Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(130)

I sighed and looked down. “I know…I’m just saying that there’s more to Kellan’s story than you know.”

“Like what?” he whispered.

I looked up at him but shook my head. “It’s not for me to say, I’m sorry.”

Denny nodded, his eyes looking a little sad as he realized just how close Kellan and I really were. “Well then, maybe I’m wrong.” Exhaling, he shook his head. “But if you think he’s cheating on you, Kiera…then he probably is.”

I felt another tear drop down my cheek and Denny brushed it off. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. I nodded and he added, “Did you tell Kellan about me being back in town?”

Sighing, I shook my head and stared over at the card table. A vase full of bright red roses dressed up the space, the week-old bouquet still in its full glory. Kellan’s anniversary present to me. He’d had them delivered to Pete’s, but I hadn’t been feeling well and had gone home early. I hadn’t gotten them until the following night. We’d missed each other on the celebration of our year together, and it felt horribly symbolic.

Denny leaned over to meet my eye. “Why didn’t you tell him? And don’t tell me that it was because you were sparing his feelings. That may be part of it, but what’s the real reason you didn’t tell him?” I stared at Denny, wishing I could just walk away from this painful conversation. Knowing I couldn’t, I shrugged and whispered, “He’s hiding something from me, and if he was going to hide something from me…then I wanted to hide something from him.” A sob escaped me as I admitted that, and Denny wrapped his arms around me, finally. I held him close as my tears of fear and frustration took me over. Hating myself, for feeling what I felt, for admitting it to Denny, I took a brief moment to completely fall apart. Denny only held me, not commenting as he rubbed my back. I could only imagine that he was thanking fate that his new relationship wasn’t so complicated.

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When I could breathe again, Denny released me and freshened up our tea. Moving to sit on the couch, I told him everything I worried about—the fans, the exotic record rep that could probably pose for all of the major fashion magazines, the weird texts and phone calls that Kellan hid from me, the fact that Kellan knew I was holding something back…and he let it go, because he didn’t want to talk about what he was holding back.

Denny listened, not really commenting on Kellan’s behavior. He also didn’t try to dissuade my fears by giving me false hope. Once he heard all of the facts, he never once told me it was nothing, or it would be okay, or I was overreacting. He only listened and nodded, and I suddenly realized why people gave each other unfounded reassurance. Not hearing,

“It’s probably nothing,” from the person you were divulging your fears to, made those fears seem completely warranted, even if you didn’t have enough proof to back them up.

When I was done, and I had nothing more to say, Denny picked at a seam in the couch, maybe wondering what to say as well. I watched him, feeling empty and tired inside. Then he spotted something and leaned into the ugly, orange sofa. Using both hands, he pried something out of a hole in the fabric, a hole I barely registered anymore.

When he pulled out a piece of paper, my heart stubbornly skipped a beat. It was one last love note from Kellan, a remnant of the game he’d left for me when he first went away, what felt like a lifetime ago now.

Denny opened it while my eyes watered. He read over it for a moment before he handed it to me. In a soft voice, he said, “I think this was meant for you.”

Hands shaking, I reached out for the paper. Blinking away the water forming in my eyes so I could read it, I held my breath.

I hid this one in the hopes that you would find it long after I’m gone. I hope you find this months from now, when I’m still out there, on the road, away from you. I can’t imagine what the time apart has done to us. I’m hoping we’re closer.

I’m hoping we’re more in love than ever. I’m hoping that when I come back, you’ll move in with me. In all honesty, I’m hoping that when I come back you’ll 365



agree to marry me someday. Because that’s what I want, what I dream about.

You, mine, for the rest of my life. I hope you feel the same…because I don’t know what I would do without you. I love you so much. But, if for some reason we’re not closer, if something has gotten between us, please, I’m begging you…don’t give up on me. Stay. Stay with me. Work it out with me. Just don’t leave me…please.

I love you, always, Kellan

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20





Chapter


Oh My God


After Denny left, I went to bed with that note clutched in my fingers. I knew Kellan had written it back in the fall, before things had shifted between us, but it did comfort me. He’d known, even back then, that something might possibly distance us while he was on the road. He’d known, and begged me in advance not to leave him. And I didn’t want to. I wanted him. I wanted the life he’d mapped out on paper. I just wanted to trust him too.

My phone rang by my bed early the next morning. Still clutching the letter in my slow-to-respond-fingers, I fumbled with the noisy contraption, managing to hit the answer button just before it switched to voicemail.