Last Summer(79)

“I have one more thing to confess.”

Damien lowers his arm.

“I didn’t just intentionally forget Nathan. I tried to forget that I wanted to have children.”

Damien falls back a step. He frowns. “How did you figure that out?”

“Davie told me. I guess I mentioned something to her in the hospital. I’m guessing I thought I could fix our problems if I didn’t want kids, like you. Instead, I screwed up and made a total mess of my head. I forgot the wrong things, like Simon. I never would have wanted to forget him.

“I’m sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused us. And I’m sorry for cheating on you. I didn’t mean to hurt you. But it’ll never happen again, I promise.”

Damien is quiet for several moments and Ella fears the worst. She wants children. He’d wanted them with Anna. Would he want them with her? If not, what was the point of staying together when they don’t want the same thing?

But Damien says something that floors her.

“I had a twin brother.”

She blinks. “You did?”

He nods. “I should have told you about him a long time ago. Broderick was the firstborn. He was also my parents’ favorite. We were only four when he died in his sleep of a heart defect no one knew about. Anytime I got less than an A on a test or didn’t beat my PR in track, my parents would not so subtly weave my brother into the conversation. They’d wonder if Broderick would have beaten my time or scored higher. I could never live up to Broderick’s imagined potential. I’ve competed against my dead brother my entire life for my parents’ recognition.”

“How could they treat you like that?”

“I was in Broderick’s bed when my parents found him. I guess it was easier for them to blame me than accept that their perfect child had a defect.”

“They don’t think you killed him, do they?”

“No, nothing like that. But there were times I felt they treated me as if I did. I have memories of my brother. I’ve seen pictures. I loved him. I never could have hurt him.” His voice cracks.

“Of course you couldn’t. You were only a child.”

“My parents had dreams of grandchildren and were ecstatic when I married Anna. They hoped for twins. When that didn’t happen and I told them why, my dad reneged on his offer to hand over CyberSeal when he retired. My punishment for ending the family line. As if I chose to be sterile!

“I didn’t see it coming. All the work I’d done for him, my college education, training at his company. It was all for nothing. He demoted me, then told me he was taking the company public. I left before that happened.”

Anger fills Ella. “What an asshole. I don’t get how parents can cut off their kids,” she exclaims, thinking of her mom’s parents.

“It happens all the time.”

“Well, it shouldn’t have happened to you. I don’t want you to invite them to dinner, ever.”

Damien chokes out a laugh. “No worries there. I met my dad for lunch earlier this week and showed him the evidence we collected against CyberSeal. He claims he didn’t know anything about it.”

“Do you believe him?”

“No. But I did get him to agree to compensate us for lost revenue in exchange for keeping it out of court. That’s publicity his board doesn’t want. Had he not agreed, I would have made sure this turned into a media circus and his stock would nose-dive. PDN can take the hit. CyberSeal, being public, can’t.”

“I’m glad you worked out an arrangement. That must not have been an easy meeting.”

“It wasn’t.” He shoves a hand through his hair, messing the neat waves he styled that morning.

“You must have felt like he was rejecting you all over again. Thank you for being honest with me, Damien.”

He presses his lips into a flat line and nods. Restless, he goes to the desk, slides aside a magazine but doesn’t really look at it.

“I get why you never told me about your sterility. I imagine it’s easier to say you don’t want kids than to explain the truth. And I’m sorry about your brother. I can’t imagine losing Andrew.”

Again, he nods, his eyes downcast. He fans the magazine. Pages flip. Ella wants nothing more than to hold him. For now, though, she tries to lighten the burden he carries.

“I love you, Damien. You don’t have to give me kids. Just give me you.”

“But you want kids, Ella,” he says firmly. “I’m not going to take that away from you.”

“So, what? You’re just going to give up on us?”

“We have other issues. You cheated on me, twice.” He holds up two fingers for emphasis.

Ella’s heart sinks and she closes her eyes. “I’ll regret that every single day for the rest of my life. I’m so sorry,” she says, meeting his gaze.

“Me too.” He taps a finger on the desk, and after a moment, says, “I should have told you I can’t have kids.”

“Would you, if you could?”

“Ella.”

She goes to him and grasps his hands. “Just answer the question, please. Do you want to have kids with me?”

His face crumples. He looks on the brink of tears. “If I could have kids, I wouldn’t want anything more than to have them with you,” he admits, his voice thick.