Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(16)

“Music is the only thing that keeps me going day to day,” I tell him. This is one thing Jem will understand. This is why he’s here. Music is his life, saved him at his darkest times too.

“It shouldn’t be the only thing in life you live for, just a big part of it. You need more than music to keep you happy or you’ll burn out.”

He’s further into my personal space than anyone gets apart from Dan and occasionally Jax and I feel it. The energy from Jem reaches between us, surrounding us. I shuffle away. “Very philosophical.”

“You think I’m philosophical?” He snorts. “It’s true, believe me.” He moves closer again. “I’m not interfering in your personal life, that’s your call. But if Dan has to follow you to weekend gigs, what’s he going to do if we go on tour?”

“On tour?” I straighten.

Jem takes a drag from his cigarette and pauses before exhaling the smoke. “Not a done deal unless the whole band agrees, but something I’m willing to help with.”

“Why?”

“Because I can remember being you,” Jem says quietly. “I remember being consumed by the music, by the belief Blue Phoenix were f-ucking good. All I wanted was a chance to prove that to the world but nobody would help. I want to help you guys do that.”

“Why though? Why us?”

“I just said, you remind me of Phoenix.” He throws his half-smoked cigarette to the ground. “You also know what’s happened in my life recently. I need a distraction. A project. Music is what allows me to cope; and if I can’t do that with Phoenix, I’ll do it through another band. Preferably yours.”

The mystery surrounding Jem Jones intrigues me. I’ve watched his rise and fall over and over, read stories about how these guys treated women in the past. Objects, playthings. Will Ruby Riot be his plaything? Is Dan right? Is part of his agenda screwing me? Is that why he’s closing in on me physically right now?

“Yeah, we can talk about this. I can’t believe you have such faith in us though…”

Jem shrugs. “I know something good when I hear it.”

“Thanks.” I smile.

The curious look Jem gives me sends my alert system haywire. I spend a good deal of time not meeting his eyes, because when I do, I feel exposed. Jem sees into a place nobody does, through Ruby and to the edge of Tuesday. He rubs a finger along his lips and pulls something from his back pocket.

“I want you to have this.” He holds out a small card in his long fingers.

“What is it?”

“Blue Phoenix’s publicity company. I want you to chat with them.”

“What about?”

Jem shrugs. “Dunno. PR shit. I can only do so much. I’ve spoken to them about you guys. Arrange a meeting.”

“Okay…” I hesitantly take the card, and as I do Jem’s fingers linger against mine. The gesture is innocent enough, but to me loaded with the weight of realisation he’s never touched me before, not even accidentally. If he had, there’s no way I’d have forgotten the shock of his calloused fingertips against my skin or the effect on my heart rate. I curl my fingers around the card and drop my hand.

“Get rid of him,” Jem says in a low voice. “Don’t let him destroy Ruby; she’s actually a nice girl when you get to speak to her.”

My normal response would be a retort at him to back the f-uck off; but I’m aware I’m reaching a point where I need to make my choice, between being who I am, or who somebody else wants me to be. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to choose.

Without another word, Jem ducks back into the building and I wait a minute before following. The Jax situation was bad enough; arriving back with Jem wouldn’t be wise. I flip the business card in my hands as I head back to where we’re setting up for tonight and catch sight of something written on the back. In black scrawl is a Notting Hill address. I stop and stare at the words.

Jem gave me his address.

Shoving the card in the back pocket of my jeans, I keep walking. Another man interfering in my life isn’t what I need.





Chapter Seven



Ruby



The days slide through my fingers as I try to catch time and slow it down. I’m not ready to face Dan yet. Ruby Riot is rehearsing several nights a week now, up from the one Sunday afternoon session. Dan only knows about Sundays, the day he comes with me. He works some evenings and I match the extra rehearsals to those; that way Dan doesn’t know I’m going and we don’t argue about it. Jax is pissed off with me at rehearsals because the anxiety over whether Dan will find out is affecting my performance.

What can I do? Dan said no more gigs after dickhead Jax decided to touch me in front of him, so what choice do I have? I have to take the risk and do this behind Dan’s back even though I’m terrified he’ll find out. He won’t. Dan’s work timetable is rigid and he spends more time there than at home anyway. Jem will give up on us if we don’t maintain extra commitment; I’m sure. Then the band would hate me. And if I lost Ruby Riot, I’ve lost everything.

Our rehearsal space is a room above a pub in Box Hill, a popular place for small student bands; it’s where I met the Ruby Riot boys a little over a year ago. The band was the three of them back then, and Jax was lead singer. After the gig, he hit on one of my friends and invited her back to the guys’ house. Because we didn’t know them and I wanted to make sure Cathy would be okay, I went too.