Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(28)

Ruby Riot grips the crowd by the throat and drags them into a place that nobody in the room can escape from. This is the kind of performance people will talk about in years to come because this band is killing it.

I leave before the encore and head to the Green Room; Bryn’s already back there nursing a beer.

“You okay?” He swaps the beer for water as I walk in, and sets the bottle out of sight by the brown sofa. “You look pretty pissed off for someone whose pet project just raised the roof.”

“You can drink around me, Bryn.”

“Doesn’t feel supportive when I do.” He throws me a bottle of water and I catch it. “So, what’s up?”

I flop next to him. “Missing the guys. Watching the band tonight reminded me of the other high - the legal one that was good for me. That’s the thing I crave.”

“I get that. A few months and we’re back on tour, yeah? This isn’t over, Blue Phoenix aren’t done.”

But we’re not Ruby Riot. We don’t have the thrill of striving to make it; the high of the electric connection to the crowd you can only get in small venues. Blue Phoenix will still be a machine.

“Yeah, I guess.” I prop my feet on the plastic chair opposite.

“Ever thought of getting them into the studio?”

“Yeah, I’m arranging that.”

“Cool. You could offer to session for them.”

“No. They need to establish their own sound. I don’t want to be part of them; they make it on their own terms not because Jem Jones played on their debut.”

Bryn sits forward and peers at me from under his fringe. “You’re edgy again, man. Is Ruby Riot really doing you any good? If this starts to stress you, back off. You know what your counsellor said…”

“Okay, Auntie Bryn, I know. I’ve been here three times, yeah? This time I’m done for good, no more drugs. I know my triggers and music isn’t one of them.”

The door opens and Ruby walks in, perspiration gleaming on her body, face glowing with heat and happiness. She runs a hand through her damp hair and turns a smile on me, which blows my mind, a smile where her eyes are alive and focused. A smile for me. Ruby’s back in the world and that world is a brighter place because of it. When I don’t return her smile, she approaches me. Ruby doesn’t get far because Jax appears behind and wraps his arms around her waist, spinning Ruby around and off the floor.

Ruby laughs at him, the sound as powerful to me as her singing. Ruby from a week ago would’ve slapped Jax; this one joins in. He hugs her tight and kisses the top of her head and my stomach drops.

What the hell?

Bryn kicks me and I look around sharply. “You’ve got a trigger right there, Jem.”

Will and Nate appear, straight to the fridge for beers. A whirlwind of activity swirls around my dazed head as they pour drinks and talk excitedly, Will constantly trying to pull me into the conversation, desperate for reassurance I still think Ruby Riot is awesome. I join in as much as someone drinking water in a room full of alcohol-fuelled people can. Ruby and Jax continue to talk, squashed together on the sofa. Where her leg meets his and their heads touch are images imprinting themselves on my brain.

I shouldn’t feel like this. Jax is doing me a favour. He’s saving me from myself by stopping me trying to save Ruby.





Chapter Fifteen



Jem



Satisfied that Dan isn’t going to make an appearance and unable to sit in a room full of temptation, I leave. Perceptive as ever, Bryn follows and suggests coming home with me but I inform him I want to be alone. Things descend into an argument over how I think he constantly assumes I’m about to go home and start using, as if I have a secret stash somewhere. Bryn puts up with a lot of my shit and is a solid friend, but he needs to back off.

Still wired from the evening, I pace around the house attempting to deny I’m jealous of Ruby and Jax for more than their musical relationship. The jittery energy stops me sitting still for long or able to focus on playing. I run through my scrawled list of distraction techniques and lying on my bed staring at the ceiling conjuring images of Ruby’s mouth on Jax’s don’t help.

Ruby isn’t home. I guess she went back to the guys’ house. Pouty Jem wonders why the hell she didn’t just move in with them anyway. I’m sure Jax would’ve shared a bed with her.

f-uck, Jem, get a grip.

Exercise is my other release. I’ve learnt I can run off stress and get a kick of endorphins this way, with the added bonus that it keeps me in shape. However, two a.m. sessions on the treadmill indicate when things are slipping. Tomorrow I’ll talk to someone.

The gym is in the basement and when I emerge calmer and ready for a shower, a light is on in the kitchen. Poking my head around the door, I see Ruby grappling with the coffee machine. Her lack of co-ordination amuses me, like one of those fake drunks you see on TV. Coffee beans cover the bench next to her and Ruby swears as she fails to attach the porta filter for the third time.

“Want some help?” I ask.

Ruby jumps then turns to me. “I wanted coffee. Your machine’s broken.”

I laugh at her. “Sure it is.”

I take the beans from Ruby and the smell of booze assaults me. As I put the machine together and switch it on, I’m aware of her scrutiny.