The Lost Man(85)

‘Jenna couldn’t get away from him?’

‘Honestly, she might not even have tried. She said she froze. I think she felt a bit ashamed about that but it’s actually a very common response. Either way, she was out there on her own in the dark with this big, insistent bloke.’ He looked at Nathan. ‘Someone can decide it’s in their best interests to agree to something, but a choice is only really a choice if there’s a genuine alternative. Otherwise it’s manipulation and it’s taking advantage.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s rape.’

Nathan thought of Katy. It was easier to say yes than no.

Steve was watching him. ‘I’m sorry. I know that’s hard to hear.’

A burst of laughter caught on the breeze, raucous and deep. Nathan looked over this time. Whole groups of guests were spilling out now. He saw Melanie, her hair glowing red-gold in the sunshine. She caught his eye and waved.

‘I’m heading off now,’ she called, pointing to a nice-looking Land Cruiser where a couple of the Atherton crowd were already climbing aboard. ‘It was good to see you.’

‘Yeah. You too.’

She smiled at him and he had a sudden image of her, younger, and smiling just like that as she sipped a drink under a night sky. Had she been at the party by the sand dunes that night? Nathan wondered. He honestly couldn’t remember. He realised she was still waiting and he cleared his throat. ‘Maybe see you again.’

‘I hope so.’ She looked pleased and with another wave, jogged towards the waiting vehicle.

Nathan turned his attention back to Steve, who was still watching her leave.

‘You should call her,’ Steve said. ‘She’d do you far more good than anything I could prescribe.’

‘So I keep getting told.’ Nathan waved an impatient hand. ‘Listen, if Jenna was so scared, why did she let Cam drive her back to town afterwards?’

‘How many kilometres from the dunes to town?’

‘Twelve.’

‘Long way to walk at night when you’re shaken up and alone.’

‘She could have asked someone else.’

‘I thought she didn’t know anyone else there.’

Nathan said nothing. She hadn’t. Only Jacqui, who had left earlier, with him. He imagined Cam and Jenna driving back into town. Pulling up outside the pub, where they were seen by Rob, the owner.

‘Rob saw Jenna kissing Cam in the car back in town,’ he said, finally.

‘Did he?’ Steve’s eyes were watchful. ‘Or did he see Cameron kiss Jenna, and her allow it so she’d be let out of the car?’

‘Jesus, Steve, how am I supposed to know that?’

‘You’re not. Just like I don’t know. And Rob looking out of his pub window doesn’t know either. Like I said, an opinion is the best I can offer.’

Nathan frowned. He could see Harry among the crowd now, alongside Liz. She was clinging to him like a lifeboat as people reached out to grip her hand and pull her towards them in an embrace. There were waves and calls of farewell. Harry caught Nathan’s eye and beckoned him over. Nathan ignored him.

‘Jenna took her time telling anyone.’ He turned back to Steve, surprised by the defensive note in his tone. ‘She didn’t help herself there by pretending everything was fine.’

Steve almost smiled, but caught himself.

‘What?’ Nathan demanded.

‘Just that that’s bloody rich coming from you,’ Steve said. ‘Nathan, people pretend to themselves that they are fine all the time. Every day, and for years on end.’

He gestured at the departing crowd, sweating in their dusty funeral clothes and with hours of driving ahead of them. ‘Life out here is hard. We all try to get through the best way we can. But trust me, there’s not a single person here who isn’t lying to themselves about something.’

Ilse’s head appeared amid the group, loose strands of hair plastered to the sides of her hot face. Steve’s eyes fell on her for a second and he took a breath as if to say something, then appeared to change his mind, releasing the air from his lungs. He turned back to Nathan.

‘You are one of the worst around here for that kind of thing by an absolute mile. You’re so far from fine that you’re terrified to admit to yourself how bad things have got. Let alone admit it to your mum or your son. They’ve both asked me to get you in for a chat and a check-up, by the way.’

‘I know. Okay.’

‘Really? You’ll come in? No argument?’

Nathan shook his head. He knew he had crossed a line somewhere – maybe in the last few hours, maybe in the past few years – and suddenly that line seemed a very long way away. He didn’t want to be alone on this side of it anymore. He just hoped he could still find his way back.

More people came out of the house, Simon among them. Katy followed a few paces behind. They stood slightly apart, both from the crowd and each other, Katy occasionally glancing at Simon with a faintly confused look, as though she was trying to work something out. She did not turn once towards Ilse, who was wandering from group to group, looking overwhelmed.

‘If this had all been dealt with at the time, it would have been better for everyone,’ Nathan said. Across the yard, the graves lay silent and lonely. There was no-one around them now. All the activity was with the living. ‘Including Cam.’