Landon & Shay: Part Two (L&S Duet #2)(2)

Our love wasn’t traditional, but it was ours.

And I’d vowed to do whatever it took to keep our story alive forever.





January 10th, 2004



Chick,



Los Angeles is…weird—the trees, the weather, the people. Do you know it started raining the other day, and it was as if the world was going to come to a crashing end? I guess rain isn’t a big thing over here. I feel like coming from Illinois, we are weather experts. Negative fifteen degrees? Great—let’s go snow tubing! Eighteen inches of snow? Let’s build a snowman ten feet high!

But, honestly, I like it here. It’s nice not to freeze your balls off in the winter, and well, Mom seems happier here, almost as if her heart was made for California.

So, personal life updates. Let’s see…

I’ve grown pretty attached to having candy close by at all times. Peanut butter M&M’s should be illegal, but damn, I’m happy they’re not. Don’t be surprised if I have a Santa belly the next time you see me. I blame you for this. Also, if you sent a few banana Laffy Taffys in your next package, I wouldn’t be mad about that. I can’t find those things anywhere.

My therapist is no Mrs. Levi, but she does the job right. I feel okay after leaving her appointments, and I guess that’s the goal. I guess that’s another life update: I feel okay. I know you worry, but I’m doing the work to get right with my mind. It’s hard some days, and other days, it’s all right. The therapist says to take it one second at a time. As I write this letter, this second is pretty okay.

Also, random. I met an acting agent the other day through someone Mom knew, and they are interested in working with me. I’m not sure shit will come from it, but damn. I’m definitely intrigued.

The highlights of Los Angeles so far: Their addiction to avocado, being close enough to get to the ocean if need be, Mom’s here, and the sun.

The shadows of Los Angeles: You’re not here.

Kind of wish I could win the lottery to get money to come see you.

I miss your face.

I miss your heartbeats.

Fuck. I miss you. I miss you so much I kick myself in the ass for wasting so much time hating you. I’m doing the work so I can be good enough to come back to you, but dammit, I wish my mind were faster at healing. But you know, second by second and all.



Your turn. Tell me everything that’s going on there.



I love you, I love you.

Once so you hear me, twice to leave an imprint.

-Satan



P.S. Enjoy the package of peanut butter M&M’s included with the notebook.

P.P.S. I wasn’t kidding about the banana Laffy Taffys. Don’t let me down, Chick.





February 5th, 2004



Satan,



You should’ve never introduced me to peanut butter M&M’s—this is a sin upon sin. Who knew sins could taste so good against my lips? Why do they taste like this, and why did you only send me one pack? That seems pretty selfish, and I get the feeling you kept a few for yourself.

Tracey, Raine, and I are rooming together next year for freshman year at UW-Madison. Mima is convinced that rooming with my two best friends is a terrible idea, but I think it will be okay. We’ve had enough sleepovers together to know we’ll be fine with one another.

I got my second ever rejection letter from a writing agency. I’m thinking about framing it! What’s success without a little bit of failure, right? At least one of us is rocking our dreams! Speaking of that, I’m really proud of you. You’re going to be huge one day, Landon, and I’m already your biggest fan.

You’re going places, kid.

Highlights of Raine, Illinois: There’s only ten inches of snow coming down on us tomorrow. Yay! Mima’s food is still sent from the gods. Mom is doing okay getting over her broken heart, even though sometimes she still cries. My cousin Eleanor seems to be smitten with Greyson ever since they met at a party over the summer. I like seeing her happy with him, especially since she’s struggling with her mom being sick.

Shadows of Raine, Illinois: You’re still gone.

I love you times two.

-Chick



P.S. Send. More. Chocolate.

P.P.S. Bought five lottery tickets the other night. Not a winner yet, but the moment I am, I’m buying a ticket to come see you.





May 1st, 2004



Satan,



Today’s hard. Probably one of the hardest days of my life. Today, we have to say goodbye to my Aunt Paige, and all I can think about is how it’s too soon. I wish you would’ve had a chance to get to know her. Her energy was contagious. She had a light about her that could make the darkest days shine. She loved art. She loved children. She loved her family.

Gosh, did she love her family.

I know my cousin Eleanor is going to struggle for a long time with losing her mother, and I am going to stand by her side today to hold her up. Greyson came down to stand beside her, too. You did a good job choosing a best friend like him. We’re here for two weeks, and then we fly back to Illinois. I’ll have to be strong for that long. I’ll have to hold my cousin and my uncle up because I know they are going to fall apart.

Then when I get home, I’ll fall apart on my own because I loved my aunt. I loved her so, so much, and this hurts. It doesn’t seem fair. Mima said a prayer and told me Heaven is waiting for Paige’s arrival, but I don’t think that’s fair.