More Than Lies (More Than #1)(107)

“Where is Tara?” My voice booms louder. I look to my friends for an answer. They don’t answer me.

“How bad?” Mason throws a question at Cole. He swallows hard.

“She wasn’t wearing a helmet.” God, no. No, Tara isn’t hurt. It’s someone else. He’s not talking about her.

“Where is Tara?” I yell this time. The music goes dead and everyone quiets down.

“She’s okay, right?” Samantha asks.

“He was . . .” Cole’s voice cracks. “He was going pretty fast they said.” He looks at me with sorrow. “They pronounced her at the scene, man.”

“This is all your fault!” Matt roars, and his body starts to shake. I look toward Mason. He’s frozen. He’s looking right at me, but he’s frozen solid.

Everything inside me stops, then shatters.

No. No, not Tara. She isn’t dead. I don’t believe him.

“I’m sorry, man. I’m really fucking sorry. She was my friend, too.” I rip my arm away from Cole and I bolt.

I can’t listen to him any longer.

My world did not just stop fucking turning.

She isn’t . . .

She can’t be . . .





I don’t know how I got home in one piece. I was shit-faced when I broke my girlfriend’s heart an hour ago. Getting smashed was the only way I knew I’d be able to go through with it. Liquoring it up for the past week has been the only way I’ve been able to restrain myself from touching her.

And now she is dead.

Gone.

I’ll never be able to touch her again.

Matt was right when he said it was my fault. I might not have put her on Jared’s motorcycle without proper riding gear, but I sure as fuck shoved her to him. Because of me she wanted out of the club. I’m sure he was waiting for the opportunity to take her from me.

I bring the vodka bottle to my lips, tipping it up so the liquid spills into my mouth. I wanted to numb this feeling, but half a bottle later and it’s still there. Pain. So much pain that it feels as though my chest is being crushed.

I was too drunk to drive to my parents when I left the club. I shouldn’t have driven at all, but I wasn’t thinking that clearly. My head was fogged. It still is. This can’t be real. This can’t be happening.

A shadow crosses me, but I don’t look toward the source.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said what I said.” His voice is broken.

“Get out.” I don’t want anyone around me right now. No one needs to be around me right now. The way I’m feeling, I’m not confident in myself that I won’t do something I’ll later regret.

Regrets . . .

“Look—”

“I said get out. Leave me alone.”

Matt obviously gets the point. Soon the shadow fades and I’m left alone again. I’m sitting in Tara’s bedroom, on her floor against the foot of her bed. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Not long . . . not long enough to drink the pain away.

What did I do?

They were words. Lies. Lies that ended up being the catalyst that got the only woman I’ve ever loved killed. Words that spilled out of my mouth like vomit as I watched her break in front of my eyes. Words I’ll never be able to take back, and words that will still be here tomorrow when she won’t be.

The tears come again. I only know because my vision blurs from the liquid pooling into my eyes. My face is actually numb. It’s the rest of my body that isn’t. I feel sick to my stomach. My knuckles hurt, but that probably has something to do with punching my fist through the mirror on top of her dresser. My skin is prickling all over and hasn’t stopped since Cole opened his goddamned mouth.

I’ll never get to tell her how sorry I am or beg her to forgive me.

I won’t see her laugh or smile again. I’ll never be able to watch her eyes when she’s in deep thought and having a conversation with herself inside her head.

I already miss everything about her. The way her skin makes my skin tingle when we touch. The way her smell wakes me up in the middle of the night because I can’t breathe enough of her into me. Or the way she puts my soul at ease when she’s lying in my arms at night when we’re in bed together.

I’ll never get to tell her that I love her, have loved her for longer than I even realized. I’ll never get to ask her to marry me or witness my children growing inside of her. I’ll never get any of that.

Because she’s gone from my life forever.

My lies, my doubts in myself, my own insecurities that I didn’t know existed, they have cost me everything. It cost me our future and her life.

Her beautiful life was taken far too soon. It’s not fair.

Why did you take her from me?

But he didn’t. My actions caused her to leave with someone else. She was mine. I was supposed to make sure she was safe, and I did fail her after all.

I take another drink, tipping the bottle up longer and gulping as much as I can down until I start to choke. It serves me right.

Slamming the bottle down to the ground, another shadow crosses the door. Why can’t they fuck off?

“I said leave me alone! Get out!” I yell not looking up. They can all go to hell.

“Go to hell. The last time I checked, this was still my bedroom. So, no Shawn, I won’t get out. You can get out.”