Rising (Blue Phoenix, #4)(15)

I attempt to control my own breathing, fighting to keep the oxygen disappearing from my lungs. “Jax messing around.”

“You can’t let other people touch you.”

“I know. He knows. I think he forgot.”

“You see now why I have to watch you? See why I don’t believe you?”

The pressure on my skin increases; I’ll have new bruises on my upper arm later. “It’s true, Dan. There’s nobody else. I don’t need anyone else.”

Dan glances around then moves closer. “You’re an ungrateful bitch. I take care of you, put a roof over your head, and what do I ask for in return? Nothing. Have you forgotten that without me you’re nothing?”

“Sorry,” I curl my fingers around his. “I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

“Do you forget where you came from?” he asks, voice low and grip firm. “Where do you think you’d be now if I hadn’t helped?”

“I don’t know. Somewhere bad.” But not as bad as this.

“I don’t know why I bothered with someone as worthless as you; sometimes I wish I hadn’t. If your brother had warned me what you were like, I’d never have helped out.”

And if Quinn had known what you were like, he’d never have asked.

“Dan… I’m sorry. Please. Don’t be angry.” I touch his smoothly shaven face, looking directly into his glittering eyes. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“You better bloody had!” He drops his grip and pushes me. “This is the last night for you and these guys until I can trust you. No more gigs.”

I open my mouth to protest but the dark mask is on his face, the other Dan who can hurt me. Be nice. Get away. “Can I go for a smoke?”

Dan crosses his arms. “I’ll come looking for you in five minutes if you’re not back. I need a word with that * who had his hands on you.”

“Okay. Thanks.” I sidestep Dan and, swallowing down my panic, I head to the back door before he changes his mind, hoping he doesn’t have a showdown with Jax.

Outside, the full moon is partly obscured by the clouds, low and bright. Stars fight their way through the clouds and I gaze up at them as I light my cigarette with shaking fingers.

“Hey, Ruby Tuesday!”

I pout at my big brother calling me this and he ruffles my hair. “How’s my little sis?”

Say nothing. “Okay. How’s uni?”

“Good. Sorry I haven’t been home for a while, everything going okay? School okay?”

“School sucks. Same old.”

Quinn’s brow puckers. “Sorry, I wish I was around more.”

“S’okay, enjoying your new student life?”

“Yeah, but I worry about you. Are you okay?”

Big brother sixth sense? No, I’m not. I never am when you’re not here.

Things are only calm when Quinn’s in the house. He’s bigger than my uncle and would hurt him, hopefully, as much as my uncle hurts me. Now Quinn’s gone.

“I’m okay.”

Say nothing. I inhale the smoke and hold it in my lungs, closing my eyes as I calm myself. Lost in thoughts of Quinn, and how unfair it is he’s not here anymore, I’m unaware of someone else close by until I open them. Jem rests against the wall opposite, the orange glow of a lit cigarette in his hand as he regards me. Did he see what happened with Dan again?

“Shit! You scared me.” Is that really, why my heart rate has picked up again? Alone with Jem in the dark; close to the man who’s creeping into my dreams and my stupid body reacts, the tension of my encounter with Dan replaced by desire for Jem’s attention. Stupid body, stupid girl. Screwing Jem would be a mistake for a million different reasons, and I’m beginning to get the impression that’s what he wants. Yet at the same time, I’m unsure. The way he usually looks at me isn’t desire, if anything he’s attempting to avoid looking at me much of the time. There’s something going on between us but I can’t figure out what.

“You’re on in ten,” he says.

“Yeah, doesn’t take me that long to smoke.” I throw my half-finished cigarette to the ground and step on it, preparing to leave. “Done now. See?”

“How much do you want this, Ruby?” he asks in a low voice. “The band, the music. Success, if I have anything to do with it.”

I hesitate. “A lot.”

He makes a soft sound in his throat. “That’s not enough. You have to need it. Music has to be a part of you, something essential every day to survive. Something you’d give everything for.” He pauses. “Change everything for.”

“It is. I do.”

“But will you walk away from what you need to?”

Jem did this before, attempted to talk to me about my screwed up situation but there’s no point. How would Jem Jones understand how complicated my life is? Like most people, he’ll think I should walk away from the situation with Dan and look down on me because I don’t.

I fold my bare arms across my chest, skin goose bumping in the evening breeze. “Did you walk away?”

Jem steps from the shadows, closer to me than he’s been since we had a similar conversation in Cardiff. “I’m not talking about me. I’m asking you.”