Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(75)

“Calmed down?” I say with a short laugh.

“Yeah. What the f-uck was that about? Do you really think I’m going to hook up with another chick when you’re nearby?”

I grip the glass. “When I’m nearby? Oh, so when I’m not nearby, you do?”

“Don’t twist my words, Ruby! Seriously, you think I f*cked her?”

“Yes.”

Jem’s brow tugs down and so does his mouth. “Is that what you think of me? Three months and I’ve not been near anyone else. I don’t want to.”

“Right. She lent you her perfume, did she?”

Jem opens his mouth to respond then changes his mind, blowing air into his cheeks instead. I expect anger but he looks tired, like he can’t be bothered.

“You know what? I’m not going to have this discussion with you. If you’re going to behave like a jealous teen the first time someone hits on me, then this won’t work.”

I step back. “What?”

“I’m Jem Jones, it happens. If you can’t deal with it, then that’s your problem.”

If I had anything in my mouth, I’d choke at his arrogance. Ensconced in our life of every day work and home life, away from his public persona, I’d shaped him in my mind as my Jem. Does he exist?

“What’s going on with you?” I ask. “You’ve been odd for the last week. Have you had enough of us?”

“I’m stressed and you’re not helping. This isn’t helping.”

“Stressed about what?”

“Nothing. I’ll deal with it.”

“Why not talk to me about it?”

“I don’t want to.” He grabs his t-shirt. “Just because we’re in a relationship doesn’t mean I have to tell you everything.”

His words are a blow to the chest. Why is the Jem who hides back again?

“So you didn’t screw Kristie?”

“No! So stop behaving like a high school kid and trust me.”

“If you can’t confide in me, we’re not as close as I thought!” I shout.

“You’re as close as I want you.” He stands. “I’m going to order breakfast. Do you want anything?”

Conversation over as far as he’s concerned, he pulls the hotel menu from the low table nearby. That’s it? He thinks this is dealt with?

“I’m not hungry,” I retort and head to the shower.



****



We cross paths as I come out of the bathroom and he goes in, not speaking. I’m genuinely not hungry; the rough edges of our relationship apparent all of a sudden. Why can’t he trust me enough to confide what’s bothering him?

The last few weeks he’s been cagey, not only the phone calls; but Jem’s hiding something and now he’s admitted he is. I pushed down my insecurities, but the way he looks at me has changed. The guard is back up in his eyes. Are we getting too close? Is that what’s bothering him?

Is Kristie who the whispered phone calls have been to? I don’t want to be one of ‘those girls,’ especially considering the way Dan stalked my life, but my urge is too strong. When the water starts trickling in the shower, I grab Jem’s phone. He doesn’t lock the screen, which is a pretty stupid move because if he lost his mobile his life would be accessible to anyone.

He doesn’t have a lot of people he messages. Bryn, Dylan, Steve, Liam, and occasionally Tina, the PR girl.

And Marie. Not Kristie.

A desperate need to know the truth overriding my guilt, I scroll through the messages. They’re similar in tone.

<Are you coming to see me when you get back?> is her last one and Jem hasn’t replied.

I look through the others.

<I need to see you> is another from Marie.

Jem’s are typical Jem. Two or three words indicating he’ll call when he can. Nothing intimating his feelings. One in particular kicks me in the stomach.

<I’ll try to visit but it’s complicated>



****



Jem



The steaming water runs over my skin, washing away the aching of a night sleeping on a too short sofa, and I want to stand under here forever. Life gets better, and then it gets hard again. People are so f-ucking complicated, Ruby has everything I can give her. Why isn’t she happy with that? I’m okay with what she gives me.

Accusing me of sex with someone else. Not trusting me. And she wonders why I don’t share what else is going on. Why the hell would I want to f-uck Kristie? Yeah, Kristie came on to me, couldn’t understand why I’d be faithful to Ruby, but I didn’t do anything, for f-uck’s sake. After a few minutes of Kristie pressing herself against me while I explained I didn’t want her, she got the message, shoved me to one side, and walked away.

Have I backed off from Ruby recently? Yeah, probably a little; but that’s because my head is f*cked again, and I’m trying to contain everything. If this pours out, and Ruby can’t cope with the f*cked up Jem Jones returning, things will get worse, so I keep him contained. If I let Ruby in and she rejects me when I need her most, my life will go full circle. Best solution? Don’t need her. Don’t need anyone. I haven’t spoken to Bryn or Dylan about this, and I’m running out of excuses not to go and see Marie.