Nobody's Goddess (Never Veil #1)(19)

I could feel Mistress Tailor’s gaze boring into me from the seat on the other side of Luuk. Father might have done the same from my other side—I was, after all, barely dried and still wearing a damp, torn, and grass-stained mud-and-vomit dress—but his eyes were forward, locked on the woman at the center of the stage behind the coupling, as if she were the only thing that mattered.

Mother stood behind Jurij and Elfriede, a black leather book in her hands. It was the book of the lord’s blessing, the one kept at the Great Hall in a dark corner, layers of dust upon its sour pages, only touched when it was time for a woman to show to all that she was truly in love. So come on, Elfriede. Prove that you’re in love. How was it possible to want and not want something all at once?

Mother smiled and stared out at the gathered crowd, waiting for the right moment.

Although there was a pit of worry buried deep in my stomach, I was almost falling asleep out of sheer exhaustion. It felt nice, having that land of dreams almost within reach. I hoped I would wake up and forget the day had ever happened.

Mother cleared her throat and held the book open, a bit of dust escaping from its crinkling yellow pages. The mother of the goddess didn’t officiate her daughter’s wedding. That occasion was less momentous and could be handled by some figurehead in the village. But at her daughter’s Returning, the mother stood in ceremony, ready to do as her mother did for her and her mother’s mother before her.

“In a dismal time, long ago, in our village enshrined in endless mountains gray and white, love was sparse, love was rare.” Mother licked her fingertip and turned the page. What she saw there made her smile and glance at Elfriede, who looked away from Jurij in order to grin back at her. “A mother’s devotion to her child, a sister’s loyalty to her siblings, might have been all one knew of love, of warmth and passion.”

I swallowed at the mention of a sister’s loyalty, my mind lost in a mixture of guilt and revulsion. Without realizing, I’d clutched the skirt of my dress until my knuckles grew pale.

After a moment more of droning, Mother’s voice grew louder, snapping me back to attention. “But then the first goddess came down to touch the ground, from peaks unreachable, from nothingness beyond the endless mountains.

“My children, I have heard your screams, seen your tears. You stirred my heart at the first cry, and so I leaped from the mountains and fell for ages, watching you suffer for years on end. At last my feet have touched the ground. You are no longer alone.”

No longer alone. How wrong those words were. I couldn’t focus on what other drivel Mother spouted from the lord’s “blessing.” The pain in my chest was too great.

Luckily, I was distracted by Mistress Tailor’s sudden loud breathing, so deep I thought she must be snoring. Beside her, Master Tailor reached out a hand to touch her shoulder, and she shrugged it away.

Mother’s voice grew stern. “The goddess’s words gave the women more than hope. She spoke and the women became goddesses themselves, goddesses with power to lock out the darkness. To keep it where it was deserved: across the faces of men.” I looked to Jurij, keeper of the darkness, but whatever he thought of this part of the story, his mask kept it from me.

Mother looked up from the book, the words seeming to come from her instead of the old and dusty pages. “We mask our boys and men. Deserving of the love of mothers and sisters and aunts and cousins they may be, and to them they may show their faces. But to prove themselves truly worthy of love and of the first goddess’s blessing, they must find the goddess in a woman of no blood relation when they grow from boy to man. They must treat her kindly, regard her with reverence, and win her affection. Should the goddess in turn love the man when she is at least seventeen years of age, she may Return her feelings to him and reveal his face to the light. From that day forward, he is free to walk unmasked, having proved himself worthy of love, never again to fear the power of a woman’s gaze, no matter what the years may bring.”

Mother’s eyes wandered back to the book, and she turned a page gently. “Every goddess shall have her due. Every woman shall get her man. So spoke the goddess, and so it shall always be.”

With that, Mother shut the book. Every woman? That was proof enough that the first goddess wasn’t as all-powerful as they claimed. But Ingrith mentioned that line …

My thoughts were racing, foolishly distracting me from the danger. Jurij let go of Elfriede’s hand and ripped off his ceremonial Returning mask.

He’s going to die!

And Elfriede’s smile grew wider. She closed her eyes, leaned forward, and the two shared their first kiss, forever sealing their union.

She loves him. That can’t be true! It can’t be!

My mind was screaming at me. I wanted to run up and fling him back from her, guarding his face from her eyes, from the eyes of all of the women around me.

Mother put the book down on the table behind her and grasped both Elfriede’s and Jurij’s hands in her own, raising them high above her head. “The goddess has judged Jurij, her man, worthy of love!”

The crowd exploded. Shrieks and cries echoed throughout the space, hurting my ears.

Unmasked men and women melted into each other’s embrace. Father jumped up and ran toward Mother, his arms outstretched. “Aubree!” called Father, devotion pouring into both syllables of Mother’s name, over and over between kisses. I looked away. I bit my lip, willing myself not to cry.