The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose(11)

OPRAH: And the ultimate shadow belief is that I’m not good enough, right?

DEBBIE: I think that there are a couple of core shadow beliefs. I’m not good enough. I’m unlovable. Another form of I’m not good enough is I’m unworthy. And I think women more than anybody have that innately inside of them. So those are three very powerful shadow beliefs that birth all the other ones that come along. It’s not about resisting these beliefs, it’s about embracing. And asking how do we feel strong enough no matter who we are? We’re born with gifts that have been so suppressed that we can’t allow that real self to emerge. And if you can’t allow the dark to exist, then you can’t allow the light.





MICHAEL SINGER


OPRAH: What are we supposed to do when problems show up?

MICHAEL SINGER: The moment it starts with that chitter-chatter, my first reaction inside is to relax and lean away. I lean away from the noise the mind is making. Because you’re going to do one of two things once it starts: You’re either going to lean into it and get involved, and let it pull you in—

OPRAH: Yes, which is what most of us do.

MICHAEL: Right, or relax and lean away. And once you lean away and get some space, you will learn over time that that’s the smartest thing you ever did. Why? Because you gave the noise room to pass through and it does. It passes right through.

OPRAH: Why are we so afraid of change?

MICHAEL: What happens is we’ve gone into the mind and said, I’m not okay. How does everything need to be for me to be okay? And then we devote ourselves to trying to create the situation that we think will make us be okay. And when things start changing and don’t match that model, then we get scared, because it looks like it’s not going to work. Fear is a thing. You can either push it away or you can let it go. You can either avoid it and be scared of it or you can let it pass right through. Fear comes up out of your heart, that’s a very natural thing; it’s human. You are watching, you see it, but you have the right to relax and let it pass right through you. If you don’t do that, you’re going to try to fix it. You’re going to try to control situations so you don’t ever feel the fear, and it all starts to bother you. Eventually you’ll forget your whole purpose and you’ll just be scared. You just get scared.

OPRAH: The alternative is to decide not to fight with life, but for some people that can feel like just giving up.

MICHAEL: But you don’t do that in any way, shape, or form. Life is a natural unfolding of reality. You’re supposed to harmonize and work with it. You don’t give up and let it take over. Like if you get on a horse and you’re scared, you’re not going to be a very good rider, right? But that doesn’t mean you let the horse go wherever it wants. You learn how to interface and interact with life in a wholesome, participatory way. Letting go of fear is not letting go of life.





ELIZABETH GILBERT


This was my victory and my battle. All my demons, all my monsters that I’d been carrying around forever, the light came through and I realized, Oh, they’re not demons. They’re not monsters. They’re not dragons. I’ve been making them more grandiose than they are. They’re just the orphaned parts of me. They’re just the fearful-est, most terrified parts of me. They are scared to death. And they are throwing temper tantrums because of their fear. And now I have to tell them that it’s going to be okay. And they will all go to sleep. I am the mother of all of these parts of me. At one point, I remember in my mind ascending above them all and saying, I love you, fear, and now you go to sleep. I love you, anger, you’re part of me. Go to sleep. It’s fine. I’m in charge now. I love you, shame. Even you. Come into my heart. Go to sleep. You’re safe. I love you. I’m not leaving you. You’re part of me. You’re part of the family. You’re never going to be away from me. I love you, failure. Come into my heart. Rest. You’re so tired. You’re so scared. You’re just children. You don’t know how the world works. I love all of you. I have space for all of you. And together, we’re just going to go forward now.





CHAPTER FIVE


THE MAP


All dreams start from the core. Unless you are in total alignment with whatever you envision, the dream will get derailed. Your intention has to be pure.

—Oprah




How many times have you witnessed someone get close to achieving a goal, only to see it all suddenly fall apart?

Or, he or she does reach the top of the mountain but can’t hold on. Maybe you too have struggled with near-misses and not-quite-realized dreams, yet are unable to pinpoint why. Self-sabotage can be a devastating cycle.

I believe deeply in what Paulo Coelho so famously wrote in his seminal book, The Alchemist: When you want something, all the Universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.

Time and again, I have seen how the Universe rises up to meet the vision that lives inside us. But just as often, I’ve seen dreams crushed.

The variable between winning the race and faltering at the finish line lies with one of the guiding forces in my life: intention.

Before you embark on any quest, you must first articulate your vision. Set your course. It doesn’t have to be a public or formal declaration, but it does need to be clear. Particularly in today’s climate, where there is a palpable craving for meaning and authenticity. People can feel what’s real and what’s not. So if you want support for your idea, stand in what you hold sacred. Those who sense your truth will rise up. And, most important, you must believe with your whole heart that you are capable of achieving your goal. If not, your path becomes murky and the goal stays out of reach.