The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(107)

There was no taking back what had happened and she didn’t think ignoring it was going to work, either. While the phone sex had been fun and exciting and had made her feel closer to him, she also knew it had changed everything, and not for the better. Her brief morning-after text of That was great, but we should probably not do that again had been met with a return text of nothing more than I agree. A response that left her with a lot more questions than answers.

She got to her car and tossed her backpack in the rear seat before getting behind the wheel. But instead of driving away, she sat there, confused and scared.

She’d crossed the line. In that single phone call she’d gone from professional nanny to what she’d always been. The girl out for the good time, the flighty, irresponsible pleasure-seeker willing to ignore her responsibilities and run off with some guy.

Declan wasn’t asking her to get on the back of a motorcycle and ride away, but that didn’t change her part in things. She’d made herself a promise and she’d broken it. Her issues weren’t about his behavior but about her own.

What if she couldn’t change? What if she was always going to be that girl? She wanted to say this time was different because her feelings were different. She didn’t just think Declan would be a good time—she cared about him. She was probably in love with him.

Sunshine let that sink in, prepared to turn the information over and see how it resonated, only she didn’t have to. As soon as the thought formed, she knew it was true. She was in love with Declan. She probably had been for a while. And why wouldn’t she be? He was loveworthy. As for Connor, well, she’d been a goner from day one.

Great. So she loved them both. Now what? If she was going to be a different and better person, what did that different and better person think she should do? Leave? Stay? And if she stayed, how would that work? Would she have a torrid affair with Declan? Let things run their natural course and then when it was over, they would go back to what they had been?

Unlikely. They could start by pretending that call hadn’t occurred, but that wasn’t going to work, either. All it would take was a look or a touch and they would be all over each other. He obviously found her attractive and wanted her in his bed and she wasn’t sure how long she could say no. Which made her what? The slutty nanny sleeping with the boss?

And if staying wasn’t an option, didn’t that just leave walking away? She leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to go. She didn’t want to not see Connor anymore. She didn’t want to not be a part of his life. He needed her and she needed him. Even if she could run away from Declan, she wasn’t sure she could disappear on Connor.

Even saying goodbye the right way would be impossible. Was she supposed to sit him down and tell him that in a few days he would have a new nanny? Was she going to interview other women for the job, knowing they would be staying in her room, cooking for her family, picking up Connor from school and helping him with his ant farm?

She opened her eyes and stared out the windshield. There was no good answer. The worst part was the problem was of her own making. She had no one else to blame. She supposed the best, albeit temporary, solution was to go on as before and see if they were able to fake their way through the first few awkward days. Maybe it wouldn’t be so horrible. Maybe they could pretend to forget that single phone call and nothing would have to change.

She knew she was wishing for the moon, but didn’t know what else to do. The situation was impossible. If only she’d fallen for someone else, someone she could meet and date and have a real relationship with. But she hadn’t and now she was stuck not only with her concerns about the future, but her fears about Declan. Because in all of this, she had no idea what he thought of her and what he expected when he got home. She could make all the plans she wanted, but except for simply walking away, she didn’t get to execute any of them in a vacuum. For all she knew, Declan had used her to get off and thought of her as little more than a piece of ass. And if that were true, then she was about to experience a heartbreak, the likes of which she’d never seen before.

  Alec told himself he liked the quiet. With Margot gone, there were no more daily lessons, no extra set of footsteps on the stairs, no conversation in the evening, no interruptions at all. It was pleasant. Once his mother moved out, his life would return to what it had always been and he would be content.

He had to admit, if only to himself, that he’d expected Bianca to seek him out. He felt sure she would want to talk to him about Margot, but for the past two days, he hadn’t seen her, either. Her car was still parked outside, so he knew she was somewhere, but she kept to herself. Which was what he preferred.

Alec crossed to the window and looked out at the garden. All right—he would admit to some...restlessness. He’d grown used to having Margot in his life. It was possible he missed her more than he’d thought he would. It had been nearly three days and he’d yet to sleep. Getting in his bed reminded him too much of her, and his office couch was not that comfortable. Plus, every time he turned around, he saw another spot where they had made love. His desk, the kitchen counter, his bed, his bathroom, her bed, the living room, outside.

Still, the quiet was pleasant and in time he would be able to focus on his work again. And eat. Eventually the dull ache in his chest would fade. It wasn’t as if he’d been in love with her. He’d enjoyed her company—that was all. She’d been different from other women he’d known with her sharp mind and accepting nature. It made sense he might regret the loss of her companionship. Biologically he would miss the sexual release. Everything he was feeling was totally normal.