The Dilemma(20)

‘What’s this?’ I ask.

‘Something to make you feel a million dollars.’

‘I already do, with lovely friends, like you.’ I open the bag and take out a beautiful red swimsuit, complete with diamanté straps. It’s not something I’d ever consider buying for myself and I love it.

Kirin orders champagne and while we’re waiting for it to arrive, we head to the pool house to change.

‘It fits perfectly,’ I say, once I’ve got my swimsuit on. ‘It’s beautiful, thank you! Have we got time for a swim?’

‘Of course.’

It’s only when I’m in the pool that I realise how much strain I’ve been under during the last few weeks. I lie on my back and close my eyes, letting the tension seep out of me. Everything will be alright, I tell myself. It has to be. I couldn’t bear it if it wasn’t.

Our drinks arrive, drawing us from the pool.

‘Who’s that for?’ Jess asks, pointing at the glass of orange juice.

Kirin raises her hand. ‘That would be me – although I will have a sip of champagne,’ she adds.

Jess looks at her. ‘You’re not—’

She gives a rueful smile. ‘I am.’

‘Wow, Kirin, that’s wonderful!’ I exclaim, giving her a hug.

She sits down suddenly, as if her legs can’t hold her up anymore.

‘It’s twins,’ she says. ‘Again.’

I do the maths quickly and realise she’ll have five children under six.

‘Oh my God, how lovely!’ Jess looks so excited, although I know the news must hurt a little, as she was desperate for more children after Cleo. But after three miscarriages, she and Rob decided to stop trying. It’s probably even harder with Nelson and Rob being brothers, but Jess is the most selfless person I know. She doesn’t deserve everything that has happened to her these last two years.

‘How are you feeling?’ I ask Kirin.

‘Fine for now. I’m only twelve weeks. I had a scan yesterday and that’s when they told me there were two.’

‘I wish I’d been there to see Nelson’s face!’

‘He wasn’t there.’

‘Why not?’

‘I haven’t told him I’m pregnant.’

Jess glances at me: She hasn’t told Nelson?

‘But—’ She looks anxiously at Kirin. ‘Hasn’t he noticed?’

She shakes her head. ‘I haven’t put on much weight yet and I haven’t had any morning sickness. It’s always the middle three months that are the worst for me. So, any time now.’

‘Why haven’t you told him?’ I ask. ‘He’ll be fine about it, won’t he?’

‘We had a conversation about having a fourth child after Lily was born, and he said three was enough. I broached the subject again when I guessed I was pregnant, and he said definitely not.’

‘Oh, Kirin.’ I reach over and give her hand a squeeze. ‘He’ll come around to the idea, once he knows.’

‘I know he will. And despite his moaning, he loves being a dad. It’s just the fact that there are two.’ She starts laughing. ‘I don’t think he ever imagined, even in his worst nightmare, that he’d end up with five children under the age of six. He’s not going to know what’s hit him.’

Jess and I start laughing too. ‘There’s something incredibly funny about Nelson being a father of five,’ Jess says, wiping her eyes. ‘I think we need a drink.’ She hands us each a glass of champagne. ‘Happy birthday! And congratulations,’ she adds with a smile at Kirin.

‘Thank you for this lovely treat,’ I say, clinking their glasses. ‘You’re the best.’

Kirin takes a sip of champagne. ‘Maybe I’ll tell Nelson at the party tonight, once he’s had a few drinks.’

‘That’s not a bad idea. With everyone congratulating him and telling him what an amazing family he’s going to have, he’ll think it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.’

‘It’s not just the fact that I’m pregnant, though,’ she says, swapping her champagne for the glass of juice. ‘I don’t want to carry on working when I have five young children. The cost of childcare will be exorbitant and anyway, I want to be able to spend time with them. Financially, it’s going to be difficult.’ She pauses. ‘The holidays will have to go, for a start. And other things – the ridiculously expensive wines Nelson loves so much, the bike stuff. It’s my salary that pays for all those extras. His really only covers the mortgage and the household bills.’

‘I’m sure he’ll be happy to make a sacrifice for a few years,’ Jess says.

‘But it won’t be for a few years, will it? Children get more expensive with age.’

‘Yes, they do,’ I say, trying not to imagine how much university fees and accommodation for five children will cost. ‘But think of what a lovely family you’ll have. And chances are that when they’re older, some of them will at least live in the same country as you. Paula – you know, my friend at the office who retired last year – has one of her sons living in Australia and the other in Canada. I’d hate it if I ended up with both my children living abroad.’