Landon & Shay: Part Two (L&S Duet #2)(10)

I loved how she loved me unconditionally. I loved how the sound of her voice could bring me back from the darkness.

I. Loved. Her.

Fully and completely.

Spending those few days with her felt like a reset to my entire being. Shay Gable was my life support, and for that, I planned to someday give her the whole world. Until then, I’d give her every piece of me.

When I left to return to Los Angeles, I struggled to let go, but I was determined to make my way back to her somehow, somewhere.

“You know the drill, Landon. Three good things that happened in the past forty-eight hours. Go,” Dr. Smith told me as she leaned back in her swivel chair. I’d been seeing her since Mom and I got to California, and she had the laid-back vibe down to a T. I was waiting for the day she’d go full Mean Girls on me and walk in and say, There are no rules in this office. I’m not like a regular doctor. I’m a cool doctor.

She put her feet up on her desk and tossed a stress ball back and forth in her hands as she waited for my reply.

We’d been meeting twice a week to unpack my mental boxes, and so far, it was going all right. Even with her nontraditional practice, I knew I was getting through some of my issues.

One of the things that helped? Three good things.

Each time I saw Dr. Smith, I was responsible for telling her three good things that had happened in the past two days. It was a way to focus on the good things in my present instead of dwelling too much on the shitty things in my past.

At first, I’d found it pretty hard to come up with three good things, which had made me feel like complete shit. Dr. Smith had been quick to shut down those feelings.

“It’s not a final exam, Landon. You can’t get it wrong, and there are no right answers. You could say you got all green lights on the way over, and that works for me. That’s a good thing.”

My answers had started out pretty small. I had breakfast that morning. I had a bed to sleep in. I had a therapist. Then, each week, after unloading some of the stuff in my head, it seemed like we were making more room for me to see the good in every day.

Coming back from my time with Shay made it easy to think of my three good things.

“Shay, Shay, and Shay,” I said, swiveling in my own chair.

“You said the same thing three times.”

“Yup.”

She arched an eyebrow. “That doesn’t count. I need three different things.”

“But Shay is good enough to fill all three spots.”

“While I’m sure that’s true, that’s not how this works. Come on, think hard. Three different good things.”

“All right. Shay, Shay’s kisses, and Shay’s grandmother’s cooking.”

Dr. Smith smiled. She slid her feet on the floor and rested her arms on it as she leaned in toward me. “I bet I can guess what we’re going to be talking about today.”

That was an easy enough thing to figure out.

“But didn’t you say you planned to see your father when you headed back to town, too? Do you want to talk about that?” she asked.

My hands formed fists, and I twitched a bit. “Do we have to?”

Dr. Smith studied me with narrowed eyes and care in her stare. The way she looked at me reminded me of how Mrs. Levi used to look at me, as if she really cared about my well-being.

“You know the rules, Land. We only talk about what you feel comfortable discussing.”

“Okay.” I nodded, shifting in my seat. “So, about Shay…”





December 8th, 2004



Satan,



I can’t believe it’s been seven months since I last held you in my arms. Still haven’t won the lottery, but I keep buying scratch-off tickets every time I go to the gas station. Fingers crossed!

My first semester of college is almost over, and I’m still amazed I didn’t chicken out of my creative writing major. Just promise that if I end up homeless down the line with a creative writing degree, you’ll stop by me and still give me chocolate? That will help my troubled heart.

The other day, Raine, Tracey, and I were watching TV, and would you believe it? We saw someone with a striking resemblance to you on a Calvin Klein commercial. Jesus, Landon! You’re in commercials! Commercials! My gosh, I’m so proud of you. Raine started shouting when she saw it, jumping up and down on the couch like a monkey.

Me? I started crying because I’m so happy and inspired by you. I’m so proud. Also, I cried a little because now the world knows about the magic of those abs beneath your shirt, and I am going to have to fight off the fangirls more and more. I’ve been lifting in the gym lately to get ready. I’m not afraid to pull out a woman’s extensions if she crosses a line.

Seriously, though, you’re amazing. Watching you live out your dream is so amazing to me.

I miss you. I miss you so much, and I feel like we are both even busier than before with school and you taking over the acting world, but man, am I happy when one of your letters appears in the mailbox.

I know we have our calls and our text messages, but these letters feel special to me. I like having a collection of things I can reread whenever missing you becomes too much. I can feel your love through the words, and you know how much words mean to me.

Speaking of words, I finished my favorite script of all time the other day, and I am insanely afraid to let go of it just yet. I’m not ready for the rejection of something I’m so proud of, not yet, at least. I’m going to sit on this one for a bit and hold it close to me before I release it to the wolves.