Pieces of Us (Confessions of the Heart, #3)(32)

Broken.

I guessed I should have prepared myself for this, for his reaction to seeing Benjamin standing at the door.





Nine





Mack





Horror.

Gutting, ravaging horror.

It clutched every cell in my body, freezing me in that moment. I blinked, trying to break free, but those chains only cinched down tighter.

Was surprised I could even register it when Izzy scrambled around me. “Both of you . . . get back inside. Right now.”

“But mom,” the little one argued.

“Now, Dillon. Right now.” Her voice was desperate, flooded with panic as she tried to get her kids back inside.

While I stood there. Hands fisted in my hair. Freaking the fuck out. Trying not to puke right there on the ground.

Wanted to pry my eyes away, but there was nothing I could do but stare at the kid in the doorway. This kid who was way too skinny and had these crutches that looked like he used every day and had the exact fucking eye color as mine.

Same as it looked like his face could have been carved out of me.

Jesus.

Reality crashed. A tidal wave. Devastating.

I had a kid. I had a kid.

And Izzy hadn’t told me.

Izzy’s mother was suddenly there, clambering around to help. “I’m so sorry, Izzy Mae. I was getting the chicken from the pan onto the platter and they slipped out before I could stop them.”

“Just, get them inside,” she pled, and finally they were wrangled in, the door slamming shut, leaving just Izzy and me on the porch.

Rage came eating up the shock I’d initially felt.

Fury and hurt.

Fury and hurt.

They cut and slashed and filleted, knives slicing deep, pain screaming so loud I could barely hear. Could barely stand. Could barely breathe.

Problem was, I didn’t know who to aim the fury at.

Izzy stood with her back to me, her shoulders pumping up and down, the silence echoing between us with the force of a storm.

A storm that assuredly would decimate.

Bile rolled up my throat, and my chest was heaving, body starting to shake with a turbulence I stood no chance at keeping at bay. “Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” I growled.

She whirled on me, tears streaming down her face, but there was fury on her face, too. Written on every inch. “No, Maxon, it’s not a joke. Does my life look like a joke to you?”

I pressed my fists to my eyes, trying not to fucking break down right there and sob like a bitch. Was not a crying man. But considering I’d just been knocked with the reality that I had a kid and I’d missed out on twelve years of his life, I was thinking I’d earned a pass.

I dropped them just as fast. Just feeling . . . irate and pissed and fucking worried.

So confused that I couldn’t see, the world spinning around me, going faster and faster. I pointed at her house. “What’s wrong with him?” It was a haggard demand.

Izzy gasped and reared back, and those hazel eyes flashed with disgust. “You just saw your son for the first time, and the only thing you can think to ask is what is wrong with him?” Incredulity blazed from her, her pain as thick as mine.

It was mixing together, pouring out to become this boiling vat of animosity that roiled in the middle of us.

I scrubbed both hands over my face, so goddamned frustrated, so goddamned mad. Red flickered at the edges of my sight, that old hatred rising up fast.

Hatred at myself.

Hatred at my father.

Hatred of Izzy for keeping this from me.

“Well, excuse the hell out of me, Izzy, for not having the right words when I find out I have a kid that I didn’t know about.” I slammed the tips of my fingers into my chest over my heart. “That I have a kid who obviously is disabled, and I didn’t have a fucking chance to be there for him.”

Anguish came bursting out of her mouth, and her head swiveled from side-to-side in huge rolls of disbelief. “Are you seriously goin’ to stand there and act as if this was my fault?” She took a step toward me, her face pinching up. “Are you seriously going to stand there and make accusations?”

She took another, and the air was getting thinner, and the only thing I was breathing was Izzy Lane.

“You ruined me, Maxon. You broke my heart. You betrayed me.” The words were harsh. Livid. Bullets impaling me, one after another.

“And then when I needed you most . . .” Her chin quivered. Tears streamed free. “When I begged you to call me, you didn’t. Tell me, whose fault that is?”

Guilt screamed. Too much. Clotting in my chest. Expanding until I was suffocating. “Mine.”

Mine.

It was the only thing I could manage, and I could feel myself cracking. Coming unhinged. Before I lost it, I turned and fled.

“Don’t you dare run from this, Maxon Chambers.” Izzy’s voice pierced me from behind.

And I wondered if she’d expected anything else.





*



Elbows propped on the table, I had my face buried in my hands, thinking this was a bad fucking idea, too. But since I didn’t have any good ones, at least I could get tanked while doing it.

Second Mirena had seen me, she’d hauled my stumbling ass over to a secluded, darkened booth at the very back of Monty’s where I was hidden in the hazy shadows.