Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(122)

When calming my hands didn’t seem to do anything, Kellan grabbed my cheeks. Forcing me to look at him made my eyes start to water. I sniffed back the tears. I did not want to cry.

His brow bunched, he searched my face. “He’s lying, Kiera. He said that to get a rise out of you. He knows who you are, they all do. I flip through that photo book all the time…” He smiled softly and shook his head. “They all think you’re beautiful…”

I batted his hands away. “Why would he lie?” I stressed “he,” just so Kellan would know that I was much more inclined to believe that Kellan was lying to me…right now.

Sighing, Kellan shook his head, keeping his hands off of me for a moment. “Because we were the last band to join the tour and we got bumped to the second in the lineup. Because Lana was interested in our band and not his.” He shrugged. “Because he’s a childish, immature * with a grudge against me, Kiera, and if making you doubt me got us fighting tonight instead of…” He sighed again and tossed his hands up. “Because this, right here, is what he wanted…his stupid form of payback for our band being better than his.”

Watching the exasperated expression on his face, I softened a little. It sounded plausible, but most of Kellan’s lies sounded plausible. I know.

Back when we’d been fooling around behind Denny’s back, I’d usually been well aware when Kellan was lying, and Kellan was good at it.

“Why should I believe you?” I whispered.

He tossed his hands up into the air again. “I haven’t done anything wrong! Why shouldn’t you believe me?”

Just then, as if fate was trying to screw with us even further, Kellan’s phone chirped in his pocket; he’d just gotten a text message. He closed his eyes, seemingly cursing the same fate I was. When he reopened them, he stared at me blankly.

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I narrowed my eyes. “Do you need to get that?” He shook his head. “No.”

Clenching my jaw, reclosing my hands into fists, I seethed, “How do you know? It could be important?”

He let out a slow exhale before shaking his head. “You’re important…that can wait.”

My eyes watered again. “What can wait?” I whispered, not sure if his last statement was comforting or not.

He stepped towards me and tentatively cupped my cheek. “I’m not doing anything, baby. I love you. I’m being faithful to you.” He held up his ring, his thumb stroking the metal. “I promised…I promise.” He dropped his forehead to mine. “We don’t have much time together.

Please, just let this go…”

“Let what go?” I whispered.

He sighed, then his lips lowered to mine. “I love you, Kiera…please believe in me.”

I wanted to object, I wanted to scream at him to let me know what he was hiding, to tell me something that would make me believe in him, but the words slipped out of my mind as his mouth softly moved over my skin.

Maybe I was being weak…maybe I just wasn’t ready to know. For whatever reason, though…I let it go.

After a few calming moments, Kellan reached down and put his shirt back on and we laid down side by side on his bunk. There was a cubby built into the wall and I stared at the few belongings he kept near him—the journals I’d gotten for him, his Discman, the photo book my mom and sister had made for him, and the little toy car. Swallowing, wanting to believe him, I fingered the tiny, metal muscle car.

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Kellan sighed and kissed my shoulder. “I love you…” he whispered.

Clutching the car, remembering the connection that we had, the way he’d opened up to me, let me into his life like no one else before me, not even his band mates, I looked over at him. “I love you too…” He smiled, his fingers tucking a strand of hair behind my ear before following the chain around my neck. Pulling the necklace out of my shirt, his thumb stroked the edge of the silver guitar; the diamond in the center of it gleamed, even in the faint light surrounding us.

Bunching his brows, the soft smile on his lips faded as he watched his fingers. “Kiera…I should tell you something…” Hating the ice that instantly formed in my stomach, hating that I knew he was hiding things from me, I instantly remembered that I was hiding things from him too. Guilt easing the knot burning through my insides, I whispered, “I should tell you something too…” His eyes flashed up to mine, narrowing. “Tell me what?” Swallowing, searching his perfect face, I stammered for a way to break his heart. I just knew that he’d react badly to the news that his rival was back in town. Not that Denny was really a rival anymore, but Kellan had never felt like he’d compared to him. Kellan seemed to think I’d be better off with Denny. If he knew Denny was back in my life, especially while he was away…it might end us.

Dreaded tears filling my vision, I considered Kellan’s odd, secretive texts that he clearly didn’t want to talk about, the searing doubt that one * rocker had so easily placed into my head, the videos of his friendly attitude towards Lana that made me green with jealousy, the looming dread in my belly over whatever he needed to tell me now… .

Maybe we were already over, and I just didn’t realize it yet?

“Um, well…”

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