More Than Lies (More Than #1)(106)

I turn my body away from her, not caring what she does or where she goes.

“You’ll regret that.” There’s venom in her threat.

“Piss. The. Fuck. Off.” My back hits the tile and I slide my body to the floor as the bathroom door closes.

What did I do?

Why did I do it?

Because I know her parents will never accept me with her. Because I know Tara cares too much what they think. Because she wants to make them proud even though nothing she’s ever done has accomplished that.

Fuck, I don’t know any more.

Because I let Jared’s words seep into my veins for a minute?

She told Jared she loves me. That four-letter word, said out loud, scared the shit out of me. Why would she love me? I have nothing to offer her. I’ve done nothing to deserve her love.

She deserves the world and someone that can give her everything she’s ever wanted. I’m a fuck up. I barely finished high school. I quit college after a whole six months. I’m bullshitting my way through owning a tattoo business. I could fail tomorrow, next month, or even next year. Who the fuck knows. Sure, I can get another job, but I’d still be a failure.

Failures do not get a smart, talented, beautiful woman like Taralynn Evans.

It doesn’t happen. And if it did, I’d never be able to keep her. Eventually she’d open her eyes and see me for me. She’d regret me. I don’t ever want to be someone she regrets.

I want her to have the love my parents have with each other. Their love is beautiful, endless, selfless, and pure. It’s real.

But don’t you want that too?

My eyes close, but her face breaks through the darkness.

I love her.

I’m in love with Tara.

It’s not a realization, but more of an acceptance. Deep down, I’ve known it for a while now. I’ve never wanted anything or anyone the way I want her. The way I need her. I can’t get enough of her. It’s not just sex, though our sex life is awesome. It’s being around her, holding her, hanging out, or doing fun shit like riding four-wheelers. I crave her friendship the most.

Shoving them away and ignoring my true feelings for her never stopped them from growing, though. They were there the whole time. And look what I’ve done.

Self-doubt penetrating my whole being made me believe I don’t deserve her and can’t make her happy. But I’ll never really know if I don’t try. And if I want it bad enough—and I do—couldn’t I succeed?

I bang my head against the tile until the pain hurts so bad I can’t do it any longer.

That look in her eyes after Holly told her I cheated on her . . . I’ll never get it out of my head. Those dark blue eyes split my own heart apart. I filled those eyes with so much pain. I don’t know if I can fix this.

How do you mend a heart?

You don’t break it in the first place, asshole.

I jump up. I have to find her. I at least have to tell her I didn’t fuck Holly or anyone else since I’ve been with her. I have to convince her of that first. She didn’t deserve what I put her through.

I pull my cell from my pocket and call Tara. The phone goes straight to voice mail.

Shit.

I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy. I stuff the phone back into my pocket.

Pulling the door open, it smacks the back of the wall as I exit. I round the corner, coming back into the larger room of the club that houses the stage for live bands. I look in all directions, not seeing Tara, so I head toward the table we were sitting at before I ran off from Tara and my friends. Mason and Matt are both still there along with Samantha.

“Where’s Tara?” They all look up at me, pissed. Matt more so than Mason, but my best friend is looking at me with disappointment in his eyes. I know I fucked up. I don’t need him to confirm it. I don’t need any of their shit. I need Tara.

“Leave her alone.” Matt spits out.

“Where is she? Her phone is going straight to voice mail.” I will not give up until I find her.

“We all knew you were going to fuck it up with her, but that skank Holly? You couldn’t keep it in your pants?” Matt’s eyes turn to disgust.

I don’t have time for this. Explaining it to them will only delay me getting to Tara.

“Not now, Lawson. I need to find Tara.” There is a loud commotion behind me. When I look in that direction I see a guy pulling Cole to the side. I turn back to my friend.

“She left.” Samantha’s eyes burn into mine. She hates me right at this moment.

“Where did she go?” Before Sam speaks, the sound of something crashing against a wall draws everyone’s attention in that direction. The back wall is covered in liquid. I’m assuming Cole threw a beer bottle. His body is bowed against the table and the guy looks as though he can’t breathe. His head pops up and he looks our way. I turn back around. “Will someone tell me where the fuck my girlfriend is, please?”

None of them are paying attention to my question. They’re all still looking at Cole’s outburst.

“Damn it, would one of you . . .” I stop when I feel a hand grab onto my arm. Turning my face sideways I see it’s Cole. “What?”

He doesn’t speak at first. The guy looks torn up.

“Jared laid his bike down on the highway about five miles from here.” There’s a sharp intake of breaths coming from the table my friends are sitting at. Maybe they care. I don’t. Jared and I have no love lost. Our friendship ended in high school. Cole telling me he crashed his motorcycle doesn’t affect me. Unless . . .