The Summer of Sunshine and Margot(106)

Even as her heart shattered and she began to bleed from the broken pieces cutting through every part of her, she knew exactly what he was trying to say. That was the hell of it, she thought grimly. She knew him, understood him, so while what they had was life affirming and fun and amazing, there was a price to be paid. Emotions had to be engaged. And to feel the way he had was to lower the barriers he kept in place. The very act that had made her love him more had been the single moment when he’d been forced to walk away.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

She believed him. He was sorry, but not for the reasons she was. She was sorry that they would never have a chance. She was sorry that she had finally found the one man who appreciated her quirks, who delighted her as much with his conversation as his skill in bed, the man who had shown her the best version of herself, and that she had lost him. For years she had given her heart to an unworthy man and when she finally found a worthy one, he couldn’t be bothered.

Because that was what it came down to. Feeling was too hard. Loving required too much. He would rather be alone, and how could she fight that?

She looked for anger, only there wasn’t any. There was just the gaping hole and the knowledge that he had forever changed her in a thousand ways.

She had no idea what to say to him, so she nodded and walked back the way she’d come. She made her way to her bedroom where she began to pack her things. After a few minutes, she had to stop because she couldn’t see through the tears. She collapsed on the edge of the bed, covering her face with her hands as she cried.

She was aware of someone coming into the room, sitting beside her and holding her tight. Sadly it wasn’t Alec. She inhaled the scent of Bianca’s light perfume and forced herself to get something close to a grip on herself.

She wiped her eyes and faced her client. “I apologize. This is very unprofessional.”

Bianca hugged her. “Screw being professional. I was afraid Alec would snap. It was the Dietrich thing, wasn’t it? Stupid man. Doesn’t he understand how many fantasies he fulfilled in a single moment? I don’t care if it’s politically correct or not—every woman wants to have her man fight for her.”

Bianca released her. “All right. Let’s figure this out. You obviously need to leave. I understand. I’ll help you pack.”

“Thank you.” Margot pressed a hand to her chest. “I just need a moment to think. Where will we continue your lessons?” She couldn’t come back here. She just couldn’t—it would hurt too much. Maybe a hotel would work.

Bianca shook her head. “You’ve been trying to dump me for weeks now. We both know I need to get on with my life. I’ve been afraid not to have you around to tell me what to do, but it’s time for me to be brave.”

“Are you sure?”

“If I don’t know the right fork, I’ll let someone else pick up theirs first. If I feel pressured or nervous, I’ll excuse myself.” She offered a wry smile. “If a man wants to touch my ass, I’ll tell him no. I’m ready and even if I’m not, Wesley loves me and despite the arguments you and I have had on the subject, I do genuinely love him.”

“I know you do.” Margot took her hands and squeezed them. “You have a warm, giving heart. You’re going to do great.”

“As are you. I’m sorry my son is acting like this. He’s always had trouble with strong emotions. He thinks they make him weak.” She grimaced. “Or maybe it’s that he thinks they make him like me. Either way, it’s difficult for him. He needs time. He’ll come around. He’ll see you’re the best thing that ever happened to him.”

Margot nodded because it was expected, but she knew it wasn’t true—not the promise that he would come around, and that was the only part she cared about.

“Tell me we’ll stay friends,” Bianca said.

“Of course. I’d like that very much.”

“Good. Me, too.”

Margot collected her belongings and Bianca put them in the suitcase. In less time than she would have thought, she was ready to leave.

As they carried her suitcases to the car, she kept hoping Alec would burst out of his office and tell her not to go. That he would sweep her into his arms and confess that he loved her and swear that they belonged together forever. Only he didn’t and, after Bianca went back in the house, there was nothing for her to do but get in her car and drive away.

  When Math 131 had started, Sunshine hadn’t been sure she could last a week, let alone the entire semester. But here she was, sitting through the review session, going over material for the final exam and she understood it. All of it.

She and Ann had scheduled a couple of extra sessions and they had made all the difference. Now, as the professor reminded them of what they’d studied, Sunshine was able to keep up easily.

She was going to do it, she thought happily. She was going to pass the class, and with a good grade. She had confirmation for her summer school class and had already signed up for a study group. Yes, she had miles to go before earning her degree, but she’d taken the first steps and she was proud of herself.

As she walked through the pretty campus on the way to her car, she admitted that she was less excited about other aspects of her life. Declan would be home in a couple of days and she honestly had no idea what she was going to say to him.