Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(87)

“Stop talking riddles.”

I push on. “I was scared to admit what was happening; terrified of the emptiness I’d be left with if I gave you too much and if you took everything away.”

Ruby makes a derisive sound. “So you told me to leave? How am I supposed to believe what you’re saying, Jem?”

“I threw us away because the reality scared the hell out of me.”

She turns her reddened eyes to me. “No, you threw us away because you can’t love.”

Shit. I rub my temples. Why the hell am I putting myself through this?

“So you’ve come here to tell me what?” she continues when I don’t respond. “That you care and want to try again? I don’t have anything for you, Jem, not right now because you left me empty too.”

“What do I have to say to make you understand what you mean to me?”

“Just tell the truth.”

I snatch the glimmer of forgiveness and move closer; there’s a chance she’ll let me in? Hesitantly, I touch her damp hair. “I’m lost without you. Hell, I’ve spent most of my life lost, but this time it’s worse. All the colour in my life has gone because you’re not there.” I pause and whisper. “Every song I hear makes me think of you.”

She gives a small smile to my admission. “What? Even the boy bands?”

“Even the f-ucking boy bands. Do you know how embarrassing that is for rock god, Jem Jones?”

Ruby’s smile grows and she shakes her head at me. “So you’re saying you miss me?”

“I f-ucking ache for you. When you left, you took the part of me who could be a decent person, and the only way I can get him back is be with you.”

“You kicked me out! I didn’t leave!”

I rub my temples. “Yeah, I know. Shit, I’m no good at this, Ruby. I don’t know what else to say to you because this obviously isn’t working.”

She crosses her arms. “I’m not helping you out this time.”

My heart hammers against my chest, skipping out of its normal rhythm for a split second, the way the drugs used to cause. I take another shaky breath and push against Ruby’s barrier some more. “I belong with you.”

The tears remain in Ruby’s eyes, the crossed arms indicate I’m no closer to being let back in. “Ruby, there’s so many things I can’t put into words; I should just leave.”

When Ruby’s expression changes to alarm, I know leaving would be the end. The real end. I swear my perspiration matches hers right now. Why is this so f-ucking hard?

Ruby touches my face, the surprise like an electric shock across my skin. “You could save yourself the explanations if you just used one word, Jem,” she says softly and runs her thumb along my lip.

She knows. I know. We’ve both known for months. The girl in front of me who blew my mind the first night I saw her, who stepped across the broken glass and dragged the hidden Jem into her light deserves to hear the truth from him. “I love you, Ruby Tuesday.”

Ruby’s expression changes, but I can’t read it and she doesn’t speak. Shock? More tears… Shit, she doesn’t feel the same.

“That was easier, wasn’t it?” she whispers eventually, cupping my cheek in her hand.

“No, so you’d better f-ucking kiss me. I need mouth to mouth after that; it almost killed me.”

Ruby laughs, the sound letting in light over my shadows. She winds her arms around my neck and plants a sudden, surprise kiss on my mouth. “How could I refuse such an eloquent request?”

Then Ruby really kisses me. She actually f-ucking kisses me with the mouth I was terrified would never touch mine again, the warmth and taste flooding a new energy into my life. Ruby wants me and is prepared to forgive my shitty, * behaviour. In this embrace is the pull back to our place, the one we escaped together, the new path we started on and I sabotaged.

Ruby stops and grips the hands that are wrapped around her slim frame; but I won’t let her go, her long legs wrapped between mine, my face buried in her neck.

“Look at me, Jem. I love you, too, and it frightens me. Look at what happened, at what you can do to me when you’re hurting. I can’t cope with that unpredictability.”

My heart stutters for a second time, is she saying no? “I will always tell you everything. There isn’t anything I want to hide from you ever again. You’re in here now.” I place her hand on my heart. “You always were, just this stupid f*cker had to catch up.” I touch my head. “Can we try again?”

Ruby’s smile cracks through the concern. “Can you accept you’re worth loving?”

“If I’m worth you reaching out that night I fell apart, I must be worth something. Come home with me. I promise that from now on it’s me and you; we’re the only people who matter.”

Ruby’s smile leaves and she pushes both hands into her hair. “I’m worried about something that’ll f-uck this up before we’ve even tried again,” she says hoarsely.

I frown. “Like what? Nothing you could say would change my mind.” Unless. Jax? “Or is there someone else?”

“No, no. Not that” Ruby continues to shake her head and pushes my hands away. She sits on the sofa again. “I don’t want you to think… If this is a big deal to you, I’ll sort it.”