Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(67)

“We went to our first nude beach, and don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about that on next week’s podcast when my special guest is here—Elizabeth Franklin, the author of one of my recent favorite erotic romances, Take My Breath Away. She’ll be reading an excerpt from her book that is H-O-T, hot, folks! I don’t want to give too much away, but it involves a threesome on—you guessed it—a nude beach! And no, Brent and I did not participate in a threesome. We may or may not have had sex on a beach while we were there, but if we did, I promise you, it was just the two of us, late at night, and the beach was empty.

“Did everyone watch the Golden Globes last week? Did you see our boy Jameson take home the win for Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture—Drama? Jameson, if you’re listening, I know I already told you this on the phone, but I’m so proud of you!

“I had a lot of listener questions after my last podcast, wanting to know how my mom is. She wanted me to tell you thank you for all of your concern and kind words. She’s doing fine. Her hip was not, in fact, broken, and if anyone wants the sex swing she thought was a good idea to try out, let me know and I’ll send it to you. Please, I beg you, let me send it to someone. There is no way she should have had my dad install that thing in their home, and it needs to go immediately before she thinks she should give it another try.

“Let’s see, what else? Oh! My good friends at my former employer, EdenMedia, sent me a new box of advanced copies of upcoming audiobooks while I was on my honeymoon. As you guys know, I partnered up with all of the publishing houses that EdenMedia produces books for. Not only do I get audiobooks, but they’re also nice enough to send me paperback copies to add to my ever-growing erotic romance bookshelf in our living room. And bedroom. And spare bedroom. And a new shelf we added to the kitchen last month. And you can be darn sure I’ve highlighted each and every one of my favorite erotic scenes that I read for you guys. Brent likes to call them my lady spank bank.

“Anyway, I’m sorry I haven’t had a chance to listen to any of them yet and find my favorite scenes to highlight in the paperbacks. I’ve been busy. Having lots and lots of sex with my gorgeous husband. I promise I’ll start on them tonight, and I’ll have my first raving review and hot excerpt ready to go for you next week, after my interview with Miss Franklin.

“Today’s Top Shelf Erotic Question of the Week comes from Shauna in Michigan. Shauna writes, ‘I’ve been struggling with finding a way to tell my boyfriend that he’s just not hitting the right spot, if you know what I mean. He tries so hard, and I just feel so bad that I pretend like he’s doing it right and I’m enjoying what he’s doing, when I’m really not. Heidi, please help!’

“Well, Shauna, I’m going to be blunt with you. The first thing you need to do is practice saying the words you need to say. Your boyfriend can’t find your clit, am I right? And if he can’t find your clit, he is never going to give you any pleasure, which leads to you faking orgasms, and that’s not helping anyone, especially him. You need to be honest with him. It’s going to be tough, and it will probably hurt his feelings a little, but he’ll get over it. If he loves you, he’s going to want to do whatever he can to please you. No more faking it. Talk to him. Help your man find your clit, Shauna! Also, check your email. I’m going to send you a 50% off coupon for the Pleasure Palace, just in case.

“Don’t forget to send in your questions to me at Erotic Heidi at gmail dot com. Everyone who gets their question read on one of my podcasts wins an audio copy of whatever erotic romance I’m featuring that week!

“Also, don’t forget to check out Penelope Sharp’s upcoming book, Claiming His Mistress, which will be out a week from today. In case you missed it, check out Episode 56, where I read an excerpt while Penelope was in town for her bridesmaid dress fitting and I forced her to do an interview. This particularly delicious excerpt had some light bondage in it that will make you wet in all the right places, and it had a surprisingly funny ending to the seriously erotic scene that involves the heroine’s parents stopping by. That might sound familiar to some of my older listeners, and Brent, honey, I’m still sorry about that, and I love you!

“This is Heidi Miller signing off, and remember:

You are strong, you are confident, and you are sexy as hell.

Learn it, live it, love it, and say it out loud to yourself in the mirror until you believe it.”

The End



Acknowledgments



Thank you to everyone at Audible who had a hand in helping us bring Heidi to life, as well as our amazing agent, Kimberly Brower.

Thank you, and a big sloppy kiss to Lauren Blakely for being the genius behind our title, “Heidi’s Guide to Four Letter Words”. Thank you for keeping us out of the dirty dungeon.

Thank you to Andi’s narrator sorority sisters, who were there the night Heidi was “born” at RT: Amy Landon, Xe Sands, and Christa Lewis.

Thank you to Jennifer L. Armentrout, and everyone at Apollycon18, who allowed Heidi to make her first public appearance at the audiobook panel.

Thank you, and great big hugs to Karen and Kyle at Audio Ruckus for being the best “Daves” we ever could have had.

A special thank you to Rose Hilliard and Melissa Bendixen at Audible for all their energy, enthusiasm and hard work, and for taking such great care of us.