The Lost Man(92)

‘No. Nothing.’

‘I think Cameron used to sabotage it.’

‘Seriously?’

‘Not often, but getting stuck out there once or twice was enough. He knew how to do it too, so I’d get a few kilometres before it would drop out. Like last year, I was stuck for nearly five hours, waiting for him to come and drag me home like an animal. I couldn’t trust the car, and if I couldn’t trust it, he knew I couldn’t drive it. And I couldn’t take the girls away in it.’

Ilse lay back again. The stars were growing fainter now.

‘Not that we’d get far anyway,’ she said. ‘My passport has expired. Neither of the girls even has one. He’d taken my driving licence and residency documents, in theory to file away, but when I wanted them, I couldn’t find them. I haven’t had a paid job since I worked in the pub. I don’t have any family in this country, no real friends. And people around here liked Cameron. If they had to choose a side, it wouldn’t be mine.’ Ilse turned her head. ‘Just ask Jenna Moore.’

‘What about Glenn? He’s a good bloke. He could have protected you.’

‘How?’ Ilse’s gaze was serious and Nathan realised she was really asking. ‘How is he going to protect me from my husband in the next room? He’s three hours away in the police station on a good day. Do you know what an angry person can do in three hours?’

Nathan said nothing. He did, actually.

‘There are accidents just waiting to happen around here,’ she said. ‘Maybe next time it’s me who falls from my horse, but instead of breaking my arm, I break my neck. Or I get my hand ripped off in machinery. Or get backed over by one of the cars. Or Sophie does, or Lo.’

Nathan thought about that, then had to stop thinking about it.

‘Things had been getting worse these last few months,’ Ilse went on. ‘Since he found out that Jenna called, in hindsight. I’d made an emergency plan, in case I had to leave in a hurry. I started collecting cash, anything small I could get my hands on. I put aside some things for the girls, clothes and toys. Not enough that Cameron would notice, but then Lo made a fuss and I had to put most of them back. So I concentrated on trying to find some of the most important documents, the girls’ birth certificates, my proof of residency, things like that. When I had a few things together I’d drive out and hide them.’

Nathan pictured her kneeling under the blazing sun by the headstone at the stockman’s grave, turning the soil.

‘You hid them at the grave?’

‘It’s on the way to town, but far enough away from here that I felt a bit safer. If Cameron had found out –’ She stopped. ‘Anyway. I wrapped everything in a plastic envelope and buried it.’

‘So what happened?’

‘Cameron hurt Sophie. That was the final straw. Or I thought it was, at least. I’d always told myself it was one thing when it was between me and him, but when it came to the girls –’ She sat up. ‘The next morning, I put Sophie and Lo in the workers’ car. I didn’t tell anyone we were going, didn’t pack anything. But reality sank in on the way. I hadn’t saved nearly enough money. The fuel alone to get anywhere from here is bad enough, and I’d have to pay for accommodation, food, clothes for the girls to replace what we’d left. Legal fees, maybe? I didn’t have anything like enough for long-term survival.’ She looked out at the far horizon, visible now against the encroaching dawn.

‘So you came back?’

‘It was terrible. I hated myself for it. I just stood beside that stupid grave. I didn’t even bother to dig up the envelope in the end. I put the girls back in the car. It was the longest drive of my life. The girls were confused. I couldn’t think what to tell them.’ She shook her head. ‘After that I started grabbing whatever I needed as fast as I could.’

She shook her head.

‘Cameron noticed. I’m sure of it. He was always around, I couldn’t get out of his sight. Harry had to practically order him to go and fix that mast on Lehmann’s Hill, Cam had been putting it off so long. On that last morning, when Cam pulled over on the driveway before he left –’

She frowned, remembering.

‘He was tense, like something was going to happen. I asked if he was going to the mast with Bub, and he said he was. But he looked at me in this strange way, and I knew he was lying.’ She lay back down. ‘He’d been looking through Lo’s sketchbook the night before. I think he saw that painting again, the one of me and the girls at the grave, and put two and two together. When I heard he’d been found dead out there, I kept waiting for someone to ask me about the envelope.’

Nathan pictured Cameron’s body under the tarp and the shallow hole in the ground. ‘He didn’t have anything with him when he was found.’ Certainly not a plastic envelope full of cash and documents.

‘I know. I thought it must still be buried there. I was scared someone would stumble across it. I didn’t want anyone to think that I –’

‘What?’

‘Had anything to do with what happened to him.’

The faint tan lines and freckles on her skin were visible in the early-morning glow. The sky was almost fully light now. The household would be waking up.

‘The day before yesterday was the first chance I had. I went out there and dug, same spot as always.’