If You Must Know (Potomac Point #1)(107)
That thought prompted another gentle ache—Eli. My knee-jerk reaction to his concerns told me I still had a ways to go on my path to maturity—at least when it came to communication. I couldn’t decide if letting go had been respectful of his feelings, or if I’d simply given up. Nothing bugged me more than indecision, which made me grouchy now.
Hannah cleaned the spills and sugar dust that the couple who’d been sitting at a nearby table had left behind. “Erin, you’re on a streak. Last week you had one hottie here, this week another. Funny, though, I don’t picture you with a cop.”
“Rodri is an old friend, nothing more.” I flashed a half-hearted smile.
“And the other one?”
“Also a friend, although there was a spark of something there . . .”
“Past tense?”
I screwed up my face while picking at the almond slivers on my pastry. “It’s complicated.”
The dishrag dangled from the hand Hannah planted on her hip. “You and I both know ‘it’s complicated’ is a lie people tell themselves when what they mean is that they’re not ready to face their own fears.” She swiped her index finger my way. “Not for nothing, but it’s easy to be bold about your hair and your job and all that, but none of that means a thing if you can’t be bold with your heart. So you go on and uncomplicate that situation if that’s what you really want.”
It sounded so much like something my dad might say that tears wet my eyes. “This is why I love it here, Hannah. Where else could I find a pastry-making shrink?”
Hannah chuckled and went back to the register.
For years, I had thought myself bold and my sister fearful. In truth, Amanda had put herself out there—in love, in her career, in all ways that I never had. Even today, she was facing down Lyle in prison while I sat on my butt, drinking chai. Seems I’d had it backward all along.
Maybe it was time to take my own advice. I drew a breath and called Eli.
“Hello, Erin.” Hearing his voice made my heart hum.
“Hey, Eli. I’m sitting at our table at Sugar Momma’s and thought I’d let you know I’m home safe, and I succeeded.” I bit down on my lip, not knowing what else to say.
“I read the news. Congrats. I’m glad for your family, and that you’re safe.” After a brief pause, he said, “Actually, I was planning on calling you. Do you have time to stop by?”
My knee bounced wildly, and I bit my lip so hard as I smiled it hurt. I checked the time because I wanted to be home when Amanda arrived. “Only a little.”
“I’ll take what I can get. See you soon.”
My hopes soared because he wouldn’t ask to see me if he hadn’t changed his mind, would he?
On my way out of the shop, I waved to Hannah. “Wish me luck!”
“You make your own luck.”
I nodded at that truth, then hopped on my bike and pedaled across town.
My stomach was doing Olympic-level somersaults as I climbed his porch stairs. Last time I’d been here, we’d laughed and he’d held me while I’d cried. That evening had been a really good beginning before everything went to hell. Still, I couldn’t temper my expectations.
Eli opened the door wearing his shy smile, but we didn’t embrace. “Thanks for coming.”
“Friends always come when you call.”
“Good friends do.” He nodded, gesturing to the sofa. “Take a seat. I have a surprise for you.” He rolled his shoulders and rocked on his toes.
“Oh?” My skin prickled with anticipation as I sank onto the cushions. “What kind of surprise?”
Eli rubbed his hands together before he picked a guitar off the wall. “A musical kind. I’m working on a song . . .”
“The one about Mo?” My heart thumped at the memory.
“No.” Eli chuckled like he had that evening. Then he inhaled deeply and sighed, his expression contrite. “When I left you at that coffee shop, I couldn’t shake a new kind of blues. Then I read the news and felt shitty for walking away when you and your family could’ve used a friend. I spent the past week thinking about my life. About who I am and what kind of man I want to be. I thought a lot about how you burst into my life so unexpectedly, like a rainbow after a storm. Next thing I knew, words were flowing . . . and I wrote this.”
I was still reeling from the bliss of being compared with a rainbow when he began to strum a pretty melody and sing:
Oh, the cold, it hurts my skin
When I feel the whispers of the wind
And the colors come and go
But I wonder if they’ll ever know
That the grace you showed me
Brought me back to the world you see
And with your guiding light
I know where I want to go tonight
Can’t hold me back
’Cause I’m gone, I’m gone
And finding my
way out of the storm
I’m healing now before your eyes
Watch me grow, watch me grow
As I follow where you go
See the world around me change
I’m no longer stuck inside my cage
fighting shadows that are mine
Now I’m ready to take flight
And with your guiding light
I know where I want to go tonight