Don’t Let Me Go(68)

“Ah. Got it. I promise to take that into account.”

“Mr. Lafferty the Girl Cat.”

“The whole thing?”

“Yes. The whole thing. It started out as just Mr. Lafferty. But then that got too confusing because there used to be a person by that name. So then she changed it to Mr. Lafferty the Cat.”

“And then she found out it wasn’t a boy cat.”

“Nice to know you’re following along.”

“Wait a sec. Isn’t Mr. Lafferty your neighbor who killed himself in my apartment upstairs?”

“The one and only. This used to be his cat.”

Jesse set down his wine glass and picked up the cat. He held her under her arms, looking right into her face. The cat dangled amiably, still purring.

“So. Mr. Lafferty the Girl Cat,” he said, addressing her earnestly. “I do believe you have a story to tell. Care to talk about it?” After a silence, Jesse held the cat snugly to his chest. “That reminds me,” he said, this time to Billy. “I wanted to invite you to come to my apartment for the smudging ceremony. We’re going to have a talk with whatever’s left over of this Mr. Lafferty. The person,” he added quickly, looking down at the cat. “See if we can’t make some kind of peace. The more neighbors who’re willing to come, the better. After all. You knew him. I didn’t. What was he like?”

“He was horrible. He was a bully. And a bigot. But he liked Grace a lot.”

“Good. I’ll see if I can get Grace to come. There should be somebody there who isn’t holding any hard feelings about him. I know you’re not big on going out, I get that—”

“I’ll come,” Billy said quickly. “I can do that.”

Billy looked down at his wine glass, and, to his surprise, saw there was barely a sip left. When had he drunk it? He hadn’t even been aware. But, now that he’d noticed it, he felt that old familiar feeling creep into his muscles. The warm tingling. It was just one glass of wine. But he had barely eaten. And he hadn’t had wine in more than a decade.

He sat still a moment, watching Jesse pet the cat, and chasing that feeling again. Something ancient yet familiar. But why did it keep evading him?

“Oh, you need a refill, neighbor,” Jesse said.

He leaned forward, and the cat jumped off his lap and up on to Billy’s. Jesse had to lean across Billy to some degree to fill his glass, which brought him closer. His blue-jeaned knee just barely brushed Billy’s dance pants. And he smelled good. Fresh. A scent that could have been a hint of cologne, or maybe just his laundry detergent, or it could have been the way Jesse smelled all on his own.

Billy swallowed hard and grabbed on to the feeling that had evaded him.

Of course. Of course.

Attraction of the heart. Nothing base, though. Not that crass, purely physical attraction, but rather one of those romantic admirations that make your heart swell painfully. The kind that make all the colors in the world suddenly brighter, and have you smiling at strangers, and sending wishes of joy to people you hadn’t noticed a moment before. Like love, only newer and less fully formed.

No wonder it took time to pin down. Now that was an ancient memory. No wonder he’d had a hard time recognizing it.

“There,” Jesse said, and sat back. He looked straight into Billy’s eyes. “Better.”

Billy glanced away and drank half the wine in one long gulp.

“I hate to have you thinking I came down here with any ulterior motives,” Jesse said, clearly changing the direction of events. “I really just want to get to know my neighbors. But, while I’m here, I was hoping to ask you a couple of questions about Rayleen. If that doesn’t seem too rude.”

A soft, wiggly line of pain etched its way down between Billy’s ribs and settled in a spot between his stomach and groin. He stared into his wine glass for a moment, then drained it in one more long gulp.

It’s not that he had ever thought otherwise. He wasn’t surprised. It wasn’t that. Still, there was something pathetic in that moment.

And that, Billy thought, is our life. Not that other lovely thing, where we answer the door in a nice outfit and tell the handsome man with the bottle of wine that we’re happy to take a break from our choreography to visit. Nice try, he thought. No, this is our life. The one in which we realize we might be falling in love a split second before the beloved asks if we’ll help fix him up with someone else.

Yeah. That one.

“You OK?” Jesse asked.

“Yes. Fine.”

“I just thought…well…you know her.”

“Yes and no,” Billy said. “I do like Rayleen a lot. But just the other day Grace and I were talking about all the things we don’t know about her.”

“You still know her better than I do.”

“True.”

“Maybe she just doesn’t like me.”

“Don’t be silly,” Billy said. “How could anybody not like you?”

Then he flushed, and probably reddened, and looked down into his glass to have someplace to look.

“You’re empty again,” Jesse said.

“I am.”

Billy held his glass out as far as his arm would reach. So Jesse could fill it without leaning in.

“Seems to me there’s something very special about her,” Jesse said. “But don’t get me wrong. I’m not a stalker. If she’s not interested, I don’t intend to push. There’s just a hint of something mixed in her signal. I think. I suppose I could be seeing what I want to see. I could be wrong. It’s happened before.”