Our Kind of Cruelty(55)

I didn’t like his tone, but there was no point in losing my temper. ‘I don’t want to shift the blame on to her.’

‘Look, there’s no doubting you threw the fatal punch. But there are so many unanswered questions, so many ways we can get the jury to question her and then start to see you in a different light. I mean, for a start, why hadn’t she told Angus you were in contact? Why didn’t she report the assault straight after it happened? Why didn’t she tell Angus as soon as he got home? Why the fuck did she ring you to warn you he was coming round that night?’

‘It wasn’t assault,’ I said, thinking back to the glorious kiss V and I had shared which still rested like velvet in my soul.

‘Exactly. So, you have to ask yourself why she’s saying that now, all of a sudden. Doesn’t it make you doubt her intentions all along?’ Xander leant forward as he spoke, his Adam’s apple bobbing and his cheeks flushed.

‘I don’t expect you to understand. It’s part of our game. I don’t want people to doubt her.’

He looked straight at me. ‘Mike, they either have to doubt you or her. We can’t go after Angus because he’s dead and juries tend to feel sorry for the victim. If they believe you did it out of jealousy it plays very badly. Murder carries a mandatory life sentence and even if we got manslaughter you’d be looking at ten to fifteen years. We can say you didn’t mean to kill him until we’re blue in the face, but they won’t believe you. You beat him up pretty badly, apart from anything else, which doesn’t look good. But if you were so distressed you lost control then maybe we can turn them towards a more lenient version of manslaughter. What if your mind was turned by Verity? If her hold over you was so strong that you thought you were doing what she wanted? Then, then we’ve got a chance.’

My mind felt fuzzy. ‘But I’ll still have to go to prison.’

‘I think that’s going to be unavoidable. But what I’m suggesting is the difference between ten and five years, maybe less. You won’t even be forty when you get out.’

‘What will happen to Verity?’ I was thinking about how I would visit the prison gym in the evening and press weights.

Xander sucked in some air, as if he really was human. ‘That’s what we need to discuss, Mike. And I need you to listen carefully and think about what’s best for both of you. It’s not going to be pretty for her either way. We’ll have to tear her apart in court a bit and all your secrets will come out. But I think we need to go further. Maybe …’ He tried to look uncomfortable, but it didn’t sit well on his smooth features. ‘Maybe she’ll have to pay for what she’s done. Literally, I mean.’

I decided on heavier weights. ‘I don’t want her upset.’

Xander sighed. ‘Come on, Mike, this is serious. This is your life we’re talking about.’ He stood and leant over the desk. ‘Bottom line, you’re going down for this and I don’t think it’s fair for you to take this all on your own. Verity might not have thrown the punch, she might not even have actually asked you to do it, but she’s as guilty as you are in some ways. Come on, she was clearly in love with you and wanted out of her marriage.’

‘I don’t understand what you’re saying.’

‘Mike,’ Xander said, his voice lowered like I would imagine him speaking to his children when they were naughty and he was being reasonable. ‘I’m duty-bound to go to the police with what you’ve told me.’

‘But I haven’t told you anything.’

He tapped my document. ‘It’s all in here. You know they’ve had Verity in for questioning a few times already?’ I shook my head. ‘They’re obviously suspicious about her involvement. If I tell them what you’ve told me I think there’s a chance she could be charged with accessory to murder.’

‘No. Absolutely not.’

‘You’ll be tried together,’ Xander said. ‘You might even get similar sentences. And think about it. When you get out you’ll have this shared experience. She won’t have been out in the world getting on with her life while you’ve been rotting away in here. You can start a new life together, put all this behind you.’

I looked at Xander and his blue eyes, which reminded me sometimes of Kaitlyn’s. He smiled slowly as his words sank in. There was something intoxicating about them. Something which demanded surrender. Which felt like stepping on to warm sand or into a proper hug. It was a part of the Crave neither of us had anticipated, but maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. There was an undeniable beauty in the idea of V safely packed away in a cell just like mine, waiting to be taken out like a precious jewel in a few years’ time. It almost sounded romantic, like something we might tell our grandchildren.



Xander told me to expect certain aspects of our story to be leaked. He was sorry, he said, but there was nothing he could do about it. Office juniors like to gossip, he said, sighing as he stopped his hands from rubbing together. But I didn’t expect these ridiculous, bald headlines which leave out so much. I have started cutting them out and sticking them in here so that I never again forget what the world is like out there.

MAN KILLS RIVAL IN TRAGIC SEX GAME

DESIRE, DEATH & DESTRUCTION

THE LOOK OF GUILT

THE COLD-EYED WIFE