The Friends We Keep(106)

So here he was, living this idyllic life in the heart of the English countryside, with his favorite people in the world, about to do a landscape design course that would hopefully qualify him to turn this newfound passion into a business. And he had such wonderful plans for the garden here, to turn it into a showpiece. And now it looked like it was all coming to an end.

Fuck it, he thought an hour ago. He wasn’t going to sit around and cry over something he had no control over. Maybe he’d still do the garden here anyway. Who knows, maybe they’d all leave this house but Maggie would let him do the garden, as a kind of thank-you, a showpiece for the business he hoped to soon have.

He had absolutely no control over what Maggie or Evvie was feeling, or what they were planning to do. But he did have control over his own actions, and he did have control over the garden. Maggie had said that he could do whatever he wanted, and there was no time like the present to get started, before she changed her mind. And if nothing else, it would take his mind off the shit show that had gone down inside the house with the appearance of Jack.

He smiled when he thought of Jack, despite himself. It was the most bizarre thing imaginable, seeing this facsimile of Ben. He had never known Ben well, but because of Maggie’s crush in college, Ben had always been a part of Topher’s story, and would have remained so, even if Maggie hadn’t ended up marrying him. There was something kind of awful and lovely about this surprise reemergence of a part of their past, even though Jack, clearly, was less Maggie’s past and more her future, perhaps.

Maybe, he thought. And then he decided not to think about it at all.



* * *



? ? ?

It was almost dusk when Maggie came outside. Topher had measured the beds and sprayed them with fluorescent paint, just to check they were in the right place. When he was happy with the placement, he staked the corners with bamboo sticks and string, constantly stepping back to check, amazed how his vision came together so quickly.

He had dug out two beds by the time Maggie strode across the garden. The Barbour was on the ground, as was his cashmere sweater, and his shirt was not only filthy, but wet with sweat. He hadn’t done this sort of physical labor since . . . well, possibly not ever. It felt great in an exhausting sort of way.

“What the . . . ?” Maggie stood in the garden, her mouth agape, as Topher put the shovel down and pushed his hair off his face, leaving another muddy mark on his forehead.

“What are you doing, Bob the Builder? What on earth is going on out here?”

“I’m building a potager.”

“Now?”

“There’s no time like the present. I’m thinking of a perennial white border, and then herbs in the beds.”

“And you’re planning on doing this all by yourself.”

“Not really.” He grimaced, leaning on the shovel. “I was planning on just marking it out and paying gardeners to do the actual labor, but then I got carried away. Are you okay, Maggie? Do you want to talk? I’ve been trying to pin you down for days but I feel like you’re avoiding me.”

“I’m not avoiding you. That’s not true, I am avoiding you but don’t take it personally. I’m not ready to talk about this with anyone just yet. There’s too much going on in my head. I need to let it all settle down a bit.”

“Have you heard from Evvie?”

“No! And I don’t expect to. I’ve spoken to Jack though. A few times. Apparently she’s staying in a B and B, and he’s couch surfing. I have no interest in speaking to Evvie right now.”

“I understand. Listen, if you want me to move out, I can . . .”

“Oh, Topher. I’m sorry. I know none of this is going the way we all expected. I don’t know what I want right now, and I have no idea what to do. I’ve decided to take a little break from it all. I’m running away for a few nights to Lucknam Park. I just need a change of scenery.”

“Do you want company?”

“No. Thank you. I feel like I’m suffocating a bit with the weight of all this knowledge. I need some peace and quiet. And I need to get away from this house, and all my memories of Ben here. I’ve booked a few spa treatments and plan on going on lots of long, solitary hikes. I feel like the quiet will help, and I need to be on my own.”

“Oh, Maggie. I’m so sorry. You know I had no idea about Jack. You do believe me, don’t you?”

“Of course I believe you. But that boy. Man. It’s just so confusing. It’s like having a piece of Ben back. I don’t know what to do about that either.”

“I know. It’s weird, and awful, and amazing, all at the same time. The similarities are uncanny. I can’t imagine what this is like for you.”

Maggie let out a deep sigh. “As strange as this may sound, I think I needed this. I was so full of resentment against Ben, and then the guilt when he died. We had been miserable for so long, and I was so angry, and sad, and guilty at not being able to stop him drinking.” She paused. “I did tell you about his drinking, didn’t I?”

“You did.”

“I’m sorry. I am so used to keeping the secret, I can’t even remember who I’ve told. I felt like when he died, all I was left with were miserable memories. But seeing Jack has brought back some of the good memories. Not just university, but the early days of our relationship. This makes no sense to me, but as horrific as this whole situation has been, there’s also some healing going on for me. Wherever this leads, the only thing I’m certain of is that this is righting some of the wrongs in my relationship with Ben, at least in terms of memory.”