The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life's Direction and Purpose(10)
CAROLINE MYSS: To the people who are in despair, I would say to them, I need you to be fully present and appreciate all that is in your life right now. I would tell them, you had your life focused on something that didn’t belong to you, and a path that didn’t belong to you. Yes, you did, or you wouldn’t be here. You locked in on something that did not belong to you. Someone that didn’t belong to you. You didn’t let go of a yesterday that didn’t belong to you. You hung onto a rage that didn’t belong to you and you wouldn’t let it go. You lost track of being here, or something happened to you, and you said, “It shouldn’t have happened to me.” And you never got over it. I promise you that happened. When you finally said, “It’s not my life. I don’t know how I lost my purpose.” But no, you didn’t—you did not lose your purpose. What you lost was the sense that you thought certain things shouldn’t happen to you and they did. As if you were excluded from the ordinary everyday things of life and you can’t get over it. The number of times someone will say to themselves, “I want to get out of this circumstance, but I’m too afraid to take care of myself, so I will lie about how happy I am in this marriage.” Or, “I will put up a front.” Or, “I will lie about this.” But they’re betraying everything that’s in their heart. They’re betraying everything. When they say to me, “Am I on the right path?” I tell them, “Here’s what’s true. You’re on your right path, you’re just not managing it that well right now.”
OPRAH: You’re never on the wrong path.
CAROLINE: You’re never on the wrong path. You’re just not managing it well. You’re making choices that are harming you. And that’s why it’s hurting right now. You’re making unwise choices. And your intuition is trying to tell you that.
OPRAH: You’re making unwise choices, including the path that you’re on right now.
CAROLINE: And the way you’re managing the path you’re on is harming you. And when your life path begins to harm you, then we have to sit back and say, “You’ve taken a detour.”
OPRAH: You know I just had an aha listening to you. I love it when that happens to me. And it’s because of your use of the word betrayal. I’ve often thought, having had the experience of being betrayed by a close member of my family years ago, I thought that was the worst. I believed there’s nothing worse than being betrayed. And just hearing you talk about it today, I think there’s nothing worse than betraying yourself. That the worst, most ultimate betrayal is the betrayal to yourself.
INDIA.ARIE
INDIA.ARIE: The first year I went to the Grammys, it was really out of the blue because I hadn’t sold that many albums but I got nominated for seven Grammys. And then the show came and I lost all of them. And it was this big conversation, all over the radio for years, years. You know, “Why…?” and “How could she…?”
OPRAH: How could you be nominated for seven Grammys and not win one?
INDIA: Yes. It ended up being called a shutout. I’ve heard people refer to it as “the India.Arie” or “What if you get India.Arie’d at the Grammys?” Like it’s this thing. But I realize two things about that now. One is that it really was God’s way of giving me a breakthrough, because I was on everybody’s lips all of a sudden because I lost. And those people had love for me and compassion for me. So then my album sales shot up. The second thing I realized is that I was scared of failing and I was scared of succeeding. At the time, I felt, Well, maybe I’m not meant to have all of that. And maybe I didn’t deserve it. All that self-talk. When I first got those Grammy nominations, I was having chest pains when I really should have been celebrating and enjoying.
I know this is going to sound simple, but I really feel this: Your self-worth is your job. It’s your sacred space to cultivate. Because there’s always going to be somebody who comes along and says, “You’re not thin enough,” or, “Your hair’s not that enough,” or, “Your voice is not high enough,” or, “You’re not going to make it in the music industry because you don’t sound like all the other girls.” But if you can, remind yourself that they’re wrong because you know you’re on your path. Sometimes I just ask myself, What would I do if I knew I was 100 percent worthy of this? What would I do? Just ask, What if?
MICHAEL BERNARD BECKWITH
There’s a shift that takes place when you’re talking about the possibilities more than you’re talking about your issues. With your issues, your energy goes into the lower frequencies. Doubt. Worry. Fear. Now you’re in that sediment. You’re in that dynamic. But if you start talking about possibility, even if you don’t know how to get there, then your energy starts to go up. Ask a what if question. What if all my needs were met? What would I be doing in my life? What if everything is really working together for my good? What if all the bad things that have happened in my life are leading me to activating some great potential in my experience? What if God really is on my side? You ask a what if question and you start to notice little tiny miracles happening in your life.
DEBBIE FORD
DEBBIE FORD: The shadow belief is always fear based. It’s when we say, I don’t want to be like that. Or, I’ll never be like my mother. It’s also a fear-based judgment when somebody says something to us and it has this jarring effect and makes us angry. We know it’s our shadow, because otherwise we wouldn’t care.