Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(131)

A warm voice filled my ear. “Happy Anniversary.” I smiled and rolled onto my back, imagining the dark blue eyes that accompanied the voice. “You don’t have to keep telling me that every time you call, Kellan.”

He sighed, the soft sound almost overshadowed by the squeak of a mattress compressing. “I know, but I still feel really bad that I missed it, that I couldn’t fly out to you. A year together is a big deal, and I really wanted to see you…but stuff kept coming up…” I bit my lip. He’d said before that it was things for the new record that had come up. Just when he’d thought he’d get away, the record label would come at him with a new form he had to sign or some amendment to the contract. They also wanted to formally approve every song before they’d consent to having it recorded. Kellan wasn’t thrilled with the fact that a corporation had final say over his music, but making an album 367



was expensive, and the studio had to make sure they were getting the best bang for their buck. Fiscally it made sense, but it also made the process of getting ready to record that much more complicated. Especially since they wanted all of the songs signed off on before the group came out to L.A. in May. That didn’t give Kellan and the guys a whole lot of time.

I understood all of that…but I’d really wanted to spend my anniversary with my boyfriend, not a bottle of Nyquil. “You had good reason, Kellan, I understand. Besides, I was pretty sick anyway, and you did send me flowers.”

I smiled, thinking of them in the other room, but Kellan sighed again.

“Yeah, flowers you didn’t get on time. I’m really sorry about that. I was sure I’d find you at Pete’s on a Saturday night.” Now I sighed. “It’s okay, Kellan, it’s not a big deal.”

“It is to me, Kiera. I’m really sorry it’s turned out this way. I’ll make it up to you…someday…I promise.”

Shifting to my side, I laid my head on my arm. A moment of silence passed between Kellan and I. A moment that began to fill with tension, as I thought of all the blocks there were between us, physical ones and emotional ones. Squeezing my hand holding the paper, I whispered, “I found your letter last night, the one in the couch.” Silence, then a mattress squeaking as he adjusted his position as well.

“Oh…and?”

I heard the uncertainty in his voice, like he thought maybe he’d gone too far, openly admitting that he wanted to marry me. Maybe he thought I didn’t want that for us. Maybe he thought I was still hoping to marry Denny one day, since that had been our unofficial plan. “You really see that future for us?”

“Yeah, I do, Kiera…all the time. Do…do you?”

“Yeah.” Remembering the fears I’d confessed to Denny last night, fears that Denny had solidified in me by his silence, a thought began to 368



override my answer. With my head screaming at me, if you think he’s cheating

on

you,

Kiera,

then

he

probably

is,

I

quickly

added,

“Maybe…someday.”

As Kellan absorbed my seemingly lukewarm answer, the awkward silence on the line grew even bigger. Hating the tension that was forming in my stomach, I whispered, “I miss you.”

His response came in a rush. “I miss you too. I know we saw each other a couple of weeks ago, but it wasn’t enough, not nearly enough… I really miss you.”

Hearing the melancholy in his voice, I scrunched my brows and bit my lip. “Kellan? You…okay?”

My heart started beating faster as I waited for his answer. Even though he only paused for a few seconds, it seemed like an eternity. “Yeah…just exhausted. I never realized how…taxing this would be. Always on the road, always away from home, always having to deal with…people. I know it’s early for you and you probably want to go back to sleep, but could you stay on the line for a bit? I’m feeling… I just want to listen to you breathe for a while.”

Sympathy for him rushing through me, I wished I could put my arms around him, squeeze him tight…kiss him. “I don’t have anywhere to be but right here with you, Kellan.”

I heard rustling sounds as he exhaled contently. “Good, I love you, Kiera. It seems like forever since I’ve held you, since I’ve made love to you.”

I flushed a little, then remembered it had been a while…Christmas Eve to be exact. “It has been forever, Kellan.” Hoping and praying that my last time had also been Kellan’s last time, I swallowed. In the silence I heard another squeak of a mattress. “Where are you?” I asked, ice prick-ling my skin that maybe he was calling from a hotel room…and not his.

He let out a sensual noise of contentment. “On the bus, in the back bedroom. All the guys are gone, so I snagged Griffin’s bed.” He laughed a little. “I just couldn’t spend another moment in that tiny bunk.” 369



Picturing him somewhere that Griffin did…Griffin-type things in, I grimaced. Then, picturing him sleepily sprawled out on a bed, I smiled.

A rush of desire tingled me and I whispered, “So…you’re alone? Completely alone?”

“Yeah…why?”

Dropping his letter to my bed, I covered my eyes with my hands. God, I could not ask him to be intimate with me over the phone, I just couldn’t. But, we were getting farther and farther apart…I felt it. And maybe a moment of reconnection was exactly what we needed right now.