Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(85)

‘I can’t plan her,’ I murmured, staring at her phone again.

I woke suddenly, my eyes scanning the room. I was alone.

I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t leave me alone.

Needing to get my mother’s desperate voice out of my head, I pushed the blanket off me and went out on the deck. The sun was low, spreading golden-orange and red hues across the sky. Although I’d slept most of the afternoon, a tiredness clung to me as I walked along the beach, passing kids running in and out of the water and people sitting along the shore.

I found myself at the stairs along the hill and began climbing. I wasn’t sure what I was going to say to him. I just didn’t want to be alone, and I had nowhere else to go.

TJ came around the side of the house, carrying a surfboard over his head. He saw me as soon as I stepped onto the patio.

‘Emma!’ he hollered like he was excited to see me. ‘What are you doing? Come to visit us?’

‘Uh,’ I faltered, a little thrown by his enthusiasm. ‘Hey, TJ. Is Evan around?’

‘No,’ he replied, shaking his head like he was confused by my question. ‘He left.’

‘He left?’

‘Yeah, Nate drove him to the airport hours ago.’

‘He left,’ I repeated in a whisper. ‘Okay, thanks.’

Numb, I turned back towards the stairs and let my legs carry me away.

‘You can stay,’ TJ called after me. I raised my hand in form of a wave without looking back, disappearing down the stairs.

‘He left,’ I muttered again, still in shock. He’d decided to let me go.

The darkness crept up and wrapped around my heart. I let it seep in, crushing it until I couldn’t feel the thumping any more. I couldn’t feel anything. The whisper of Sara’s words echoed through the emptiness.

You can’t keep pushing everyone away … because one of these days, you’ll wake up and have no one.

I didn’t remember walking back to the house. I curled up under the blanket on the couch and closed my eyes.

The whispering words filtered through me, feeding on the guilt and sadness that pinned me down. Unable to fend them off, I waited for the void to rise and swallow me into the darkness.

‘That was an eventful day,’ my mother declared, handing her menu to the server who’d just taken our orders.

‘Thank you for letting me do this,’ I said to her, appreciating that she didn’t object to my decision, even though I hadn’t allowed her to be part of the process initially.

‘I understand your reluctance to include me,’ she responded, ‘but I told you that I wasn’t going to stand in your way, and I won’t. I believe you are doing what you think is best.’

Before I could continue the conversation, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I removed it, and my mother scowled at me. She forbade cell phones at the dinner table.

‘I know,’ I said before she could say anything, ‘but I really need to take this. I’m sorry.’

I pushed my chair away from the table, answering, ‘Hi,’ as I sought a more secluded location down the hall leading to the restrooms. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘I was hoping you could tell me that,’ Sara said from the other end. ‘Have you seen Emma today?’

I paused, her question not making any sense. ‘What? Aren’t you with her?’

Sara was silent this time. ‘Evan. Where are you?’

‘San Francisco. Where are you?’

‘At my grandfather’s funeral in New Hampshire.’

‘Oh, wow. Sara, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.’

‘Thank you,’ Sara said, dismissing my condolences quickly. ‘I haven’t been able to get a hold of Emma. I was starting to worry.’

‘I have her phone. Sorry. She left it at the house, and I forgot to give it to her. That’s why you can’t reach her. But she’s with Cole, right? You can call him to talk to her.’

‘I tried,’ she answered. ‘He’s not answering.’

‘Do you want me to have Nate check on her? She could use his phone to call you,’ I suggested.

‘It’s fine. I’m sure she’s okay. I just told her I’d call, and I haven’t spoken with her since I left yesterday.’

‘I’ll be back tomorrow. I’ll stop by when I arrive,’ I informed her. ‘I’m sorry about your grandfather, Sara.’

‘Thanks, Evan,’ she replied.

‘Talk to you later.’

As I was about hang up I heard, ‘Hey, Evan?’

‘Yeah?’

‘I know it’s really not my place to ask you, but … is everything okay between you and Emma? I mean … I know it’s not okay, but you’re not going to stop talking to her or anything, right?’

‘No,’ I answered, perplexed by the question. ‘Uh … why would you think that?’

Sara released a heavy breath. ‘Never mind.’

‘Wait, did she say something? Does she think I’m upset with her?’

She hesitated a moment. ‘Not really. I guess … I just have this weird feeling. I’m sure it’s me being overly protective as usual. I’ll be back on Thursday. I’ll see you then.’