If You Must Know (Potomac Point #1)(111)

Mom had drawn the curtains “to keep the neighbors out of our business.” The effect? Thin slants of sunlight mixed with dim lamplight gave the room a gloomy aura. Perhaps it was the perfect setting for the occasion and Nancy’s hocus-pocus.

“Should I get the memory jar? We might have time to read some before Nancy arrives.” I’d barely finished my sentence when Amanda answered.

“I’m not in the mood for that today.” She looked at Kevin instead of me.

“But that was the plan—” I started.

“No, that was your wish, not ‘the’ plan. I’m not interested in reading the notes I put in there this winter when, unlike you, I was ignorant of the truth. Sorry to rob you of whatever jollies you’d get in reliving how foolish I was.”

“Amanda, you know that’s not . . .” But before I finished my thought, she turned away.

Mom tapped my shoulder. “Let’s put off the jar. By December we might all be in a better place to keep the tradition going.”

“Agreed,” Kevin said, offering Amanda a shoulder squeeze while shooting me a conciliatory smile. Our whole lives, he’d been the Switzerland in any battle between Amanda and me. He then said to her, “I thought you’d be in a better mood after learning that Lyle signed all the papers.”

It bummed me out that we couldn’t celebrate that together. “That’s a win to put in the jar.”

My mother shook her head at me. It took me a second to grasp that even though Lyle’s cooperation had definitely been the best possible outcome, the situation still sucked for my sister. “Sorry,” I mumbled.

I shoved two Ritz crackers in my mouth, followed by a cheddar cheese cube.

“There she is!” Mom, who’d been peeking through the drapes, exclaimed.

I’d been going back and forth about Nancy since the thing with Eli and Karen. On one hand, Eli’d encouraged me to keep an open mind, convinced that Karen had been in the room with us that day. But it would take more for me to believe my dad could pass messages through Nancy as if she were a supernatural mailbox. With our family’s personal business being publicized recently, the woman had easy access to a trove of details she could spin into so-called messages from beyond.

I’d yet to master Kev’s ability to hide his skepticism, but in my desperation to bring the family together for Amanda’s sake, I would go through this charade one last time.

Mom clapped her hands together and raced to the door, opening it before Nancy rang the bell. “Welcome back. All the kids are here today, so surely William won’t ignore us.”

Nancy smiled. “Don’t think of it as being ignored. We don’t know how or why some spirits can come through and others can’t. He may be trying.”

Nice dodge, Nancy, I thought, then winced because that had hardly been open-minded.

“Well, he’d better try harder. We need him more than ever.” Mom nodded sharply. “I made a pot of coffee.”

“None for me, thanks.” Nancy hung her purse on the coatrack in the corner and introduced herself to Kevin and Amanda.

Nancy and I greeted each other with the polite nod of civil foes. “For those who haven’t been through this, all I ask is that you keep an open mind and heart. Try not to say anything unless I ask, and then only yes/no answers, please.”

“Okay. Let’s get started.” Kevin pulled out a seat for Amanda and then sat beside her.

Nancy sat next to him and Mom flanked Amanda’s other side, forcing me to sit beside Nancy.

Amanda glanced at everyone, but when she caught my eye, she looked away.

“As your mother knows, I encourage everyone to say a silent prayer for your intention today and, if it helps, to close your eyes so your other senses awaken.” Nancy placed her hands on the table. “Think about a specific memory or let your feelings about your father flow through you. As I get messages, I’ll relay them. Many may have nothing to do with him. I can’t control who comes to me, but I hope we hear from William.”

Kevin shot me a look that mirrored the incredulity I felt, to which I responded with a subtle shrug.

Surrendering to the inevitable, I relaxed my shoulders and closed my eyes. I don’t know how many minutes passed before Nancy spoke.

“I’m getting something about red shoes. Do red shoes mean anything to anyone?” Nancy’s eyes remained closed.

“I have red shoes,” my mother said. “And Erin has those beat-up red sneakers she always wears.”

Most women probably owned one pair of red shoes, so once again Nancy’s “gift” underwhelmed. What also didn’t shock me was my mom’s inability to stick to yes and no answers.

“I hardly think Dad gives two you-know-whats about red shoes,” I grumbled.

Mom gave a sharp grunt of disapproval. To Nancy’s credit she took a deep breath and kept her eyes closed.

For my own sanity, I mentally checked out and thought about how to convince my sister to forgive me so we could prepare for Willa’s arrival and I could tell her about kissing Eli. After all we’d been through, I refused to concede the ground we’d gained to Lyle’s viper tongue.

For most of my life, I’d thought our differences too big for us to be close. Now, I knew we could bridge those if we learned to respect them rather than judge them. But there’d never before been a time when we didn’t speak to each other, so I first had to win back her trust.