The Crow King's Wife (The Elder Blood Chronicles #5)(115)
“I thought my mother hated me my entire life.” Shade mused quietly and the sad smile returned as he spoke. “It wasn’t until I was desperately thinking of ways to preserve my friends that I realized every time she pushed me away or ignored my scraped knees she was protecting me the best way she could. She made everyone believe she despised me so Myth wouldn’t use me against her. I understand why she drank so much now too. I could use a drink myself.” He chuckled bitterly and let out a harsh breath. “It’s funny how it all makes sense when it is too late to do anything about it.” He fell silent for a moment and shook his head once before continuing. “I don’t even know where Myth is, and after watching Grace fight I know how talented she was with her Changeling powers. If she feared him enough to shun her own child, I should be terrified. To allow my friends to help me now would be condemning them to share my fate, and I won’t do it. I will save Charm, and then I will deal with Myth. Once I am taken care of he shouldn’t bother with anyone here beyond his pursuit of this stupid war. It won’t be personal once I’m gone. I know how he is with personal grievances and I’d rather no one else face that.” He tilted his head upwards as he spoke and cleared his throat huskily before looking back down at her. “Good-bye Zoey, and good luck. I hope you get things sorted out with Seth, or Dray, or whatever makes you happy. You should find happiness soon. You never know when Fate is going to spit in your face.” He whispered then pulled his hand free of hers and turned toward the gate once more. “It’s nice to know at least one person in this damn city can see my worth, but your groveling isn’t enough to keep me here so save it for someone stupider than me.” He snarled as he stormed from the city toward his waiting Spell Hawk.
“And everyone says you are a terrible liar. My how you have them all fooled.” Zoelyn whispered as she turned back toward the great hall. The knots in her stomach were gone replaced by a strange hollow feeling and a tight throat. She knew Shade believed he was doing what was best, but she didn’t see any way this could end well. He was facing a point in his life where he needed his friends more than anything else, and he had chosen to face it alone. “The Aspects keep you well Shade Morcaillo. I will pray for you nightly.” She promised in the same hushed voice and kept her steps slow enough to give herself time to force back the worst of her grief before she entered the hall. It was better if no one realized she had even seen Shade’s speech let alone spoken with him.
Dray would be the only one she would have to explain anything to that way, and she wasn’t even sure what she could say to him. Shade had sacrificed everything in his life for his friends, and now he was sacrificing his life as well, and somehow she was supposed to keep that knowledge buried in her own heart while she listened to everyone around her scorn him. It was the kind of secret that would sit like a lead weight in her mind, and she had no idea how she was going to deal with it, especially when Shade died because of her silence.
*
“Are you paying attention to me at all, Zoey?” Neph snapped and Zoelyn turned away from her window to gaze at her brother in confusion. Her attention had been so focused on the outer city that she hadn’t even heard him speak.
Her room was one of the few in the inner city that actually had a window to the outside world and she wondered if anyone else even realized the entire outer city was covered in crows. She had forced herself not to think about Seth after seeing him in Rivana. She didn’t want to remember how he had looked when Finn had taken him back to the Darklands, but the crows outside her window had forced the memory back to the surface.
She doubted if anyone else in Delvay would realize what it meant, but she couldn’t help but be reminded of an old story from Glis every time she looked at the birds. If she was right the next part of the story would be the appearance of a spirit, and then the disappearance of her people would follow. Silently she prayed she wasn’t right and she wasn’t witnessing the first part of The Crow King’s Wife being displayed outside her window
“I’ll take that glazed look as a no.” Neph said dryly and shook his head at her in mild reproach. “I asked you if Grim has woken yet. It’s been three days and I haven’t heard any mention of him being on his feet. Was the damage he suffered permanent?”
Zoelyn shook her head slowly and sank into a chair by the wall. “Jala healed him before she left, but I asked her to make sure he rested a few days more. I need time to sort things out before he wakes. I don’t know what to tell him about Shade.” She felt bile rise in her throat as she spoke and turned her gaze back out the window before Neph could see the expression of grief on her face. After everything Shade had said in the Great Hall no one in the city would understand why she was grieving over his absence.
“Tell him that Shade is a backstabbing little wretch and be done with it. You can’t keep Grim like an invalid to spare him the truth of the matter. I know he considered Shade a friend. We all did and Shade spit our faces with his actions.” Neph snapped with obvious irritation.
“Maybe I should let you explain it.” Zoelyn mumbled, though she had no intention of letting Neph be the first to speak with Grim when he awoke. If Neph explained what was going on it would end in blood and she knew it.
“Perhaps I will, but it’s something I will worry about later. I came here to fetch you for other reasons. There are a few things I need to explain to you, but it will be easier if I just show them to you instead.”