The Lost Man(89)

‘I suppose. Either way, my dog’s still dead.’

‘I know.’ She stretched out and touched his boot gently with her toes. ‘But that’ll still be the case whether you forgive your brother or not.’

‘Yeah. Maybe.’

‘Definitely, I think, Nathan. Unfortunately,’ she said, and he felt himself smile.

Ilse settled a little on the step and the wood creaked. ‘How much longer are you here for?’

‘Until the day after tomorrow. Xander’s getting the plane on the twenty-seventh.’

‘Before you go home, we’ll have to talk over what to do about this place. With Bub, of course.’

‘Of course.’

She leaned back, her eyes half-closed. ‘Not now, though.’

‘No,’ he said. ‘We don’t have to do it now.’

‘Now, I’m going to sit here and listen to the music.’

‘Sounds good.’

The light flicked off in the backpackers’ caravan and they both looked over. It was pitch black out there now. Above, Nathan could make out the evening stars.

‘So they’re thinking about leaving?’ Ilse said.

‘Yeah. Well, Katy anyway. But, listen –’ He hesitated. He didn’t really want to have this conversation. Not now. ‘I was talking to her –’

‘I think she’s pregnant,’ Ilse said suddenly. ‘She seems it.’

Nathan stared at her, then nodded.

A long silence as Ilse stared out into the night. ‘Is it someone’s other than Simon’s?’

‘Apparently so.’

‘Ah.’ The word was like an exhalation and Ilse’s face twisted. She might have suspected, but Nathan could tell she hadn’t known for sure.

‘I don’t think she’s planning to keep it,’ he said. ‘If that makes a difference. But that’s why Cam made those calls to St Helens.’

‘That’s what it was about?’

‘I think so.’

Ilse stared at the darkened caravan for a long time. ‘I’m pretty sure she’s not even the first,’ she said eventually.

‘Really?’

‘I don’t mean the pregnancy, although –’ She shook her head. ‘What do I know? But do you remember Magda?’

Nathan did, actually. A gentle Polish girl with a soft accent who had been there one Christmas a few years ago. Not long after, he heard she’d gone, two months before her contract was up.

‘And there was a girl over here from Perth. I think her, maybe. For a while. Maybe others.’

‘Cam was –’ Nathan struggled to put it into words. ‘Not good enough. In a lot of ways.’

Ilse had a look on her face he couldn’t quite read. She twisted the beer bottle in her hands, her fingertips leaving streaks in the condensation.

‘Is that what the card with your present was about? Katy?’ he said.

Forgive me.

‘I’m honestly not sure. Maybe.’ She examined her hands. ‘Maybe not. With Cameron, it could have been a few things.’

‘Yeah. I’m starting to realise that.’ The dark felt thick and heavy. ‘I spoke to Steve earlier. About Jenna.’

‘Oh, yes?’ Ilse’s eyes flicked to him.

‘He said he told me the same as you.’

She leaned back, disappointed. ‘So nothing definite. No physical evidence, he told me.’

‘I don’t know. It sounded pretty definite to me.’

‘Did it?’

‘I thought so. Especially in hindsight, for whatever that’s worth. I should have, I don’t know, at the time –’ Nathan was quiet. ‘But Cam’s my brother. I believed him.’

‘I know.’ Her eyes were on him. ‘What do you think now?’

He looked up. The night sky was huge.

‘I think Cameron forced her.’

‘I do, too.’

They looked at each other for a long time.

Nathan had finally opened his mouth to say something when he heard footsteps on the other side of the yard. ‘Sounds like Harry doing the generator. Do you want to get inside before the lights go out?’

Ilse took a sip of beer, not quite looking at him now. ‘Do you?’

‘No.’

Her eyes turned back to him just before the familiar electrical thump plunged them into darkness. The generator fell silent and there was the sound of Harry climbing the stairs to his own cabin.

Nathan put the guitar down. He could hear nothing now but the distant rush of wind and Ilse breathing. Against the inky night sky, he watched as her shadow tilted its head back and looked up at the stars.

‘I was trying to leave him.’

Nathan felt something stir deep inside him. ‘Were you?’

‘I’ve been planning it for a while. Leave with Sophie and Lo. It’s not that easy around here, though. Practically, I mean. You can’t just pick up and go. I mean you can, physically, but –’ She waved a hand at the hundreds of kilometres of space all around them. ‘Go where?’

To me, Nathan wanted to say. You could have come to me. He stopped himself. ‘Were you leaving because of Katy and the others?’

‘No, actually. Although that obviously didn’t help. There were other reasons.’ She was quiet for a long time. ‘It’s hard being married to someone who really doesn’t love you.’