Jade Fire Gold(78)

I lean back, staring at the mural on the wall. Sunlight streams in, and the faded images of the gods glow. Slowly, my resolve deepens. My father may want my magic for his own purposes, and he may claim to speak for the throne, but it isn’t Tai Shun’s voice he is echoing.

My father is neither emperor nor god. I will not be his pawn.

Wishing is pointless. Praying is for fools. I am the only one who can control my fate.

I go back out to the courtyard.

Altan is still slumped in his corner, staring into the distance. I crouch down and take his hand and squeeze.

“Altan.” He doesn’t react.

His expression is frighteningly empty. Like he isn’t here right beside me. Like he’s somewhere too far away for me to reach.

I don’t want to lose him.

I grab the lapels of his outer robes, the trimmings now a dull burgundy, faded from our trials, and pull him forward, willing him to sit upright. To come back to me.

“Altan.” I give him another shake.

He startles. Finally, he seems to see me. “It’s my fault. . . . It’s always my fault.”

To see him so broken, it’s hard to hold myself together. He wears the same look as he did when he was digging Master Sun’s grave. Of a grief deeper than time. As if a part of him is dying with each breath he takes.

“It’s nobody’s fault,” I say firmly. “And if you want to blame anyone, blame the priests.”

He shakes his head, dazed. “You don’t understand. I made a choice. I made the wrong choice.”

His words are a knife to my gut. He must mean me. I was the wrong choice. The priests were after me and Ama, and Master Sun gave his life for us. I must honor his sacrifice. I have to set things right.

“Altan, I need you with me,” I say, meaning every word this time. “Help me, please. Take me to the ship.”

“Why should I?”

My heart twists. There’s no hope in his eyes. But I soldier on. “You have to help me because we both want the same thing.”

“Do we?”

“We do. You’re right. I can’t stay out of this mess. Not while I’m alive and not while this magic runs in my veins. I want to find the sword of light, I want to heal the land, I want to rescue my grandmother—and I want to get rid of the priesthood. Will you help me?”

He stays so quiet for so long that I start to think I’ve lost him for good.

“Everyone I love is dead.” There’s no emotion in his voice. “I’ll help you. . . . I have nothing more to lose.”

I squeeze his hand again, fighting the urge to tell him he is wrong.

There is always something else to lose.





33


Ahn


We meet up with Tang Wei in the next town and head toward the seaport. Deciding that the best way is to hide in plain sight, I keep my disguise as a boy, playing the younger brother to Tang Wei’s wealthy landowner’s daughter.

Tang Wei seems to relish her part, and as her personal bodyguard, Altan bears the brunt of her bossiness. He doesn’t seem to mind, even his complaints are good-humored. Her presence lifts his mood, and the usual scowl on his face doesn’t appear as often. I’m glad that she’s taking his mind off the loss of Master Sun.

Two weeks pass in a whirlwind of traveling and eating, and we are finally a day’s ride from Cuihai Port. We stop for a final meal to brace ourselves for the last leg of the journey.

A typhoon, I decide as I observe Tang Wei flirting with our waiter.

That’s what she is. A violent, glorious roar of wind and water that turns everything upside down and leaves you standing in awe of its raw beauty.

She convinces the man to sneak us an extra plate of steamed shrimp rice rolls for free. I wish I had half of her unflappable confidence and wit. I could do with another rack of dumplings.

“Men are simple,” she tells me in a conspiratorial tone after the waiter leaves with a self-satisfied smile on his face. “Make a man feel like he’s your hero and he’ll do whatever you want.”

“Hmm,” I say, staring hard at Altan.

He looks up from his beef soup. Flat noodles slither from his chopsticks back into his bowl with a plop, and some liquid splashes out.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re a man.”

“And your powers of observation are astounding.”

“It’s hard to tell sometimes because you’re so pretty,” I coo. He cracks a smile. I brandish my chopsticks at Tang Wei. “Is what she said true? About men?”

He fidgets in his seat. “It’ll work on some, I suppose.”

“Does it work on you?” Tang Wei elbows him. “Does anyone make you feel particularly heroic, Golden Boy?”

Altan shoots her a warning look. “Stop calling me that.”

She shrugs and turns to me, eyes sparkling. “Girls, on the other hand, girls are a challenge and far more interesting.” She plays with a lock of my hair. My cheeks flush. I can feel my ears turning hot as she pats my arm. “Oh, Ahn, settle down—I didn’t mean you.”

Altan chokes on his noodles. He clutches his side, laughing as if Tang Wei made the funniest joke ever.

“I can be interesting!” I protest.

“I’m sure someone out there agrees. In the meantime, play your part, brother.” Tang Wei shakes her head slowly, eyes twinkling impishly as she gives me a once-over.