The Lost Man(81)

Chapter 30



Nathan stood outside the office, one hand on the door, debating whether to go back in. He wasn’t sure what he would say to Ilse, but he wanted to say something. Thank you, maybe.

He was still hovering when he heard a familiar cough in the gloom. He looked up the hallway. Liz was standing outside her bedroom. Her feet were bare and she was leaning against the doorway for support. She started as she saw Nathan watching her.

‘You looked like your dad for a second.’ Her gaze was unfocused as he walked over. ‘Everyone’s still here.’ She sounded surprised.

‘You haven’t been asleep long.’

‘Oh. I thought it would all be over.’

‘No. Not yet,’ he said, wondering vaguely what medication Steve had given her. ‘Maybe you should lie down again.’

‘I can’t. I close my eyes and I think about Cameron. I wake up and I think about Cameron. I may as well be up.’

Someone passed by at the other end of the hall, their shadow long. Old Tom. He saw Liz and raised a hand.

‘I should go and say hello to people.’ She didn’t move.

‘I don’t think anyone would mind if you didn’t.’

‘Cameron would mind.’ Liz turned to him, her eyes suddenly clearer. ‘Have you spoken to Steve yet? Made an appointment?’

‘Not yet.’

‘You promised me, Nathan.’ Liz took his arm, her fingers surprisingly strong.

‘I know. I will.’

‘Let’s go now and –’

‘Grandma?’ Xander stood at the end of the hall with the girl Nathan had seen him talking to outside. He touched her elbow. ‘I’ll catch up with you in a minute.’

The girl looked a little disappointed, but nodded. As she wandered away, Xander turned back. ‘Are you okay, Grandma?’

‘We’re going to find Steve.’

‘He’s outside.’

‘Is Bub out there too?’ Nathan said, feeling a few certain words about a certain dog brewing inside him.

‘No.’ Xander hesitated. ‘He was a bit drunk. Uncle Harry brought him inside for a rest.’

‘Let’s go and find Steve, Nathan.’

‘Grandma, you haven’t even got shoes on,’ Xander said, with a note of accusation that Nathan felt was directed his way.

‘Oh.’ Liz looked down. ‘I don’t know –’ She scanned the floor, flustered, as though they might appear.

‘They’re probably in your bedroom,’ Nathan said. ‘Xander, you help your grandma. I’ll go and have a word with Steve.’

‘Are you actually going to talk to him?’ Xander said, as Liz stumbled back into her room. ‘Or are you just saying that to shut her up?’

‘No, I’ll talk to him. Good enough?’

‘Not really.’ Xander was looking past him.

Nathan sighed. ‘You planning to carry on like this until you leave? Because I’m not sure I’m up for another three days of it.’

‘Are you going to think about what I said?’

‘About what? About me moving away? Mate, we’ve been through this –’

‘No, we haven’t. You haven’t even thought about it. But, yeah, whatever. Like you said, I’ll be gone in three days and you’ll be back on your own again and can do whatever you like. Everything back to how you want it.’

‘Mate, this is not how I want it.’

‘Bullshit, you –’

There was a soft tumble from the bedroom that sounded like shoes being dropped and they both looked over. Nathan started for the bedroom door.

‘I’ll go.’ Xander stopped him. ‘You’re supposed to be getting your head straight.’

He disappeared into the bedroom and Nathan stood in the hall alone for a moment.

He was lucky, Nathan thought as he turned away. For years, Xander had never given him a moment’s grief. He went to school, he was polite to old people, he didn’t drink or take drugs, as far as Nathan knew, anyway. He was naturally good-hearted in a way that Nathan was surprised had come from he and Jacqui. If the kid was pushing back now, it wasn’t before time.

Still, it had felt easier when he was younger. He could still clearly remember that day more than sixteen years ago now, when Jacqui had told him she was pregnant. Her eyes had gleamed with delight and they’d both managed to pretend for a while that their marriage wasn’t already on shaky ground.

Nathan heard the toilet flush in the small bathroom down the hall. The chatter still coming from the living room had taken on a slightly different tone. Things were starting to wrap up, Nathan thought. People would be leaving soon. A tray of half-eaten sandwiches had been abandoned precariously on the table by the phone, threatening to topple off. He picked it up and headed for the kitchen.

Jacqui hadn’t been smiling for long though. It had been a hard pregnancy. She’d had severe morning sickness, gagging at the sight of anything but plain rice. It had lasted most of the day and far past the week when the books had promised it would stop. She had lain on the couch in the heat with a bucket by her side, waving away anything Nathan could think to offer.

As Nathan passed the toilet, he heard the lock turn on the door and Katy came out, pale-faced and clutching a balled-up tissue.