Jade Fire Gold(73)

“He took his bow and arrows and went for a walk.”

Worry gnaws at me. “Did he tell you about the boy who was taken?”

“Yes, but he will not do anything rash,” assures Master Sun, sensing my concern.

I have my doubts, but I don’t voice them. “My grandmother said you told Altan to protect me. Why?” I ask instead.

“Because of what you may choose to do.”

He regards me, a clever gleam in his eyes. Once again, I feel examined. But I’m not sure what the test is this time.

“I understand you are having some difficulty with your magic. May I?” He shows me an open palm.

I place my hand on his, and he presses two fingers firmly on my wrist.

“As I thought. Your qì fluctuates irregularly. A block must have been placed on one of your meridians at some point, affecting the flow of energy in your body, and hence, your magic.”

I withdraw my hand with a start. That memory I had after taking the empress’s concoction—it was my mother who put the block.

“Can you undo it?”

“I’m afraid not. It is too dangerous. I would counsel you to let the block undo itself.”

“How can it undo itself?”

“Focus on understanding your magic, and the rest will follow.”

He’s talking about my life-stealing affinity. I shake my head. “I don’t—I can’t—” I shake my head again and gulp down my tea.

“It is all right to feel fear. There is a duality to nature, a balance. Water gives life, but it can pierce through stone and carve mountains. The wind ushers your sails, but it can destroy the boats in your harbor. Earth is the foundation for growth but when it is corrupted, life cannot find a way. Fire may kill, yet, in destruction, there is a rebirth and a new beginning. You can choose to protect.”

“Choose to protect?” I echo. His words remind me of what Ama said. They both think I have a choice, but I’m not sure if I do.

Someone knocks on the door and enters.

Altan. First bowing to Master Sun, he casts me a suspicious look as if I were the mastermind of this clandestine meeting with his mentor.

“You are back.” The hint of relief in Master Sun’s voice is unmistakable. Maybe he was secretly as worried as I was that Altan might have gone to find those soldiers. “Ahn has offered to be my new tea disciple. Seeing that you have no interest, I’m taking up her offer. She has potential.”

Master Sun beams at me and I smile back, happy to be praised. But my delight is greeted with Altan’s scowl.

“Does she?”

I roll my eyes at him. “Where did you go?”

“Master Luo invited us to have dinner with his family in an hour,” he says, ignoring me. With that he turns on his heel and leaves, sullen as ever.

I call him an unkind name under my breath.

“He gets this way sometimes.” Master Sun has an indecipherable look on his face.

“I’ll go t-tell my grandmother about dinner,” I stammer, mortified that he heard my insult.

I bow once more before I leave and run up the stairs. Mired in my thoughts, I miss Ama’s room, ending up at the end of the hallway. Huffing, I start to turn back but stop at the sound of voices coming from the room next to me.

“If we set off tonight, we can get Young Master Li to the next town east in three days,” says a man gruffly.

“We’ll have to take the long route round and avoid the soldiers’ camp,” says another man. “Wang tracked it down. It’s between Heshi and the village they’ve been drafting from.”

Are these two men helping someone avoid the draft? I press my ear against the door.

“I suspect they’ll stay for another day or two and be off—”

“Or they’ll start recruiting here,” cuts in the first man.

“In that case, let’s leave right now. Lord Li says his son is packed and ready. If he’s not here, the soldiers can’t draft him.”

Footsteps come close, so I sprint back to Ama’s room. Chest full of anger, I think about reporting the men and what I heard. How dare the rich flee and leave others to sacrifice? But my own hands are tied. I can’t report Lord Li’s wrongdoing to the soldiers without exposing myself. Besides, that would be helping my father and his thirst for war. The anger leaves me, and shame takes its place.

I can’t do anything.

And sometimes, doing nothing is the worst thing you can do.

Altan doesn’t join us for dinner with Master Luo and his family after all. If Master Sun is troubled by his absence, he doesn’t show it. After a huge meal of steaming bowls of rice vermicelli noodles, shrimp dumplings, and roasted pork, I stumble back to the barn with a full belly.

“Altan?” I call out.

There’s no response. He isn’t here in the barn either. Exhausted, I flop onto the hay, my makeshift bed for the night since we gave up our room to a paying guest. But it’s impossible to fall asleep. I’m worried about Altan and I can’t forget the distraught look on that woman’s face or how young and underfed her son looked.

Unlike Lord Li’s son, she and her child have no one to protect them. I could have. I should have. Altan tried.

But I stopped him.

I want to slap the coward out of myself. Cast away the girl conditioned by the Empire to keep in line, to think only of herself. But I can’t seem to do it.