Down Too Deep (Dirty Deeds, #4)(101)

“This isn’t funny,” she said, her tone sharp.

“I didn’t think it was.”

“You’re joking around though.”

“No, I’m not. I meant every word I just said to you.”

She blinked, not expecting to hear that. Then she pulled in a slow, deep breath through her nose. She was back to gripping the strap across her body. I was hoping that meant she wanted to hug me and was fighting against it.

“Okay,” she said. “You can apologize, but then you need to go.”

“Agreed.”

“And you need to make it clear that we aren’t together anymore.” I gave her a look. She gave it right back. “I’m serious. I don’t want them getting their hopes up.”

“Am I allowed to make it sound like I want us to be together?”

“No.”

Fuck. “Okay.” I scratched at my jaw, thinking. “What about alluding to the probability of us getting back together once I fix this…?”

“That would absolutely get their hopes up, Nathan. No.”

“Jenna, you know those kids. They’re going to ask what’s going on. I’ll be lucky if I can get an apology out before they fire a million questions at me. And I don’t want to make it sound like I’m no longer in their lives. That will fucking kill me to say and it’ll hurt them to hear it. You know it will. I’ll tell them we aren’t together right now if that’s what you want, but if Olivia asks me if I’m fixing this, I want to tell her I am. Same goes with Oliver—if he asks me if I’m still going on Friday, I want to tell him I’ll be there, that I would never fucking miss it. I’ll be honest with them, I swear, but my honesty has hope in us. I know we end up together.”

Jenna stared at me for the longest moment. “Okay, that’s…fine, I guess. I don’t want them getting hurt either.” She went to turn away but doubled back, adding, “You can hope for things, but you can’t guarantee them. No promises.”

“I need you to be more specific on that, because I can guarantee I’m doing everything I can to get you back. I can promise that, Jenna.”

“No promises we’re getting back together. You can’t tell them that.”

“Fine.”

Jenna hurried past me then and climbed the steps. I trailed behind, catching up to her, and skidded to a stop when she abruptly spun around at the door.

“Also, this really kills me, but I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to watch Marley anymore.” She looked up at me then, and I could see the pain in her eyes. Jenna hated to do this. “I don’t think the kids should see you every day. We can’t just go back to the way things were.”

I was absolutely not in agreement on this, and my views had nothing to do with Jenna helping me out with Marley, but I understood her reluctance. I’d hurt her. I’d hurt her kids. She was worried I’d do it again.

“Okay. I’ll make arrangements.” What exactly those arrangements would be, I had no idea.

“Good. How is she? God, I miss her so much…”

I tilted my head, smiling. “She’s good. Happy right now, I’m sure. She’s with my parents.” I went to tuck a strand of hair behind Jenna’s ear, but she slowly leaned back.

“Stop that.”

“Sorry. Habit.” I lowered my arm and followed Jenna inside the building. We were silent as we climbed the steps side by side. I couldn’t help but remember. “Last time I sat out there waiting for you, you held my hand doing this.”

“Well, you had waited for a while.”

“That wasn’t the only reason you did it…”

“No, it wasn’t.” She side-eyed me. “Of course, I had my own motives—I wanted to. Not that I don’t want to now.” Her grip on the strap tightened. “Things were just different.”

“I know.”

“I was just saying, that was part of it. Knowing you waited for me, that you would’ve waited longer…How long did you sit outside tonight?”

I peered into my pocket, checking the time on my phone. “Four hours. Maybe four and a half. I can’t remember what time I got here.” I halted two steps above Jenna and looked back.

She gaped at me. “You’ve been here for four hours?”

“Maybe four and a half,” I repeated.

“Why didn’t you call me? God, I could’ve been gone longer than that, Nathan. What if I had been?”

“Then I would’ve waited longer.” I smiled and kept climbing, reaching her door and pausing there. I watched her ascend the remaining steps, and she watched me. Shocked to hear that. Happy to have heard it.

I followed Jenna inside her apartment.

“Hey, guys!” Olivia ran around the couch and stopped in front of me. She was breathless. “Hi, Nate. I’ve been waiting for you to come in.”

I imagined her scaling the furniture. Olivia was too excited to sit still.

Oliver padded down the hallway from the direction of the bedrooms, halting a few feet away. “Hey.”

“Hey, bud. Can we talk?”

He nodded and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“Me too?” Olivia asked, stretching to her toes and fighting the urge to bounce on them.