Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(84)

I noticed Cole’s door was still closed when I entered the house. It was way past the time he usually got up, but considering how upset I’d made him last night, I decided to leave him alone and continued into Sara’s room.

‘I left my –’ I started to say as I entered the bedroom. Then I caught sight of Sara’s slumped shoulders and teary eyes. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘Um … my mother called,’ Sara began. I sat next to her, waiting for her to continue. ‘My grandfather died.’

‘Oh, Sara, I’m so sorry,’ I consoled, taking her hand. She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.

‘Thanks. He was old. We knew it was only a matter of time.’ She sighed. ‘There always seemed to be something wrong with him.’ After a moment of reflection she added, ‘God, he was a pain in the ass.’ Which caused us both to laugh. ‘But he was my grandfather, and I loved him.’

‘I know.’ I leaned my head against hers.

‘I have to leave,’ she murmured. ‘My mother’s sending a car to take me to LAX.’

I’d met her grandfather a couple of times over the years. He made me uncomfortable, with his cynicism and complaints about every part of his body failing in some way or another. I didn’t think he liked anyone – except Jared, ironically. Sara took a deep breath before releasing my hand and standing. Although there was a sense of acceptance with her loss, I wanted more than anything to make her feel better.

‘I’ll come with you,’ I told her, hoping to provide even half the comfort that she had while we were in Weslyn.

‘Oh no.’ She shook her head. ‘You have enough drama of your own. You don’t want to be around my crazy family, trust me. I’ll be back in a few days.’

I nodded meekly.

About a half hour later, she was packed. I was walking with her into the living room when a honk came from the driveway. ‘That’s the car,’ Sara told me. ‘I have to go.’ She hesitated a moment to examine me. ‘Go talk to him, Emma. Give him a chance to accept what you said, but then go talk to him.’

I gave a slight nod. She leaned in and hugged me. ‘I’ll be back soon. I’ll call you when I get there, okay?’

‘Sure,’ I said, barely audibly. I watched Sara roll her suitcase behind her and disappear.

Her rejection had stung. The pain zipped through my chest in a quick streak. I was too messed up to even comfort my best friend. She didn’t need me.

Eyeing Cole’s door, I sighed. I didn’t have the energy or will to try to explain what had happened last night. We both knew.

But something didn’t feel right. I walked to his room and knocked gently. Silence. Hesitantly, I opened the door. The bed was neatly made, and the room appeared … too clean. When I walked in further, I saw my things were hanging in the closet, with a few shoes and my tote bag on the floor, but his were missing. I peeked into the bathroom. Everything was cleared out, except for my toothbrush.

I was about to turn around and leave the room when the folded paper caught my eye, resting on the pillow where I slept. I stared at it for a moment, contemplating whether I truly wanted to know what it said, dread twisting in my stomach. I summoned the courage to pick it up and braced myself as I unfolded it.

I agreed to walk away before you hurt me. I won’t let you hurt me, Emma.

I lowered myself on the edge of the bed, feeling the impact of those two simple lines.

‘Cole, I’m so sorry,’ I murmured, accepting the unwritten truth. I had hurt him. But that’s what I did.

I sank onto the couch and pulled the blanket off the back to try to ward off the chill that had overtaken my body. But the iciness in the pit of my stomach couldn’t be thawed as I laid back and stared at nothing.

The sense of being lost seized me again. There was nowhere I belonged. My family didn’t want me. Evan couldn’t forgive me. Sara didn’t need me. The girls didn’t really know me. Jonathan was gone. And Cole had walked away, finally seeing me for who I was.

I felt so … tired. Letting the exhaustion pull at my lids, I closed my eyes and hoped the whispers would let me sleep.

I stared at the phone in my hand. The phone Emma had left on the bed, that I was supposed to return to her before I left for the airport. In the rush to make the flight, I had completely forgotten I had it. I plugged it into my charger and set it on the desk.

The door of the hotel room clicked open. I turned to find Jared with a bag in his hand.

‘Hey,’ I greeted him. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘Mom told me to come. She said she’d be here with you, and that she needed to tell us both something.’

‘She does? Any idea what?’ I questioned. I should have suspected Jared was going to be here when I saw she’d reserved a room with two beds. But I was too distracted to give it much thought.

‘No clue,’ Jared admitted. ‘She told me to be here, so I’m here. Then I figured I’d head back to Santa Barbara with you tomorrow.’

‘That works,’ I replied.

Jared plopped down on the other bed, crossing his feet as he leaned against the headboard. ‘So, how is the master plan coming along? Has it blown up in your face yet?’

‘I don’t have a plan,’ I countered in annoyance.

‘You always have a plan, Evan,’ Jared insisted. ‘That’s what you do. You think and overthink everything, strategizing and planning every step of your life. The fact that you took off to Santa Barbara without a plan seems messed up, considering what’s at stake.’