Heidi's Guide to Four Letter Words(65)

“Oh, you poor thing. How did you ever recover?” Aubrey asks with a laugh.

“I don’t know that I ever have, Aubrey.” He laughs back, neither one of them looking up or noticing that I’m in the room.

Wondering what in the hell is going on, and with butterflies swarming around in my stomach as I get my first look at Brent in over a week, I quickly drop down to the ground on my hands and knees so I can calm my racing heart and figure out what in the world he’s doing here, talking to Aubrey in a studio.

“All right. On to your next most embarrassing moment. And for everyone out there listening to this, I think we’re up to number three. Is that correct?” Aubrey asks Brent.

“Sadly, that’s correct. Lucky for you and your first ever podcast, your readers will be happy to know I have a ton more embarrassing moments to share,” Brent informs her.

Aubrey is recording a podcast? Brent is telling all of his embarrassing stories for her podcast? What in the hell is happening right now?

I stay perfectly still on the floor of the studio on my hands and knees, listening to Brent tell Aubrey, and I guess all her readers, his most embarrassing stories.

He tells her about a time at his bank job, when a really annoying co-worker came up to his cubicle, and he quickly put his cell phone to his ear so he wouldn’t have to talk to the guy, and the cell phone rang in his hand.

He tells her about the first time he kissed a girl in seventh grade, and how he chewed some minty gum before he kissed her so his breath would be fresh, but forgot to take the gum out. He managed to transfer the gum to her mouth and she started choking on it, and he had to call 9-1-1 and have them talk him through doing the Heimlich maneuver on her.

He tells her about the night he thought he lost his virginity, but that it turned out he didn’t really lose his virginity. He explains that he was going to town, thinking he was awesome and doing everything perfectly, and didn’t realize until he was finished that he never even put it in. He was just thrusting his penis into the bed between her legs.

Then, he tells her about the night he really lost his virginity, when he only lasted one pump, and then started crying and apologizing to the girl for being so bad at it.

On and on his stories go, each one more embarrassing than the last, until I realize I’ve been down here on the floor for almost an hour.

“Oh, Brent. I don’t know whether to give you a hug or thank you for giving me the best material ever for my first podcast,” Aubrey tells him with a laugh. “Really quick before we end this, why don’t you tell everyone why you decided to humiliate yourself in the best way possible today.”

There’s a pause from inside the booth, and I take that moment to slowly inch myself up from the ground until I’m just on my knees, craning my neck to try to see over the DAW and inside the booth. Using the office chair on wheels next to the desk to rest my hand on and push myself up even more, I’m finally able to see a little bit of Brent’s face.

God, I’ve missed him.

He looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. There’s stubble all over his face, his hair is a mess, and he just looks… sad.

“I messed up,” Brent says quietly. “I betrayed the woman I love’s trust. I made her think that everything between us was a lie, because I wasn’t honest with her from the beginning. I made her doubt everything she’s done and everything she’s accomplished recently. I made her think I was just doing what she wanted, instead of doing everything I needed, as an ass-backward way of trying to help her. I want her to know nothing I said or did with her was ever a lie. What we had was the most honest, real thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I just want her to be happy. And if that’s not with me, it will kill me, but it’ll be okay, as long as I know she’s happy. She’s an incredible, smart, beautiful, strong woman, and I hope she never forgets that. She may think she didn’t do it all on her own, but she did. I was just along for the ride. And goddammit, what an amazing fucking ride it was.”

Aubrey closes out the podcast, thanking Brent and thanking her readers for listening, and as my body shakes with quiet sobs, the force of them shoves the stupid office chair on wheels right out from under my hand. I go flying sideways as the chair crashes into the wall, and I land in a heap on my side with a loud “Son of a bitch!”

The door to the booth flies open, and I look up from the floor to find Aubrey and Brent standing in the doorway, staring down at me with equal looks of surprise on their faces.

“Jesus! Are you okay?” Brent asks, rushing over and dropping down on his knees next to me.

His hand runs over the top of my head before brushing some of the hair out of my eyes with the tips of his fingers. Then he touches my cheek, my shoulder, my arm, and does a quick inspection of the rest of my body, making sure I didn’t hurt myself.

Once he’s satisfied there’s nothing injured but my pride, he grabs my hands and helps me stand up.

“I’ll just give you two some privacy,” Aubrey says, winking at me over Brent’s shoulder as she walks behind him and leaves the studio, letting the door close with a soft click.

“I can’t believe you’re here,” I whisper once she’s gone.

Brent squeezes my hands that he still holds in his as we stand facing each other.

“Where else would I be?” He shrugs with a sheepish look on his face. “You wouldn’t talk to me. And I didn’t want to just show up on your doorstep as soon as you got back from your parents’ house, because then you would know I was watching out my front window and knew exactly when you got home, and that would just be kind of stalkerish. But now I realize showing up at your work unannounced might be a little bit creepy as well.”