Out of Breath (Breathing, #3)(118)

‘I didn’t tell you off,’ I defended myself.

‘Yes, you did,’ Sara said, followed by laughs from the spectators. ‘It was the first time the class had ever heard you argue with anyone. It was crazy.’ She looked to Evan and said, ‘Sorry. Go ahead.’

‘She had me from the beginning. Her tenacity intrigued me, and I wanted to know everything about her,’ Evan said. ‘Still do,’ he added under his breath so only I could hear him. I took a sip from my glass.

Meg won the next round too, still completely clothed.

‘What’s something you know about Sara that no one else knows?’ she asked Jared, who was down to his shorts.

‘She has a birthmark on her inner thigh,’ Jared blurted without hesitating. Sara shrugged.

‘Sara, what’s one thing about Emma that no one else knows?’

Sara studied Emma, contemplating all the secrets she knew as Emma’s cheeks turned red in anticipation.

‘In seventh grade, right after she moved to Weslyn, she accidentally caught Ms Flynn’s sweater on fire when we were working in the bio lab for extra credit after school.’ Emma sank in her chair, shielding her eyes in embarrassment. ‘She put it out before Ms Flynn returned to the classroom. The best part was that she hung the sweater on the back of her chair like nothing happened, and the next day Ms Flynn wore it in class with a burn hole on the back.’

Jared laughed. ‘How the hell did you catch her sweater on fire?’

‘She was trying to show me how to burn off lint balls, and it was pretty cool at first, then it just started burning.’ Sara giggled.

‘Yeah. That happened,’ Emma admitted, glancing at me out of the corner of her eye.

‘It made me laugh so hard,’ Sara recalled, ‘I knew I had to be friends with her after that.’

‘Wow,’ I said with a grin. Emma bit on her lip.

We continued playing, and I won the next hand, selecting Meg and Sara, who nonchalantly removed their shorts. As retribution, Jared selected Emma and Serena when he won his next hand. When Serena removed her shorts, revealing the length of her ivory legs, James protectively set his hand on her pale thigh.

‘Truth,’ I selected, relieved that Jared was doing the asking.

‘If you could get away with one illegal thing, what would it be?’ he asked playfully.

In a flash, all I could see was blood, and the disfigured face lying motionless on the floor. I felt the blood rushing from my face. Meg looked at me curiously. I rubbed my damp palms on the skirt of my dress.

A cold sweat broke out along my spine. I pushed away from the table and walked away without saying a word.

‘Emma!’ Sara called after me.

I didn’t look back. I needed to shut down the rush of images. Jonathan punching the guy over and over again. The blood smeared on the floor when he picked him up. My hands clutching the steering wheel as Jonathan wiped the car of fingerprints. It was the one secret that I’d been able to keep closed off, locked in the deepest bowels of repression – only to be released by one harmless question.

‘Emma!’ Sara yelled again, running to catch up as I reached the sidewalk. ‘What was that about? What’s wrong?’

I couldn’t. I shook my head and kept walking, shutting everything out.

‘Emma, stop,’ she requested desperately. ‘Please. Please tell me what happened?’ She reached for my arm, and I spun around. Sara flinched when she saw the hardened look on my face. ‘Please tell me what happened?’

I caught a glimpse of Evan watching us from the sidewalk.

‘I’m walking back to the house,’ I said in a rush, turning away. ‘I’m not playing any more.’

‘Okay,’ she answered. ‘Can I come with you?’

‘If you want. But I’m not talking about it,’ I told her firmly.

‘All right,’ Sara agreed. She hollered to Evan, ‘Emma and I are walking back.’

He nodded but remained on the sidewalk, watching after us. I kept walking, and Sara accompanied me in silence.

Just when I thought there was a chance to shed myself of all my horrible choices, I was painfully reminded of the one that I could never outrun.





36


Always You


SARA HAD COME OUT OF EMMA’S ROOM HOURS ago and told me she was going to be okay. That was it. Then she went upstairs with Jared.

There was nothing okay about the horrified look in Emma’s eyes when Jared asked that question. He’d apologized over and over, but I still couldn’t talk to him. Of all the questions he could’ve asked, he had to ask the girl who’d survived being strangled that question. The girl who had been tormented for years at the hands of a sadistic woman.

I couldn’t stay mad at him. He wasn’t thinking of Emma’s past, just of the hilarious answers any other person would have come up with. He had no idea she was going to react that way. When she’d pushed her chair away, her whole body was trembling. Sara had reached her before I did, and so she was the one who was there for her. And I stayed away, and let her.

But now I couldn’t sleep. I wanted to check on her. To lie next to her and hold her. I knew I could keep her safe, if she’d just let me. But something kept me on the hammock, staring at the stars, instead of knocking on her door. There was still too much we hadn’t told each other.