Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(91)

Jax grabs a new beer from the table, pushes past Bryn, who steps to one side in surprise, and storms out of the room.

“Are you?” asks Bryn. “Is she?”

The yellow-stained ceiling spins in a change of reality. If the words are spoken to someone outside of Jem and me, somehow the reality is clearer.

“It’s okay,” I murmur to Jem.

“Yeah. Ruby’s pregnant.”

I focus on the ceiling so I don’t have to see Bryn and Dylan’s expressions. “Umm. Congratulations? You’re happy about this, I guess?” asks Bryn cautiously.

I twist my head against the cushioned sofa. I need to see Jem’s reaction around his friends. Whatever he tells me about how happy he is this will speak more.

Jem’s grinning. “The best f-ucking thing.”

I look to Bryn whose shared smile doesn’t match Dylan’s stunned expression. Please let Dylan say something positive.

“Aww! A baby Phoenix. The world is gonna love this! Especially as it’s you,” says Bryn.

“Why?” asks Jem

“HELLO! magazine: ‘At home with Jem Jones, ex-bad boy and now doting father.’” He gestures in the air, creating the headlines with his hands. “‘Jem and Ruby at home in the nursery’.” He snorts. “Man, this is hilarious!”

Jem’s hand closes on my knee. “Why?” he repeats. “Can’t you just be f-ucking happy for us?”

“I am! Jesus, man, this is the best bloody thing that could happen to you.” Bryn looks at me. “Apart from the lovely Ruby, of course.”

I told myself everyone else’s approval didn’t matter, but Bryn’s counts. I don’t know why, maybe because whatever Jem says about Dylan being the guy he’s closest to, Bryn understands Jem. Bryn was there for him at the dark times when Dylan couldn’t manage because his own demons were eating away at him.

“I need to talk to Jax,” I say and stand.

“The baby. When?” asks Dylan, breaking his silence.

“July,” I say. “Jem, I need to talk to Jax.”

“Tell him to piss off if he says anything that upsets you.”

I arch an eyebrow. “Do you think you need to tell me that?”

“Good point.” He rubs my leg and looks up at me. “Are you okay?”

“Not the reaction I was expecting.” I smile weakly.

Before I can leave the room, Bryn seizes me in one of his signature bear hugs and when I make an ‘oof’ sound, Jem springs to his feet. “Careful, man!”

“I’m not that delicate!” I snap at Jem.

Bryn releases me and laughs at us. “f-uck, this is going to be funny. You two are hilarious!”

“And these hormones suck because my eyes are starting to water,” I mumble and head out of the room.

Jem can deal with his fallout. I need to deal with mine.

I find Jax sitting in the plastic seated stalls of the stadium, beer in hand, as he watches the roadies packing up. The large venue is clear, cleaners wandering the rows of seats; and the crash of the equipment being moved echoes across the empty space of the stadium. I sit next to him silently for a few minutes.

“All this.” He waves his bottle. “This is what we wanted. I thought you wanted it too.”

“I did…do.”

“Then why get pregnant?” He turns his ice blue eyes to mine, I expect anger; but worse, it’s pity. “Why ruin what you have?”

“I’m having a baby, not dumping the band.”

“Oh, right, so you can do both?” he snorts.

“What the f-uck? Are you in Victorian times? Is my life over if I have a baby? News flash: people have kids all the time and go back to work.”

“Seriously? You think you can do both?”

“Now you’re pissing me off. People do harder jobs than this and go back to work! This won’t interfere with the tour. I’m not having it… the baby until later in the year.”

He pouts and swigs his beer.

“That’s not the issue is it?”

Jax pushes his blonde fringe from his eyes but doesn’t look at me. “You jumped from a controlling relationship into this. You never got a chance to find who you are, and now you’re tied to him.”

I swallow down the fact he’s voicing a concern that follows me but there’s a bigger truth. “Have you ever thought that I found who I am in Jem?”

“Sure. The man who says he doesn’t give a shit about anyone else and you got pregnant by him. Smart move…”

“What’s this about, Jaxon? Me or the band?”

“Both. When he f*cked you over a few months back, you were a mess. Worse than you ever were with Dan.”

“With Dan, I was numb; with Jem, I’m alive. We’ve worked through shit.”

Jax shakes his head slowly, staring at the floor. “You deserve more from your life, Ruby. You’re young.”

“Why are you so against Jem? Is this because of me and you?”

Jax’s gaze remains on the floor as he picks at the label on his bottle. “Probably. Sometimes I think if it wasn’t for him…yeah, anyway.”

I link my arm through his. “Come on, Jax. We’d never have worked. I never really felt anything with you; you know that. Besides, your endless stream of chicks seems to keep you happy.”