Jade Fire Gold(83)

“Stop! No, stop!” She returns to consciousness, struggling and hitting me. I wrap my arms around her tight to stop her from moving or hurting herself.

“Everything’s fine. We’re all alive—Tang Wei is alive,” I repeat as she shudders, trembling against me. “Breathe. It’s all right. Just breathe.”

Her body softens, hard edges melting into me. I try not to think of anything else, focusing only on the need to keep her calm. When her breaths steady, I release her.

“We need to get Tang Wei to a physician. Can you ride by yourself?”

Ahn gulps, a feral, cornered look in her eyes. “Yes, I’m fine. Take care of her.”

I get her to her feet and on a horse. Then, I lift Tang Wei in my arms.

She grits her blood-smeared teeth. “Don’t drop me.”

“I’m not that weak.”

“Be careful . . . I have a knife sticking out of me.”

“I can see that. Stop talking.”

She starts to laugh but I see real fear in her eyes. For a moment, I feel my own terror. I can’t lose her, too. I keep my arm around her after we saddle up, careful not to get near the site of the injury.

“This is less romantic than I thought it’d be.”

“Trust me, I’d rather be holding someone else,” I shoot back.

Somehow, she summons the strength to give me a sly smile. “I know.”

“Shut up. Concentrate on staying alive.”

“Safe house in port town . . . The Scarlet Butterfly,” she whispers, turning paler by the moment.

“I’ll get us there. No more talking.”

She nods and closes her eyes. I set a blistering pace, counting on Ahn to keep up.





35


Ahn


Am I losing my mind?

I’ve asked myself that question a hundred times since we fled from death and destruction and came to The Scarlet Butterfly.

It began with that voice, cunning and smooth like silk in the shape of a leash, ready to wrap itself around my throat. Ready to take control of me. It speaks to me now, even as I sit quietly in the corner of the room watching over Tang Wei as she rests.

The shadows came later.

At first, I thought I was delirious. Then, I thought I was going insane.

Soon, I realized what the shadows were. Who they were.

My kills. The souls I have stolen.

I started putting faces to the dark, disembodied shapes that flit around me. The bandit from the canyon, the two men from the alley in Shahmo, the three priests . . . I don’t see them exactly. They remain murky and amorphous. But I can feel them. I don’t know why they are suddenly here or why they are haunting me. Maybe they were around before, but I just didn’t notice them.

Maybe I have killed too many people, and this is my punishment.

I don’t tell Altan and Tang Wei about the shadows or the voice. I don’t want to scare them. Don’t want them to think there’s something wrong with me or that I’m incapable of going on a sea voyage. Even though Leiye told me not to, I’m getting on that ship. And I’m going to find the sword.

“Ahn?” comes a muffled whisper from the bed.

I bolt up and go to Tang Wei. “I’m here. What do you need?”

“Just water.”

She grimaces as she sits, a hand going to her chest. But she’s looking better than she did for the past few days. The healers of the Lotus Sect are skilled, and they promised me she’d recover fully in a few weeks. That did little to assuage my guilt. It was my fault that she got hurt. And even though she forgave me when I confessed that I’d almost set my life-stealing magic on her, I have not forgiven myself.

I hand her a cup of water, and she sips from it slowly.

“How are you feeling?”

“Like a mess.” Her lips curve up, and the spark returns to her eyes. “Bet I look like one, too.”

I can’t help but laugh. She points her chin at the wooden comb on the table. I pick it up and crawl onto the bed beside her. Taking a lock of her dark hair, I start to comb, getting rid of the little knots here and there.

“Ahn.” Her tone catches my attention. “Is everything all right? Have you been eating?”

My lack of sleep and loss of appetite must be starting to show. I make a funny face. “Have you ever seen me turn food away?”

Tang Wei looks unconvinced, but she doesn’t press me. “When does the ship depart?”

“Three days.”

“You’re still bent on going despite what that dodgy priest said?”

I stop combing. “I have to. I can feel it now, I know it’s out there.” Her shoulders go taut. “The sword?”

I nod.

“Is it in the sea?”

“I think so. I started feeling the pull after we left the bamboo forest.” After I let go of my fear. After I embraced my dark magic. I don’t say those words to her, but she knows.

“What does it feel like?” she asks.

She’s curious, but I’m not sure how to explain it to her. My father said it’d be like the needle of a compass, leading me. But it’s not the same.

“It’s like a tug. Comes from here.” I place a hand on my chest. “Like there’s a rope tied to me and it’s pulling.”