Regretting You(103)

As soon as I see the first tear roll down his cheek, I start to cry.

Clara looks at Jonah, then looks at me, then back at Jonah. “Great. I thought I was done with the tears.”

Now she’s crying.

I watch Clara, and even though she’s crying, she’s playing with Elijah with a smile on her face. Then she does something unexpected. She sighs and leans her head on Jonah’s shoulder.

It may not seem like much to her, but it means the world to me. The gesture is more than any words could ever be worth.

It’s her telling him she’s sorry. Sorry for what Chris did to him. Sorry for thinking it was our fault.

That one little move makes me cry even harder. I think it makes Jonah cry harder, too, because as soon as she pulls her head from his shoulder, he’s looking the other way, trying to hide it.

Elijah is the only one who isn’t crying out of the four of us.

“Wow,” Jonah says, blowing out a breath. He uses his shirt to wipe at his eyes. “We’re such a mess.”

“The messiest,” Clara says.

We all sit on the floor like that for a while, playing with Elijah. Laughing at the faces he makes. Laughing when he laughs. Trying to get him to say Dada again, but he doesn’t.

“What are you going to tell Elijah about all of this?” Clara asks.

“The truth,” Jonah says.

Clara nods. “Good. The truth is always the best choice.” She kisses Elijah on the cheek. “I’ve always wanted a little brother. Maybe in a more conventional way, but this will do.”

I like that she’s mature enough to separate the reason for Elijah’s existence from her love for him. Resentment is a heavy load to carry through life.

I’ve been full of pride these last twenty-four hours. Watching her handle all of this with such grace and maturity makes me so proud of her.

Elijah yawns, so Jonah begins packing up his stuff to leave. I help him, but when we’re both standing at the door, prepared to say good night, it’s awkward. I want to walk him out, but I don’t know what Clara would think of that.

I can tell Jonah wants to kiss me, but he wouldn’t do it in front of Clara.

“Good night,” he whispers. He winces, like it hurts him to walk away from me without a kiss, since he’s had to do that so many times before.

“Oh, come on, you guys,” Clara says, sensing the awkwardness. “It’s weird, but whatever, I’ll get used to it.”

Relief spreads across both our faces, so I walk Jonah out after we have Clara’s permission.

After Jonah has Elijah in the car, he closes the door, wraps his arm around my waist, and spins me so that my back is against his car door. He kisses me on the cheek.

I feel nothing but relief as he holds me. The last few days could have gone wrong in so many more ways, but they didn’t. Maybe that’s thanks to Clara. Or Jonah. Or all of us. I don’t know.

“She’s amazing,” he says.

“Yeah, she is. I forget how hard it is being a teenager. Especially one in her position. I feel like I continue to diminish the hormones and emotions that come along with being that age.”

“You’ve been incredibly patient with her through all of this.”

His compliment makes me laugh. “You think? Because I feel like I lost my mind a few times.”

“I can only hope to be half the parent you are, Morgan.”

“You’re raising a child that isn’t biologically yours. That already makes you twice the parent I am.”

Jonah pulls back, smiling down on me. “I like it when you compliment my parenting. It’s kinda hot.”

“Same. Watching you be a good dad is the thing I find most attractive about you.”

“We’re so weird,” he says.

“I know.”

Jonah threads his fingers through mine and wraps our hands behind my back, pressing them against his car. He kisses my cheek. “Can I ask you a question?” He feathers his lips across my cheek until they come to rest against my mouth. I nod. He pulls back, but just far enough that we’re able to look at each other. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

I stare at him for two seconds before laughter erupts from my chest. “Do guys still do that? Ask people to be their girlfriends?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. But I’ve been wishing I could ask you that for a hell of a long time now, so it’d be nice if you would just humor me with a yes.”

I lean forward, brushing my lips against his. “Hell, yes.”

He releases my hands, bringing his up to cup my face. “I want to kiss you, but I’m not gonna use tongue because then I won’t be able to stop kissing you. I don’t want Clara thinking we’re out here making out.”

“But we are.”

“Yeah, but it’s still weird for her, I’m sure.” He gives me a quick peck. “Go inside and act natural.”

I laugh, then wrap my hands around his head and pull him to my mouth. He groans when our tongues meet and pushes me harder against his car. We kiss for an entire minute. Then two.

When he finally pulls back, he shakes his head a little while running his eyes over my features. “It’s surreal,” he says. “I gave up on the thought of us so long ago.”

“And I never even allowed myself to think we were a possibility.”