Sisters by Choice (Blackberry Island #4)(99)

He walked over to the display unit and studied it. “This will go quickly. I can get this and the counter done today. Call your flooring guy and get on the schedule. While we’re waiting on that, I can prime the walls.”

“You’re really going to help me?”

“I am.”

They stared at each other. Was this a peace offering? A guy way of saying he was sorry? She didn’t want to assume the worst, but she couldn’t seem to trust him. Only this was Jaxsen—the man she loved. They shared a life...at least they had.

“Do you miss me at all?” he asked, his voice quiet.

“What? Of course I do. I didn’t ask you to leave and I sure didn’t want you to go. You were just gone. You’re my husband and I love you. I want us to work, but it can’t just be on your terms. I’ve tried to explain that so many times. I can’t figure out if you genuinely don’t understand or you just don’t want to understand. Maybe it doesn’t matter. In the end, I still need something more in my life.”

When he didn’t say anything, she sighed. “Jaxsen, please. All I want is something I did myself. Something I can be proud of, the way you’re proud of the work you do. I love you and need you but I also need more than being a wife and a mother. I need to be myself.”

He half turned away, then spun back. “I can’t live my life scared you’re going to walk out on me.”

She wasn’t sure which shocked her more—the words themselves or the way he shouted them into the quiet afternoon.

“What are you talking about? Why would I leave you? Jaxsen, you’re not making any sense.”

“Oh, come on, Kristine. We both know you were keeping your grandmother’s money tucked away so you could run.”

He meant it. She saw it in his eyes and the set of his shoulders. The way his breathing was uneven. He actually thought she was going to go away, abandoning him and the boys.

She wanted to laugh and tell him he was a fool. She wanted to scream that he had no right to think that of her—that she’d never done one thing to make anyone think she would ever leave her marriage. Only a tiny voice in her head whispered not to do any of that. Jaxsen wasn’t kidding—for reasons she couldn’t understand, he thought she was capable of running away.

“I don’t understand,” she said, careful to keep her voice soft and nonthreatening. “What have I done to make you think that?”

“You kept the money for yourself. You wouldn’t talk about why. What was I supposed to think?” He looked toward the front of the store. “Was it him? Is he the reason you’re doing all this? Are you leaving me for him?”

“Jaxsen, I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, trying to start a business that allows me to do something I’ve wanted to do for a long time while still being married to you. Is this why you were always trying to spend the money?”

He glanced away.

She sighed. “I kept the money separate because I’ve had this idea in my head for a while. My grandmother always encouraged me to be my best and I knew she would want to be a part of a business I started. In a way, her money let me do that. Plus, I did think of the money as mine. I don’t really have anything of my own, Jaxsen. Not anymore.”

He flushed. “I’m sorry about what I said before. About the money. I shouldn’t have...” He shook his head. “I don’t think that.”

“I want to believe you.” She started to move toward him, then stopped herself. There were still things they had to talk about. The conversation couldn’t be avoided because it was unpleasant.

“I hope you know I could have left at any time,” she told him. “If I was unhappy, all I had to do was walk out. I didn’t need the money from my grandmother. I stayed because I wanted to stay. I love you, Jaxsen. I love our kids and our life. Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you tell me what you were thinking?”

“Because it was easier to have you believe I’m a selfish bastard than have you know how frightened I was to lose you. I figured if you were going, you should go so I wasn’t always waiting.”

She was so confused. “But I never said there was a problem. I can’t believe you thought I would leave without talking to you first. That I wouldn’t try to fix things or ask that we go into counseling or something.”

He stiffened. “Why wouldn’t I think that? I left.”

She’d been doing okay until he said that. She’d managed to stay in her head and not react. She’d wanted to listen and learn and deal with her emotions later. But hearing that was too much.

Tears filled her eyes and a sharp pain cut through her heart. “You left me? You left us? Is that what you’re saying? We’re separated? You didn’t even tell me?”

“What did you think was happening?”

“I thought you were mad and staying with your parents. I thought you were waiting me out, sulking. You’ve done it before and it was just how you handled things. You never said anything about leaving.” She took a step back and tried to catch her breath. “Are we over? Is that what you’re saying? Is our marriage over?”

Tears flowed faster and quickly grew into sobs. She tried to stay in control, but she couldn’t. Jaxsen reached for her. She turned away, not wanting him to touch her.