Don’t Let Me Go(64)

“I’m going over to see my kitty,” she said, and ran out.

She stood in the hall, sniffling and wiping her nose on her sleeve, and signal-knocked on Billy’s door.

“I can’t do any more outside time today, baby girl. I’m at my limit. I’m sorry. Lo siento.”

“I didn’t come to say that. I need to come in. Could you open the door?”

He must have heard the sobs in her voice. He couldn’t very well have missed them. The door opened almost before she could finish her last sentence.

She shuffled past him and sat on his couch.

“Good meeting so far?” he asked.

That was just Billy’s odd sense of humor. Instead of asking her what was wrong, he would make a wisecrack. But it was better than being surrounded and smothered.

Which, she suddenly realized, was why she’d come. It wasn’t really to see her cat. Well, a little bit. Partly. Mostly it was to see her Billy.

She called for Mr. Lafferty the Girl Cat with a little “psst” sound, and the kitty came loping in from Billy’s bedroom and jumped into her lap. Grace held the cat close and pressed one ear against her rumbly side.

She sniffled in as much as she could, so her nose wouldn’t run on to poor Mr. Lafferty the Girl Cat’s fur.

Billy sat on the edge of the couch, about two feet away from them, and handed her a giant-size box of tissues. She pulled out three or four at once, and wiped her eyes on all of them at the same time, and blew her nose too loudly, with an embarrassing honking sound.

“I sure use a lot of your tissues.”

“I can live with it.”

“Maybe I should buy you another box.”

“With what? Are you sitting on a nest egg we don’t know about? Holding out on us? You’re really independently wealthy?”

“Oh. Right.”

She blew her nose again, this time using only three.

“Anything you care to shoot the breeze about?”

“In English, Billy.”

“Want to talk?”

Grace sighed.

“I just miss my mom, is all.”

“Oh,” Billy said.

“I know she’s not a very good mom. At least, not right now. She used to be a pretty good mom, but that was a long time ago now. But even so, even though we don’t get along or anything, and even though we had a big fight and I’m mad at her, and even though she loves drugs more than she loves me, I still miss her.”

“Hmm,” Billy said.

“Maybe you wouldn’t understand.”

“Then again, maybe I would. I miss my mother every day. And she’s the most dreadful woman who ever set her feet down on the planet Earth.”

Grace snorted laughter, in spite of herself.

“She couldn’t be that bad.”

“Oh, no. She could be. And she is. You have to trust me on this. So. Meeting over?”

“I guess so. I mean, I’m the only one who even wants to have the meetings anyway, and I walked out.”

“Maybe they’ll surprise you. Maybe they’re over there spilling their guts about all the personal tragedies that resulted in their subsequent aloneness. Maybe you inspired them.”

“I’ll go see,” Grace said.

She handed the cat to Billy and padded out of Billy’s apartment and across the hallway. Once there, she pressed her ear quietly to the door.

They weren’t spilling their guts.

Jesse was apologizing for upsetting her, saying he hadn’t known he was saying anything that would make her cry.

She padded back across the hall and plunked down on Billy’s couch again.

“I didn’t think so,” she said.

? ? ?

Later, when she thought she’d heard everybody leave Rayleen’s and go their separate ways, Grace headed back across the hall. And ran smack into Jesse.

Should’ve known that, she thought, silently kicking herself. Of course Jesse would hang back and try to be the last one out, so he could talk to Rayleen alone, because Jesse liked Rayleen, and any fool could see it.

Grace hadn’t wanted to run into Jesse, because she knew he’d apologize forever, and she didn’t want his apologies. They’d probably only make her cry again.

“Oh, there you are, Grace,” he said. “I thought I wasn’t going to get a chance to apologize.”

See?

“You don’t have to apologize,” she said, carefully not crying. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You just told the truth like you were supposed to. Just like what the meeting is for.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose,” Grace said, irritation seeping through in her tone. “You think I don’t know that?”

Then she held still, waiting to see if he’d get mad back.

But he just patted her on the head and walked down the hall and up the stairs to his own apartment.

Grace watched him go and wondered suddenly how he was doing with the ghost of Mr. Lafferty the Person. Or, if not a ghost, whatever it was that had scared off Emily, their old neighbor-for-a-split-second. On the one hand she wished she’d asked him, but on the other hand she was happy to be done with all the apology stuff, and she had no intention of pressing her luck.