot’s new clients—three sisters from Chile who had beautiful textiles to sell to the fashion industry—were exactly what she needed. As part of a team, Margot was helping the women find their way through the maze of venture capitalists, industry meetings and LA traffic. The short-term assignment was more fun than challenging and allowed her to decompress from what she’d just gone through.

She was looking forward to a quiet evening at home. Some kind of frozen dinner, a couple of hours of HGTV, then off to bed where, hopefully, she would actually sleep instead of lying there, missing Alec and trying to figure what, if anything, she could have done differently.

She parked in her spot and walked into the lobby to pick up her mail before taking the elevator to her third-floor apartment.

She knew what had gone wrong with Alec—that part was totally clear. It was fixing it that had her unable to sleep. Or maybe it was just missing him. She’d gone into the relationship thinking of him as little more than her client’s son. Then they’d become friends and lovers and somewhere when she hadn’t been paying attention, she’d fallen in love with him.

She hadn’t known she was in danger, so she hadn’t protected herself. She hadn’t thought he could become so much a part of her that being without him was like losing half of herself.

She ached for him, for them, for what they’d been together. She wanted another chance. She’d thought of calling him a thousand times, only she hadn’t. There was no point. She genuinely wasn’t the problem. Until Alec could embrace every part of himself, until he understood that life was messy and sometimes people were, too, there was no hope. She couldn’t be with someone who was unwilling to give his whole heart on the off chance he might do something that made him uncomfortable. Unfortunately knowing what was wrong didn’t make dealing with it any easier.

She inserted the key in her front door. When she stepped into her apartment, the first thing she noticed was the delicious and familiar smell of coq au vin simmering on the stove, something that under other circumstances would have been welcome but, considering she pretty much lived alone, was unsettling.

“Sunshine?” she called, wondering if her sister had stopped by for something. Not that she expected to see her anytime soon. She and Declan had declared their feelings and were both in the throes of young love and planning a late August wedding at Universal Studios in Florida. Given the median temperature and humidity level that time of year, Sunshine was hoping for something indoors.

Someone stepped out of her kitchen. Someone tall and handsome and who made her heart beat faster and her mouth go dry.