Don't Let Me Fall(9)

“Roger,” he said holding my eyes with his stupid dark blue ones.

“Whatever. Tell her,” I said turning my back to him.

I didn’t look back because I have a feeling he is staring at my ass as I walk away and I don’t want to have to be the person that goes to jail for breaking his face.

I hopped on the bus and headed home.

Dad was in the kitchen looking through bills and I noticed some past due ones. I asked if everything was fine and he just stacked them all together and said ‘yes.’ He can bullshit

me all he wants but I know it’s not okay.

“Dad, Mom won’t keep her,” I said hugging him around the neck as he was still sitting down. He touched my arm and nodded.

“I hope not. I want all my kids together,” he said. I heard the hurt in his voice. We mean the world to him and losing one of us is going to kill him.

“I love you,” I said, tightening my arms around him.

“You too, Birdie.”

I smiled as I kissed him goodnight. Dad still kind of doesn’t approve all the tattoos but ever since he saw the one on my neck, he hasn’t stopped calling me Birdie.

You were born to fly, Becka. Don’t let anyone stop you.

I remember Dad telling me that every night as he tucked me into bed. I believed him. Until I tried to fly and it didn’t work. Someone stopped me.

I’m a wounded bird that hasn’t tried to get back up yet.

I headed up to Matty’s room and found him lying in bed, on his phone. Times like this is when I wish Jacky and Remy didn’t have an apartment together five minutes away. I wish our

family lived under the same roof. Not five minutes away and in a hospital.

“Hey,” I said tapping on Matty’s door. “Have five minutes for your sister?” He raised an eyebrow at me and put his phone down.

“Well, Finn would kick my ass if I tell you to f-uck off but he’ll kick my ass if I leave him hanging,” Matthew said with his palms up, weighing his options.

I walked into his room with a smile on my face.

“I have an idea,” I said. “Push over.”

I don’t hate Finn but he gets annoying. I guess just for tonight, I can let the flirting slide. I grabbed Matthew’s phone and video chatted Finn. His brown eyes were the size of

saucers when he saw it was me then he collected himself after spurting soda everywhere so we spent the next half hour talking about school and girls. I know I’m not the only girl

Finn thinks about so hearing about a girl he wants to ask out was a relief. And I heard about a girl that has been trying to get Matthew’s attention but he doesn’t pursue it.

I just have to kick his ass and he will.

“Goodnight, the love of my life,” Finn said sending me a wink. I rolled my eyes and handed Matty the phone.

“I think he’s talking to you,” I said. “’night, Matty.”

“Night, Becky,” he said sticking his tongue out at me.

God, he just had to bring the Y in there. All of our nicknames end in ‘Y’ for some reason. It’s ridiculous. Our parents couldn’t pick any other names for us.

I went into my room and changed into pj’s then climbed into bed and was just thinking of something good when my phone buzzed. I reached over and saw I have a text from some number

not stored in my contacts. Hey, stalker here. Don’t ask how I got this. Aimee wants to know if you’re available???

Oh. My. God.

I’m not. I replied. How the f-uck did Logan get my number. Obviously it’s Logan because who else would mention Aimee? I only know that one. And her f-ucking brother is now labeled

a f-ucking stalker.

I turned my phone off and closed my eyes. I’m not in the mood for him right now. I’m not in the mood for him, period.

I tried thinking of something good to dream about but I couldn’t. The only thing that popped into my head was that night. The night I lost Alice.

I know I shouldn’t think about it. It’s not good for me if I do. I still need time. A lot of time. But I can’t stop it. It’s unfolding in my mind like a dropped roll of paper

towels and the only way to clean it up is to grab it and put it back together.

That’s what I’m doing.

I’m trying to roll it back into the box it should stay in.



“Double date, bitch,” Alice said handing me a plum mini dress before she walked over to her bed. “And they’re f-ucking hot.”

I rolled my eyes as I let my foot jerk up and down from resting on my knee while I play with my teddy bear. I named her Ally-bear because Al got her for me freshman year and I

couldn’t give her up over the years. “We did this last week and the sex wasn’t even that good,” I said. I just laid there and faked it for the whole five minutes.

“Trust me. The sex will be amazing. These guys are twenty-four. That’s the perfect age,” she said winking at me.

I laughed and sat up on my elbows. Our dorm room is small but it’s perfect for us. Alice is on one side, me on the other. Our desks are pushed side by side because when they were

back to back, we didn’t get any work done. We would always turn around and end up talking about parties to crash. At least now, we just glance sideways and we know what the other