The Dilemma(21)

‘Well, at least you don’t have to worry about Marnie,’ Jess says. ‘You must be pleased she’s decided to come home instead of going travelling, especially with Josh off to New York in a couple of weeks.’

I shift restlessly on my seat. ‘Yes, I am.’

‘And don’t worry,’ Kirin adds. ‘I will tell Nelson. It’s just a case of finding the right time.’

‘Good,’ I say, wondering if I’ll ever find the right time to tell Adam what I should already have told him.

‘Tell Adam not to laugh too loud and too long when he hears the news.’

‘He won’t,’ I promise. ‘I think he might even be a tiny bit jealous.’

Jess looks intrigued. ‘Really? He’s never wanted a third child, has he?’

‘Honestly, I thought it was the last thing he wanted. But last September, after Marnie left for Hong Kong and Josh had gone back to university, I think the empty house hit him a bit because he said we should have had another baby.’ I take a long drink of my champagne and laugh. ‘Can you imagine it?’

‘It’s not too late,’ Kirin says.

‘Oh, I don’t mean my age or anything.’ Kirin is only two years younger than me and I’d hate her to think that’s what I meant. ‘It’s just that I’m so far away from all that now.’

‘Relax!’ she says, laughing. ‘Although it would make Nelson feel so much better if Adam was going to be a father again too.’

‘No chance,’ I say firmly. ‘Sorry!’

A waiter brings menus, and we order lunch. While we’re waiting for it to arrive, we have another swim and dry off on the sun loungers. As I apply some of Kirin’s sunscreen, my mind goes back to the day Adam made his ‘we should have had another child’ remark.

‘Adam, you can’t say that now!’ I tried to be light-hearted, but underneath I was angry because I would have loved to have had more children.

He looked at me in surprise. ‘What? You’re a great mum, you could totally handle it.’

‘That’s not what I mean. If you wanted another child, it should have been fifteen years ago. That’s when I would have liked one.’

‘You never mentioned it.’

‘Because I knew what you would say.’

He frowned. ‘I wish you’d at least broached the subject with me. I might have said yes.’

‘Look, the only reason you think you want a baby is because Marnie has left home. I know this is harsh but if you remember, you didn’t even want a second child.’

He flinched and I wished I could take it back. It’s something he’s never quite forgiven himself for, not wanting Marnie.





1 P.M. – 2 P.M.





Adam


I start to walk back towards the car park. It’s busier now, people pushing past each other, families walking as groups. Do any of them know about the crash? Nobody seems sad, the world is still turning. Or maybe they know, but because it hasn’t happened here, they’re detached from it all. The flight was on its way from Cairo to Amsterdam so most of the people affected by the crash will be from Egypt and the Netherlands. Nobody else will really care, not after the initial shock. It seems wrong, that detachment, selfish. Marnie pushes back into my mind. I should go home, in case she calls there. I don’t want Josh answering the house phone and hearing her in hysterics.

How long will she be stranded for, alone at Cairo Airport? I can’t imagine how she must be feeling – upset, frightened, completely unprepared for this sort of situation, without any life experience to help her cope. I should be with her, I need to be with her.

I stop walking and look around. There’s a travel agent’s somewhere near here. They’ll be able to help. I can get a flight to Cairo, find Marnie there. I start walking, then jogging, breaking through the crowds of people until I reach the travel agent’s.

Inside, I’m the only customer. A young woman – she doesn’t seem much older than Marnie – blonde, not dark-haired – looks up and smiles.

‘Can I help you?’

‘Hi, yes, I’d like to book a flight to Cairo, please.’

She immediately looks uneasy. She’ll have heard about the crash, of course she will, she’ll have been on her phone. I wonder if she’s been trained for this sort of situation, where a customer walks in and asks for a ticket to the very place where a plane has come down. I keep my eyes averted, hoping she’s not going to mention it.

‘When would you like to leave?’ she asks.

‘Later today, please.’ My voice sounds strange, even to my ears. She gives me another quick smile.

‘Why don’t you take a seat while I check?’

I don’t want to sit, I feel too claustrophobic.

‘It might not be possible today,’ she says carefully. ‘There’s some disruption with flights into Cairo.’ She pauses. ‘I could see if there’s a flight to one of the other airports in Egypt.’

‘No, it has to be Cairo.’

She looks behind her towards an open office door, but there’s no one there to help.

‘There may be something for tomorrow,’ she says, turning back to her computer. ‘Would that be a possibility for you?’