How to Be a Bawse: A Guide to Conquering Life(57)
Sometimes you “just can’t help it,” though, right? We all have the natural urge to talk ill about people we dislike, mostly because in some deranged way it makes us feel better. Training your brain to think differently takes a lot of work, so instead of trying to go from gossip queen to Einstein, first try to resist the urge to infuse negativity into your conversations. Here’s a challenge for you: the next time you’re tempted to say something mean about someone, bite your tongue, pause, and count to ten in your head. Pretend this negative thought is your little secret that you’re not going to tell anyone or release into the universe. How exciting! You have a secret that no one else knows. What power! Then, whenever you have a chance and are alone, whisper the negative thought to yourself (make sure you’re alone! or else this could turn into a dramatic rom-com movie scene).
Once you master this skill, the next step is to stop allowing judgmental, mean thoughts to occupy space in your brain in the first place. When you meet someone new, instantly look at them and pick a feature to admire, and then store that in your mental contact list. If you’re lucky enough to have a conversation with this person, pick a personality trait, such as calm, funny, or well-spoken. Pretend that this is a mandatory part of the process of meeting new people. Not doing so is like saving someone’s number with one digit missing. Now, I know this might seem naive, but that’s just because we’re not used to this kind of thinking. Like most things in this book, accomplishing this will require some rewiring, so get out those pliers. Try this: Type the word “faces” into Google and click on “Images.” Practice identifying one positive thing in each face. This may seem superficial, but it helps rewire our brain.
At this point you might be wondering, “If my brain should be thinking about ideas and not people, why is it okay for me to talk about people positively? Isn’t that still a waste of my brain? After all, positive judging is still judging, isn’t it?” Well, my intelligent friend, you’re correct. Discussing all the things you like about people is still talking about people. However, if you pay attention to your past conversations, you will notice that when you talk about someone positively, you talk with a sense of admiration. You’ve noticed some great quality in someone, and chances are you will be inspired to also possess this great quality. Maybe at dinner your friend was talking about all the work they’ve done helping less fortunate communities. If you like everything your friend is doing, then you’ll probably start thinking more about getting involved yourself. It’s unlikely you will admire a quality in someone and then make an effort NOT to also possess that quality.
On the other hand, when you talk about how much you hate someone’s personality, you’ll notice that the conversation usually lasts a really long time and is repetitive. We have the tendency to chew on that topic over and over again, and that doesn’t make any sense. Is it right to spend more time on the things we don’t like? Probably not. That’s why, if you’re going to talk about people, it only makes sense to talk about the things you like and want to incorporate into your own life.
The goal is to train your brain to think positively. Once all the positives cancel out all the negatives, there will be more space in your brain for magical creations.
IDEAS are beautiful. You can think of whatever you want without any limits. Almost everything else in life has limits, but your mind is the one thing that has no limits. So, what are you going to think about? What are you going to talk about? Are you going to waste your mind on gossip and drama? You shouldn’t, because your brain deserves better. Evolution deserves better.
Spend time each day thinking about IDEAS to grow your mind and resist the urge to talk negatively about people. Your wiring is not basic, and you shouldn’t be either.
YOU COULD BE the richest person in the world, with forty-two cars and fourteen mansions. You could be on top of so many ladders that your home address is listed as “top rung.” You could be an expert in self-control and the nicest person on the planet, with the greatest hair anyone has ever seen. In fact, you could master all fifty chapters in this book and have them memorized word for word, with a list of additional chapters I forgot to include. Even after all that, you still wouldn’t be the world’s biggest Bawse.
A true Bawse recognizes that there is a force more powerful than them, whether it’s God, another high being, science, spirits, superpowers, evolution, or miracles. This is important for so many reasons, and understanding this chapter will help you to put into practice other lessons you may have learned throughout this book.
You know that being a Bawse entails climbing a ladder, or several ladders. When you reach the top, it’s important to recognize that you’re never truly at the top. There will always be a higher power that can throw you off the ladder at any time. If you believe in God, then you could be punished for your sins. If you believe in science, then you could evaporate. If you believe in spirits, then you could be possessed. If you believe in fate, then you could be struck by lightning. Knowing that there will always be a bigger Bawse one rung above you is a great way to keep yourself grounded, no matter how high you climb. This is especially important to keep in mind if you’re at a place in your life where people are treating you differently because of your success. It’s easy to get caught up in all the praise. You will begin to think you’re untouchable, but believing in a higher power keeps your ego in check.